Anna knows she should have let go of Lloyd ages ago, but it's hard. He's her son, even if he's not, even if the son she should be holding is-- elsewhere. But Anna knows how to be selfish better than anything else, so she holds Lloyd, because he lets her, and it seems like maybe he needed this, too. (So it's not all selfish, okay?)
He hates tomatoes like his father. She laughs and tells him her favorite color is red, too (specifically the bright rust-red of Kratos' eyes, but she doesn't need to get that sappy on main), tells him that hey it's not like she ever finished school as a girl, either. She didn't even go to school. Learned just enough from her grandma to get by, and then Lora and Jin helped fill in the rest. She tells him she likes her coffee so doctored up it doesn't even taste like coffee anymore, tells him stories of some of the dumb shit she's put Malos through.
She listens to his stories, fond and delighted to see herself in him, though it's easy to see someone else, too. Someone who she somehow doubts is Kratos. He hasn't mentioned Kratos. Should Anna assume the worst, then? Can she assume anything better?
It makes her think of her Lloyd, raised by someone else for the past five years. Guilt stirs in the depths of her soul and makes her stomach clench with regret. She drinks in everything this Lloyd tells her, eager to know more about the son she didn't get to watch grow up, but the delight is somewhat overshadowed.
She's used to being selfish. She isn't used to regretting it this deeply.
(The only person she has to blame for not getting to watch her son grow up is herself.)
Malos calls and-- fuck him, he's right, especially since Anna can't even calculate how long it's been since she last slept. Too long, probably. She doesn't want this to end so she holds Lloyd, for just a second longer--
The way he whines, exasperated, makes her unbearably fond and breaks her heart at the same time.
"Fiiiiine," she sighs back, over-dramatic, trying to push down the longing she will likely never stop feeling, not until she's held her real son in her arms. (She's not even sure she made the right choice, any more.) She squeezes Lloyd one last time before she lets him go. "I guess you should listen to your grandpa."
"You should listen too, young lady," Malos shoots at her, mostly smug. She sticks her tongue out at him.
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He hates tomatoes like his father. She laughs and tells him her favorite color is red, too (specifically the bright rust-red of Kratos' eyes, but she doesn't need to get that sappy on main), tells him that hey it's not like she ever finished school as a girl, either. She didn't even go to school. Learned just enough from her grandma to get by, and then Lora and Jin helped fill in the rest. She tells him she likes her coffee so doctored up it doesn't even taste like coffee anymore, tells him stories of some of the dumb shit she's put Malos through.
She listens to his stories, fond and delighted to see herself in him, though it's easy to see someone else, too. Someone who she somehow doubts is Kratos. He hasn't mentioned Kratos. Should Anna assume the worst, then? Can she assume anything better?
It makes her think of her Lloyd, raised by someone else for the past five years. Guilt stirs in the depths of her soul and makes her stomach clench with regret. She drinks in everything this Lloyd tells her, eager to know more about the son she didn't get to watch grow up, but the delight is somewhat overshadowed.
She's used to being selfish. She isn't used to regretting it this deeply.
(The only person she has to blame for not getting to watch her son grow up is herself.)
Malos calls and-- fuck him, he's right, especially since Anna can't even calculate how long it's been since she last slept. Too long, probably. She doesn't want this to end so she holds Lloyd, for just a second longer--
The way he whines, exasperated, makes her unbearably fond and breaks her heart at the same time.
"Fiiiiine," she sighs back, over-dramatic, trying to push down the longing she will likely never stop feeling, not until she's held her real son in her arms. (She's not even sure she made the right choice, any more.) She squeezes Lloyd one last time before she lets him go. "I guess you should listen to your grandpa."
"You should listen too, young lady," Malos shoots at her, mostly smug. She sticks her tongue out at him.