summonerd | i just wanna know: who broke it?

Zelos feels the ether disturbance in the air right before Kratos even appears in front of him, the change alerting him, yet not preparing him for the blast of pure light ether Kratos sends his way next. All Zelos has the time for is a yelp and a raise of his hands, messy and crackling flames dancing on his arms as his sword coalesces in his hands.

He manages to parry the ether blast, hold it against his blade, and then swing it over to the left, releasing all that light off somewhere else away from them both. Growling and with his stance lowered and locked into something more ready for a fight, Zelos then turns his attention back to Kratos, glaring as he passes his sword to his right hand to release his left.

This is ridiculous. "What the fuck are you doing!?" he shouts, gesturing with his free hand. "You're gonna freak everyone back at camp out!"

"As if they have not already been scared shitless by you vanishing," Kratos counters, eyes blazing. He stands, watching Zelos, waiting for an attack he's not entirely sure is coming. "Did you think no one would notice? Did you think no one would miss you? Did you think any one of us would want you to hand yourself over to Tethe'alla?"

He issues those questions, and he waits. He will block Zelos, should Zelos try and go past him, but he does not wish to hurt Zelos unnecessarily.

Sheena helps to set the camp up, as much on autopilot as anything else. Her mind is still a little foggy from the ether overload, but it barely matters; she could do this in her sleep if she had to. It's done quickly enough, either way, and Lloyd makes his excuses to slip away from the rest of them.

She thinks about going after Lloyd - the idea of leaving him to deal with the aftermath of messing with his emotions doesn't sit right with her - but before she can make up her mind, the full weight of Zelos's emotional bleed slams into her, hits her hard enough to knock any remnants of ether haze from her system, as well as knocking the air out of her. What the fuck is happening to him? "I'm gonna go see if I can catch up with Kratos," she tells Malos and Anna, with a poorly-hidden wince. "I'm getting kind of worried."

With that said, she hurries off in the direction Kratos went, using the awareness of her link to Zelos to triangulate their position. She can see flashes of ether before she catches full sight of the two of them - a fight, then, and she clutches her cards in one hand, breaking into a full run. They come into view, and--

"Did you think any of us would want you to hand yourself over to Tethe'alla?" Kratos is saying, looking poised to attack. Attack again? Sheena freezes dead in her tracks, eyes wide, taking in the complete lack of enemies around them. If he's not being forced, why would Zelos--?

"What," she starts, a little too quiet, the words dying in her throat, and then: "Zelos?" It's more uncertain than she'd meant for it to be, heart pounding too loud with anxiety, but-- what the fuck?

Kratos' words feel like a slap across the face for Zelos, yet another powerful reminder of his flawed logic and the lack of thought he's put into his plan. The shame that it leaves behind descends deep into his core until it touches the bottom of his being, then burning in the destructive, angry flame that rests there. Shaking slightly Zelos growls again, swiping a hand through the air in pure desperation. "Fuck you!" he snaps, all fury and fear and pain. "We are at war. We don't get the privilege of choosing what we want to do when there's--!"

Zelos chokes on his words. He's stopped, abruptly, by Sheena's voice cutting through their argument, and he turns his head to see his driver standing right there in-between the trees. His grip on his sword falters momentarily, expression reflecting all the horror in his core as Zelos realizes he's stopped holding the emotional bleed close.

This is bad.

Cold fear grips at the top of Zelos' core, and right there he remembers to enclose it in his hands, snapping the emotional bleed's flow once again, expression smoothing into something blank. How many times has it been now that he lashes out like this, that he fails his own driver? How many times Zelos he put Sheena on the spot, how many times has he been an ungrateful bastard to the people who rescued him and want to help him rescue his sister, how many times has he put them all in danger?

Where do the limits stand? How far has he pushed?

Just how much more of him and his idiocy are these people going to stand?

He should apologize, he knows. But standing where he is, in this second that he takes to just stare at Sheena, Zelos' tongue feels more like lead in his mouth, all his thoughts and words inadequate and shameful. Panic, for a second. And in that second the flame in his chest melts away at the ice, anger and fear mixing together in a dangerous, powerful emotion that moves him like a puppet, saying,

"Get the hell out of here. You shouldn't be here."

Edited 2019-07-19 15:33 (UTC)

Zelos catches sight of Sheena, and just like that, the emotional bleed snaps closed, leaving Sheena with nothing but her own worries and some echoing fear. That expression on him is enough to make her want to flinch with guilt and apologize, but - it's not like she's done anything wrong, here.

Being told to fuck off is… a little more hurtful than she would have expected, but more confusing than anything, really. She frowns, shooting a glance at Kratos to make sure her gauge of the situation isn't too off before fixing her gaze on Zelos again. Well, prying into it is only going to make things worse, when it's the two of them. Better to just--

"If you guys are ready to come back, sure," she says, brightly, pulling a smile onto her face that doesn't reach her eyes. "Camp's all set up."

Edited 2019-07-20 02:28 (UTC)

Kratos considers Sheena, then dismisses his sword. If Zelos moves again, it's not like it'll take more than a thought to summon it back. Perhaps violence isn't the answer, anyway. He waits, for a moment, sees Zelos hesitate. The words fill Kratos' throat before he can even mull them over, fill his throat and fall out of his mouth because they matter and they cannot be held in.

"You have a choice, Zelos," he says, softly. "It does not matter if we are at war-- you have a choice. That's what being free means. No one, especially not Tethe'alla, can tell you what to do, anymore. And Tethe'alla will not tell you what to do ever again, as long as I draw breath."

He wonders if this is too much, a step too far, but the words do not stop filling his throat and then bleeding out.

"If what you want-- what you really want-- is to march back to Tethe'alla and destroy their cannon, then fine. I will not rob that choice from you. I could never, not if it is your choice. I will tell you that your current plan is foolish, and that your pain at Tethe'alla's hands is not worth the freedom and safety of anyone else, but I will not stop you. You deserve a choice, Zelos."

He breathes. His eyes flicker over to Sheena, somewhat embarrassed, but he feels this must be said and is not sure when else he will get the chance to say it, does not want to let it go until it is too late.

"And... right now, you have the freedom to choose. So." Heart hammering, Kratos swallows. "Please. Make your choice."

Even if the smile doesn't reach her eyes, the single fact that Sheena's smiling, or at least attempting to, turns everything Zelos thinks he knows about the situation on its head. What? He draws a sharp breath and takes half a step back. Honestly, Zelos had expected to get screamed at again, or to be questioned, to be told he's a disappointment and untrustworthy, to be fought two on one; anything akin to a punishment, things he deserves for his unruly behaviour. Yet instead here's his driver offering a way back, quite obviously trying to remain calm about it all.

It's a lot to take in, at once. Especially when Kratos speaks up next, snatching Zelos' attention and holding it with his words. The Aegis' grip on his sword tightens just a touch, flames crackling gently in the following silence after Kratos finishes his speech. The raging fire in his core is snuffed out by the cold droplets of fear and shame left behind, logic finally breaking through his more overwhelming emotional side as it is finally calmed, as Zelos finally finds some semblance of focus in the way the sun finally disappears from the skies and the area around the three of them darkens considerably.

And just like that, Zelos is left at a loss.

Slowly, Zelos lowers his sword, his shoulders slumping as the fight is exhaled out of his system. The choice that Kratos leaves in his hands is like a fork in the road, two different outcomes he can pick to follow: go back to Tethe'alla and die a martyr, or continue to live to rescue Colette and Martel. The hurting, angry part of his core that demands justice through destruction urges him to go back and follow through with the former, but the shamed and small bits of logic he sees reflected in Kratos' eyes tells him this is just an excuse for a pointless suicide.

Is that really worth it? Is putting himself in danger like that, undoing everyone else's hard work and the ground they've covered so far, really worth it just for a chance to get revenge and choose the way he dies?

Does that solve anything? Is it really that easy?

Of course not. It's so much more complicated than that.

Sheena and Kratos' silence is deafening, so finally, he makes a choice. With a simple thought the sword in Zelos' hand is dismissed in a flash of fire, head lowered to glare down at the ground instead of any of his escorts. Inhale, exhale. Try to calm down, slowly release the emotional bleed as some sort of peace offering to his driver, a silent apology for his words. It's not a whole lot, he knows, but it's his own way to communicate as he mumbles to the open air, "We should head back already."

Sheena falls silent, watching Kratos speak. What he has to say isn't anything at all like what she expected, but... that's good, she thinks. It's not something she can really imagine their world's Kratos saying, in this situation. She has every intention of following Zelos all the way back to Tethe'alla if he does insist on leaving, but Kratos isn't wrong. She freezes, not wanting to make it any worse by saying something dumb, just keeps her eyes on Zelos instead, tries to push her anxiety down away from the link, as he thinks. There's more than a little relief that she can't hide when he deflates, mutters something about going back instead.

"Yeah, okay," she says, as casually as possible, takes a deep breath to help herself handle the influx of emotions that hit her, to keep her voice even. There's a moment's hesitation, then she reaches out, pats him briefly on the shoulder in a way that she hopes is reassuring with a smaller, genuine smile. "I think it's your turn to cook, but let me know if you want me to take it," she adds, still aiming for that light tone. It's a little easier, this time.

If she manages to catch Kratos's eye on the way back to the camp, she mouths a very heartfelt "thank you" to him.

Edited 2019-07-22 00:06 (UTC)

The next night, after camp has been set up, Kratos decides he has a question that's bothering him that he cannot let go unanswered much longer. So, he seeks Sheena out.

"Sheena?" he asks, fiddling nervously with his fingers. "Would it be alright if we had a word? There's something I wanted to ask."

Sheena looks up in surprise, not expecting Kratos to be looking to talk to her at all. She's just checking her supplies, taking stock of the few ninja tools she still has left besides her main weapons - nothing that can't wait.

"Yeah, that's fine," she says, getting to her feet. "What's up?"

Kratos nods cautiously for them to move a little bit away from camp, for privacy, and once they have, tries to gather his words.

"It's... a somewhat difficult question, so I understand if you feel uncomfortable answering, and would prefer not to," he opens with, because he likes giving people an out. "But I suppose I was wondering about... the Kratos you know."

His eyes drift away from Sheena and to camp, watching Lloyd for a moment as he mulls his thoughts over. He remembers, clearly, a conversation with Anna. ("I don't think he hates you," Anna had said. "I just think he doesn't know what to do with you? He said he barely knew his Kratos. Apparently he left?" And he remembers the twist of confusion and anger in her mouth as she said it, like she couldn't quite fathom Kratos leaving Lloyd. Kratos admits he's in the same boat.)

"Anna said he left Lloyd," Kratos says, drags his eyes back to Sheena. "And I'm still- It's difficult for me to imagine a world in which I would make a decision like that. So I suppose I'm trying to understand." He does not say that the notion of abandoning his son bothers him, but it's probably clear enough in the clench of his fists and the tone of his voice.

Sheena just nods as he clarifies, as much to show she doesn't mind as to show she's listening, watches him deliberate. She pauses to wonder why he'd ask her and not Lloyd, but sets it aside in favor of being glad he did. Lloyd doesn't need to have this dragged up again, really. It's easier for her to talk about it.

"I kind of wonder that, too," she says, with a humorless laugh. "I can't really say I know all of the details, but..." She takes a slow breath, uses the time to gather her thoughts. Where does she start, with a topic as broad as 'reasons Lloyd's dad is the worst'?

"Our world was... pretty messed up," she starts, runs a hand through her bangs. "In a lot of different ways, but-- the important part is that the Kratos from our world was one of the people responsible for messing it up in the first place." Sheena hesitates, because maybe that's not entirely fair? But for all that they'd helped, Yuan and Kratos had let Mithos do what he wanted to the worlds for thousands of years, at least - and she can't think of any way to articulate that without bringing up Mithos to begin with.

"I think maybe some of the reason he left was just the guilt of Lloyd having to be the one to take on most of the burden of fixing it? Staying would have meant facing everything he'd done, and..." If she'd been frowning thoughtfully before, it's something darker now, anger on Lloyd's behalf rising up in her as she continues, and she remembers belatedly to try and close off her end of the emotional link. "Even if his son needed him, I guess that was too much for him."

She realizes then that he might think her scowl is meant for him, and, well - he seems better than the other Kratos, so far, at least. So she pulls her face into something a little more neutral, lets out a laugh that isn't quite so dry as she says, "Sorry. I guess I'm still a little mad about it."

Kratos blinks. He's the reason Lloyd and Sheena's world was messed up? Sheena did say he was only one of the people, though, and Kratos can assume well enough... if their two worlds are reflected as closely as they same to be... Mithos was one of the others, wasn't he? He wonders if Martel was also involved, or if she died in that other world, too, and then decides to stop thinking about that.

He tries to fathom a guilt so strong he'd abandon his son (in a time of need!!) in order to cope with it, and still comes up short. He knows... maybe he's not the bravest man in the world, so he can kind of understand running from problems rather than facing them (he HAS been in hiding for the past four hundred years, after all, did not have the courage or the means to stop any wars after the first--) But that's different, isn't it? And he'd still like to think he'd do... anything, for Lloyd. Anything, so long as it meant Lloyd's happiness, and safety, and.

Oh.

Did he think Lloyd would be better off without him? Is that it?

Does that excuse it?

"You don't have to apologize," Kratos assures Sheena, scowling at his own sudden grasp of self-awareness, and how much he hates its taste. "I think you have every right to be upset. That was a foolish and selfish thing to do. Assuming Lloyd that did not need him, or want him..."

(As if he can judge. As if he would not do the same, as if there have not been a million decisions he's made because he's just assumed he is overstepping boundaries and asking too much and so better to ask for too little, for nothing at all--

Can he really say he's better? He wants to say so, wants to say because he's trying, but-- Is that enough? Is it up to him to make that call?

He hates this. He wishes he could punch that other Kratos in the face.)

He takes a deep breath, counts up to three, stops there because it's not really helping his anger. "Is it too late to tell him he's full of shit?" he asks, somewhere between tired and hoping. "I know I'm-- Sometimes I overthink things too much, so it might not be too hard to set him straight."

Sheena makes a little hum of agreement, eyes still on Kratos as he thinks it through. Lloyd had mentioned that he seemed like a better person than their Kratos, and she'd believed him, especially after yesterday, but - that's not the highest bar to clear. Hearing him condemn his alternate self's actions helps cement her view of him a little better, at least.

"I wish," she says, shaking her head, and looks like she means it. She wouldn't exactly turn down the opportunity to punch Kratos, either, if it was offered. "When everything was over, he took the rest of the organization he was part of and left into space. It's been about six months, so..." Sheena shrugs. "I'm not sure even Origin's power could do anything about it, now." Well. Maybe? She sets that idea aside for later, unlikely as it sounds to her ears.

"He," Kratos says, then stops, running Sheena's words over in his head again as if that will make them make any more sense. "Space?" he repeats, numbly, understanding the word and what Sheena has said but still not quite getting it, not liking the shape of the picture that has been painted for him. "He-- what the fuck?"

It's a cold, kind of sharp anger, one still buried in disbelief.

Edited 2019-07-23 19:56 (UTC)

In any other situation Sheena's pretty sure that reaction, coming from the mouth of a Kratos, would have been hilarious, but as things are, she can't quite find the humor in it.

"Pretty much," she says, pulling a face. "It's - the comet their base was on couldn't stay so close to the planet, after everything we changed, and it would have been hard to find a new place for all of the angels to live, but," she takes a breath, reminding herself not to get too in depth unless she actually wants to explain Mithos's plan of creating a world where no one had hearts, which she absolutely does not. "That doesn't mean he had to be the one to leave with it."

There's a note of concern from Zelos, and Sheena winces just a tiny bit, realizing that he'd probably felt her reaction to talking about Kratos before she cut it off. She smooths her emotions over as best she can, opening the link enough to send something reassuring back his way. The note of fondness isn't entirely intentional, but maybe it helps cover up the low bitter anger notes still roiling in her heart like an old wound. They don't feel directed at Zelos, at least.

Edited 2019-07-24 00:49 (UTC)

Kratos scowls. It makes sense, is what he keeps finding, at least abstractly. Comet couldn't stay? Fine. But-- Sheena's right. Why did Kratos have to go?

Kratos-- this Kratos doesn't really feel the weight of duty, he just understands it, vaguely, conceptually, as all blades do. (Duty to a driver he never even got to know...) But he cannot imagine picking duty over family. He simply cannot.

"You're right," Kratos says. "He should have stayed. I still-- Maybe I can understand why he did that, but I'm still quite certain it was the wrong choice." Honestly, look at how it has left Lloyd, in the fallout. Look at how adrift he is, now. "If I could kick my own ass, I would."

And once he's said that, he gets kind of embarrassed, tries to rein it back in.

"Anyway." He clears his throat. "Thank you for answering my question. I'm not sure the answer has brought me any peace, but I... I appreciate knowing some of what you and Lloyd have dealt with, I suppose."

He fidgets, a little, and then: "That was... all I wanted to talk about," Kratos says. "So unless you had something you wanted to ask me...?"

That one startles an actual laugh out of Sheena, though she cuts it short with a hand over her mouth. "It's not like you're the same person," she says, a little awkwardly. "But I get it. I would've liked the chance, too."

She waves his gratitude off. "It's no problem," she says. "And... thanks for asking me about it, instead of Lloyd. I'm pretty sure he still has a hard time talking about this."

Hm. She pauses to think about that - would the question she has in mind be too much? It feels like it might be, but on the other hand, she's not really exposing any secrets here that Kratos doesn't already know. And it's not like she'll stop worrying about it if she doesn't ask. So.

"Actually, if it's okay... you knew the other Aegises, right?" Of course he did, Sheena, they're Mithos and Martel. "Is--" Hm. No, that's not the right wording. She starts over: "Just - Zelos, yesterday. That's not... normal for blades, right?"

Kratos hesitates for a long moment, rolling Zelos' actions over in his mind-- more out of an inherent want to come to peace with them than actually finding Sheena's question difficult. Because...

"No," he says, simply. He just doesn't have much of an answer past that. "Whatever that was, yesterday..." He has guesses, but feels weird speaking without certainty.

He tries to find somewhere to start that's slightly less direct. When he finally does find the words words, he speaks haltingly, somewhat pained. "I admit I don't know nearly as much about the artificial Aegises-- about Zelos and Colette-- as I do the originals. But. Mithos and Martel... they were both held captive for only a few years before I rescued them. Tethe'alla has had Zelos for... almost a hundred years, now. That's plenty of time to do... who knows what."

He trembles, slightly, likely imperceptible other than the shakiness of his inhales and exhales. He reaches his left hand over to his right wrist, gripping it loosely and running his thumb back and forth over where his ether lines are, even if they are not exposed. It's soothing. Helps him stay grounded. (Reminds him, a little, of Anna.)

"I always thought Zelos and Colette were better off," he continues, chest tight. "Since they were never being used in the cannons, but." He smiles, bitter. "I suppose I should know better than anyone else that humans don't need the cannons to do horrible things to blades."

"Oh," Sheena says, softly, almost more an exhalation of horror than a word. She'd thought - well, Zelos looks like he's the same age as their Zelos had been. She hadn't even wondered. If he'd been treated like that for a hundred years...

"... That would do it, I guess," she says, still quiet. "That's --" She shakes her head, hard, to clear it. "Whoever did that to him better hope I never run into them." Her voice is dark, barely restrained; she swallows, slowly, double-checks that the emotional link is still closed.

"Mm," Kratos says, in agreement, feeling much the same. He certainly won't show any mercy when they reach those holding Colette captive, and not just because of Martel and the cannon and whatever else is going on.

And then it hits him, all of a sudden. It's not that he'd forgotten, exactly, just that he'd forgotten to think about it.

Sheena's human.

Kratos is perhaps more startled by the fact it had managed to slip his mind for an entire converastion than the fact he's remembered it. Imagine that. A human who isn't Anna that doesn't immediately set him on edge.

He laughs a little before he can help it, a soft sound directed at his own winding thoughts. "I- sorry," he says. "It's just... Well." Maybe he shouldn't bring up how much he hates humans, just on principle. "Zelos is lucky to have you for a driver," is what he says instead. "And it's... nice, to speak with a human who actually cares about blades. I'm grateful."

For his own sake? For Zelos'? ...yes, both, but he rather hopes Sheena interprets it as the latter.

Oh, Sheena wasn't expecting that at all. She flushes a little, rubs the back of her neck.

"Ah... thanks," she says, sheepish. "I don't think I'm doing anything special, though. I'm just not from here, so it's easier to see how messed up the whole system is."

Is she doing well? It hasn't felt like it, much, with the amount of times she and Zelos have managed to step on each other's toes in only a few short weeks, but... They've improved a little, at least, haven't they?

Thinking about her resonance with Zelos reminds her of the idea that's been sitting at the back of her mind for most of those weeks, that she's been turning over on watch duty and as she drifts off to sleep, without any real success so far. Well, if anyone would have any ideas, Kratos doesn't seem like a bad place to begin.

"While we're on the topic," she starts, shifts her weight to the side. "I don't want to leave things like this, where blades can't do anything about who they resonate with, and I know Lloyd doesn't either, we just - haven't really worked out a plan, yet. You wouldn't have any ideas, would you?"

Edited 2019-07-25 08:34 (UTC)

"I... do not," Kratos says, after some consideration. He certainly does not have any of his own, not any that he thinks would work. "Mithos might, though."

Truthfully Mithos has already had ideas, it's just none of them have worked, yet. Perhaps he would not be opposed to workshopping his ideas, a little. Perhaps a fresh set of eyes-- several fresh sets of eyes, actually-- might...

Oh.

He supposes Mithos might not want to hear any ideas from this traveling party, actually. Maybe Kratos could convince him otherwise? But it would take time, and realistically they aren't going to stay with this party once Mithos is awake (he would not want to dally while Martel was in danger and Kratos would not be able to get him to stay), so...

"It may have to wait until Martel is safe, though," Kratos says, somewhat apologetic.

Sheena almost completely suppresses a flinch at Kratos's words - at the idea of what Mithos's plans for preventing blades from being mistreated by humans must be like - turning it into a thoughtful look, though he might still catch it if he's paying attention. (Not that she can entirely blame him, if Mithos's plans are along the lines of what he'd come up with in the other world, but-- well, obviously that's not going to work.) She nods, instead, a little surprised by his tone.

"Rescuing them is more important for now, anyway," she says. "Just-- for after that. It'll probably be easier with more of a place to start than 'figure out if the Architect is real and see what we have to do to make him fix things.'" From the offhanded way Sheena says it, it almost sounds like she could be talking about not being sure what to make for dinner. She shrugs, with that, offers Kratos a small but still confident smile. "Either way, we've got time to come up with something. We can only cross Sylvarant so fast on foot."

Kratos does, in fact, notice Sheena's flinch, and he scowls at it, more out of confusion and worry than anything else. Anna has mentioned that she thinks Something happened between Lloyd and Sheena and the Mithos they knew, something she probably guesses was Bad, but Kratos hadn't really appreciated what that meant until right now. (All the more reason for him and Mithos to go on ahead, he supposes.) He doesn't say anything, figuring Sheena would rather pretend he didn't notice, so Kratos pretends as such, and focuses instead on her comment.

It's funny, actually, how offhandedly she says it, considering the truth.

"Well, if it helps at all, the Architect is real," Kratos informs her. "Though I'm not certain making him do anything about the mess he made will be easy. Not that I've met him," he clarifies, after a moment. "But Mithos has, and Mithos' opinions of him are..." He trails off, his silence and grimace probably doing more to convey how exactly Mithos feels about his father than words could. Kratos hums, thoughtful. "But maybe he would be more willing to listen to humans, if you asked him for help."

ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT FOR COFFEE?

YES

SORRY TO THIRD WHEEL YOUR COFFEE DATE BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE

REBECCA IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

ENLIGHTEN ME THEN

YOU COULD COME GET COFFEE, TOO

Zelos can't get anything with milk in it because he's lactose intolerant

Does he want soy or almond milk then

anxiety man strikes again

i love him

good someone has to

WE ALL DO

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sorry he got heavy on main

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