Had this been any other time, any other place, Mithos would have been fine. But. How does he get that image of Kratos out of his mind, how does he forget the pain still ringing in his skull, how does he reconcile-- It wasn't malicious, the expression in Kratos' eyes, but it wasn't automatic, either. It was deliberate, if resigned. And-- And-- Mithos knows that Kratos wasn't attacking him, he knows that he saw that memory as Lloyd would have, but-- but-- but thats worse, isn't it? Why would Kratos attack his son...!?
Lloyd's asking him a question.
Lloyd's asking him a question.
Mithos snaps his head up and stifles his sobs with a sharp inhale through his nose. Steadies his hands as best as he can. Flinches at the crackle of the fire, at the weight of Lloyd's anger and accusation. It doesn't matter. He can fix this. He aligns his thoughts, analyzes the question-- Of course Lloyd wants to know what's going on. He can explain.
"The dreamspace," he begins, balling his hands into fists and pressing them against his knees so they don't tremble, voice clear even if the rest of him is tight and shaking. "Is a place that Aegises- Aegises and their drivers can access when they sleep. A form of- of lucid dreaming." He pauses to take a breath. He still isnt 100%, but he's holding together well enough to keep explaining at least. "I-- It's been so long since I've had access to someone else's-- I forgot."
Stop for a second there, Mithos. Find words you won't regret.
He doesn't want Lloyd to get mad at him. How can he make sure Lloyd won't get mad?
"I... It's not very easy to control," Mithos says (something of a lie) with a shaky laugh he doesn't hide because maybe it will help paint him as innocent, if he doesn't hide how much this shook him, how little he wanted this specific outcome. "I- I didn't mean to-- It wasn't supposed to--"
He breaks off, still sitting on his knees, the stars overhead blotted out here and there by anxious clouds. Mithos wonders if he should apologize for invading Lloyd's privacy like this. It was supposed to take two seconds. Lloyd wasn't even supposed to know it was happening.
But then Mithos lost control. And this nightmare happened instead.
He supposes it answered his question, at least. But now he has another one. He can't stop his trembling. His ears are still ringing. Dread digs a hole in his stomach.
"Lloyd..." he says, softly, curious, terrified. "If these were your memories... why- why was- was Kratos...?"
He can't say it. Just thinking it makes him sick. He hugs himself, squeezing arms over his chest tightly for comfort.
NO ITS NOT
Lloyd's asking him a question.
Lloyd's asking him a question.
Mithos snaps his head up and stifles his sobs with a sharp inhale through his nose. Steadies his hands as best as he can. Flinches at the crackle of the fire, at the weight of Lloyd's anger and accusation. It doesn't matter. He can fix this. He aligns his thoughts, analyzes the question-- Of course Lloyd wants to know what's going on. He can explain.
"The dreamspace," he begins, balling his hands into fists and pressing them against his knees so they don't tremble, voice clear even if the rest of him is tight and shaking. "Is a place that Aegises- Aegises and their drivers can access when they sleep. A form of- of lucid dreaming." He pauses to take a breath. He still isnt 100%, but he's holding together well enough to keep explaining at least. "I-- It's been so long since I've had access to someone else's-- I forgot."
Stop for a second there, Mithos. Find words you won't regret.
He doesn't want Lloyd to get mad at him. How can he make sure Lloyd won't get mad?
"I... It's not very easy to control," Mithos says (something of a lie) with a shaky laugh he doesn't hide because maybe it will help paint him as innocent, if he doesn't hide how much this shook him, how little he wanted this specific outcome. "I- I didn't mean to-- It wasn't supposed to--"
He breaks off, still sitting on his knees, the stars overhead blotted out here and there by anxious clouds. Mithos wonders if he should apologize for invading Lloyd's privacy like this. It was supposed to take two seconds. Lloyd wasn't even supposed to know it was happening.
But then Mithos lost control. And this nightmare happened instead.
He supposes it answered his question, at least. But now he has another one. He can't stop his trembling. His ears are still ringing. Dread digs a hole in his stomach.
"Lloyd..." he says, softly, curious, terrified. "If these were your memories... why- why was- was Kratos...?"
He can't say it. Just thinking it makes him sick. He hugs himself, squeezing arms over his chest tightly for comfort.