Kratos puts his head in his hands and doesn't move for a long moment, trying to wrestle down all of his anger and hurt, you don't need to unpack it now with Lloyd, that's not fair to him, even if he seems happy to do it. Breathe, Kratos. Just breathe. When he lifts his head from his hands again, his eyes fall on Anna, and he very delibrately turns away from her, angling his body so he doesn't have to see her. Architect, this is a nightmare. He should be happy she's alive, and yet...
"Of course I thought he was dead," Kratos says, just so he can talk about something else, something that's... still complicated, but at least doesn't scare him as much. "I thought- thought Anna was dead, too."
(Saying her name still hurts, grief that hasn't healed eating at his soul. She's alive so it should all be fine but wounds like that do not simply go away. And even if she is not dead to grieve, there remains shattered pieces of a once-healthy relationship and-- maybe it's too soon, to call that dead. He wants to talk to her. He's terrified of talking to her. Terrified of what they had changing but it's already changed, hasn't it? He's in a boat with no way to steer, just letting the rapids carry him ever towards an impending, unavoidable drop.
Needing to save Martel doesn't scare him nearly as much as the conversation he needs to have with Anna.)
"There was... an incident, five years back. Her town was obliterated. Hit by a cannon." Kratos swallows. Stares at trembling hands. "You don't... survive that. I suppose she and Lloyd must not have been in town at the time, but. I didn't think to look. I assumed if they were alive, she would have told me."
She didn't tell him. Why didn't she tell him?
Kratos realizes himself, abruptly. Why did he bother saying all that? He wishes he were literally anywhere else right now, the consequences of this conversation and the weight of the conversation he's waiting for too much to bear. Maybe he should just go--
(Running away from your problems, again? Anna's voice scolds, in the back of his mind, and well what were YOU doing he shoots back at it, furious.)
"Sorry," he says, belatedly, to Lloyd. "Sorry I. Suppose you didn't need to know all that."
He squeezes his hands together, tight. Changes the subject. "I hope you're right. I hope Lloyd is in Iselia. I hope he's safe."
kratos gets heav(ier) on main
"Of course I thought he was dead," Kratos says, just so he can talk about something else, something that's... still complicated, but at least doesn't scare him as much. "I thought- thought Anna was dead, too."
(Saying her name still hurts, grief that hasn't healed eating at his soul. She's alive so it should all be fine but wounds like that do not simply go away. And even if she is not dead to grieve, there remains shattered pieces of a once-healthy relationship and-- maybe it's too soon, to call that dead. He wants to talk to her. He's terrified of talking to her. Terrified of what they had changing but it's already changed, hasn't it? He's in a boat with no way to steer, just letting the rapids carry him ever towards an impending, unavoidable drop.
Needing to save Martel doesn't scare him nearly as much as the conversation he needs to have with Anna.)
"There was... an incident, five years back. Her town was obliterated. Hit by a cannon." Kratos swallows. Stares at trembling hands. "You don't... survive that. I suppose she and Lloyd must not have been in town at the time, but. I didn't think to look. I assumed if they were alive, she would have told me."
She didn't tell him. Why didn't she tell him?
Kratos realizes himself, abruptly. Why did he bother saying all that? He wishes he were literally anywhere else right now, the consequences of this conversation and the weight of the conversation he's waiting for too much to bear. Maybe he should just go--
(Running away from your problems, again? Anna's voice scolds, in the back of his mind, and well what were YOU doing he shoots back at it, furious.)
"Sorry," he says, belatedly, to Lloyd. "Sorry I. Suppose you didn't need to know all that."
He squeezes his hands together, tight. Changes the subject. "I hope you're right. I hope Lloyd is in Iselia. I hope he's safe."