At the start of the fight, Lloyd had been sitting down, legs crossed, leaning forward in anticipation to see the spar, to compare and analyze the blades and how they were used, how they resounded against each other, but then -
Zelos loses his composure. Starts screaming at Anna, and the delirious laughter, the uncontrollably furious sneer and the words, the words, the words, they echo in the forest clearing, as loud as the sound of Zelos' sword clashing against Malos' blade. The tone, the way the fury and hatred coat Zelos' voice, it drips into a storm, the fear, the anxiety it creates in Lloyd rushing up like a tsunami on a dark shoreline, threatening and succeeding in swallowing him whole. He's drowning, this world fading into his own, the forest clearing gaining blue totems and a misty shield, flashes of green branches protruding through the scene, gnarled and ancient. This Zelos' words fade into that Zelos' face, a painful shock running its way up Lloyd's spine as he reaches out, reaches out, he keeps reaching out -
but he's drowning. The waves bring him back under, and he swims up, tries so hard to break free, to breathe, but he can't, he's stuck, he's stuck, he needs help! Lloyd blinks his wide eyes, the world suddenly shifting back into the campsite, but its blurry, unfocused, because he's not actually here, he's still in the Tower of Salvation, clutching the broken and battered body of the man he killed in more ways than one, and the mouth on that man moves, and it tells him 'it's so fucking fun when you're not the one getting hurt, right?!'
Lloyd can feel himself choke on Zelos' trauma, can feel the way it wraps around him and shoves itself through his heart like a goddamn knife, scared and anguished, and Lloyd deserves it, god, he deserves it.
Anna yells, and Lloyd can feel the connection cut, can feel himself flying through dimensions until he's thrown back into his body with a panicked gasp, and he shoves himself to his feet, stumbling, slamming his hand to his chest in a desperate attempt to regain his breath. Where is he? He's here. Where's here? He doesn't know.
Sheena's here. Sheena's here. Take that knowledge and ground yourself. Count to ten, compose yourself, be strong. Lloyd takes a shuddering breath, forces the afterthoughts of the memories out of his mind and focuses on the scene in front of him. Sheena is sitting beside him, and she - Lloyd knows she's probably not doing much better than he is. So he leans down, grabs her hand, and squeezes it tight. A gesture of I'm here, I know. Malos and Anna, they're hugging, they're - they're talking lowly, by themselves, and. Zelos has his back turned, is walking away and a part of Lloyd wants to stop him, wants to talk to him and let him know that the fear that Lloyd saw in his face and heard in his voice, that they're valid, that he doesn't have to hide. Lloyd reaches out a hand, takes a step in that direction, and then the truth hits him like a Judgement spell. He has no right to do that. No right to pretend that he knows this Zelos, that he can help this Zelos when he couldn't help his own.
God, how did this go to shit so fast?
So he turns, controlling his breaths, eyebrows knitted together in concern as he looks back at Malos and Anna, at how tightly they hug each other. Does he really belong there? He's a reflection of the Lloyd they haven't had in their lives in five years, sure, but he just met them, really. That's a family hug. He's not sure he fits into that. But as he gets closer, sees the way Malos' clings tight to Anna, the way fear and left-over panic trace themselves into the sharp edges of his face, and worry wins out over concern for what they think of him. He walks over to them quietly, and once he's close enough, he kneels at Malos' left, gently placing a hand on Malos's shoulder and squeezing it.
"Are you..." Lloyd starts, pausing for a beat before changing his direction, shaking his head slightly. Malos isn't okay. Nobody is truly okay after these kinds of episodes. (The memories haven't left, only been walled off. Lloyd won't sleep tonight.)
"We're here," is what he settles with, knowing that the words do more to comfort him after these moments than simple questions of 'will you be okay?' "We're here, you're not - there's nothing here but us. You're here. Not there. Not where your mind wants to take you."
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Zelos loses his composure. Starts screaming at Anna, and the delirious laughter, the uncontrollably furious sneer and the words, the words, the words, they echo in the forest clearing, as loud as the sound of Zelos' sword clashing against Malos' blade. The tone, the way the fury and hatred coat Zelos' voice, it drips into a storm, the fear, the anxiety it creates in Lloyd rushing up like a tsunami on a dark shoreline, threatening and succeeding in swallowing him whole. He's drowning, this world fading into his own, the forest clearing gaining blue totems and a misty shield, flashes of green branches protruding through the scene, gnarled and ancient. This Zelos' words fade into that Zelos' face, a painful shock running its way up Lloyd's spine as he reaches out, reaches out, he keeps reaching out -
but he's drowning. The waves bring him back under, and he swims up, tries so hard to break free, to breathe, but he can't, he's stuck, he's stuck, he needs help! Lloyd blinks his wide eyes, the world suddenly shifting back into the campsite, but its blurry, unfocused, because he's not actually here, he's still in the Tower of Salvation, clutching the broken and battered body of the man he killed in more ways than one, and the mouth on that man moves, and it tells him 'it's so fucking fun when you're not the one getting hurt, right?!'
Lloyd can feel himself choke on Zelos' trauma, can feel the way it wraps around him and shoves itself through his heart like a goddamn knife, scared and anguished, and Lloyd deserves it, god, he deserves it.
Anna yells, and Lloyd can feel the connection cut, can feel himself flying through dimensions until he's thrown back into his body with a panicked gasp, and he shoves himself to his feet, stumbling, slamming his hand to his chest in a desperate attempt to regain his breath. Where is he? He's here. Where's here? He doesn't know.
Sheena's here. Sheena's here. Take that knowledge and ground yourself. Count to ten, compose yourself, be strong. Lloyd takes a shuddering breath, forces the afterthoughts of the memories out of his mind and focuses on the scene in front of him. Sheena is sitting beside him, and she - Lloyd knows she's probably not doing much better than he is. So he leans down, grabs her hand, and squeezes it tight. A gesture of I'm here, I know. Malos and Anna, they're hugging, they're - they're talking lowly, by themselves, and. Zelos has his back turned, is walking away and a part of Lloyd wants to stop him, wants to talk to him and let him know that the fear that Lloyd saw in his face and heard in his voice, that they're valid, that he doesn't have to hide. Lloyd reaches out a hand, takes a step in that direction, and then the truth hits him like a Judgement spell. He has no right to do that. No right to pretend that he knows this Zelos, that he can help this Zelos when he couldn't help his own.
God, how did this go to shit so fast?
So he turns, controlling his breaths, eyebrows knitted together in concern as he looks back at Malos and Anna, at how tightly they hug each other. Does he really belong there? He's a reflection of the Lloyd they haven't had in their lives in five years, sure, but he just met them, really. That's a family hug. He's not sure he fits into that. But as he gets closer, sees the way Malos' clings tight to Anna, the way fear and left-over panic trace themselves into the sharp edges of his face, and worry wins out over concern for what they think of him. He walks over to them quietly, and once he's close enough, he kneels at Malos' left, gently placing a hand on Malos's shoulder and squeezing it.
"Are you..." Lloyd starts, pausing for a beat before changing his direction, shaking his head slightly. Malos isn't okay. Nobody is truly okay after these kinds of episodes. (The memories haven't left, only been walled off. Lloyd won't sleep tonight.)
"We're here," is what he settles with, knowing that the words do more to comfort him after these moments than simple questions of 'will you be okay?' "We're here, you're not - there's nothing here but us. You're here. Not there. Not where your mind wants to take you."