summonerd | i just wanna know: who broke it?

i just wanna know: who broke it?

[Sheena'd thought she was all done with dimensional travel, now that the two worlds were united. But here she is, having fallen asleep in one world and woken up in a Tethe'alla that's just different enough from the one she knows to be constantly jarring. Her connections to Aselia's summon spirits dangle loose, snapped by distance - not even Origin's power could follow her here, it seems. That's more than a little unsettling.

It takes her some time, alone in a bizarro version of Meltokio as she is, but eventually she stumbles on a lead - an old scientific journal, a mention of the power of something called an Aegis being able to transcend space and time, at least in theory. And a little asking around tells her that Tethe'alla has its own Aegis, though no one's seen it for years. Well. Worth a shot, right?

Somehow she manages to talk her way into the Tethe'allan castle where the Aegis's core crystal awaits being woken up, with a series of smiles and her very best politicking - yes, of course she's got nothing but loyalty for Tethe'alla, of course she's skilled at this, of course it'd be a great honor.

(Zelos would be proud, she thinks, wryly.)

They're dubious, but her persistence wears them down, or maybe they're just desperate enough for a return of the Aegis's power to let her try, and the orange core crystal is offered out to her.

She takes a deep breath, and reaches out to touch it.]

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Malos leans over and kisses Lloyd's head before he really thinks about that gesture either, squeezing Lloyd briefly in return. Anna reaches over and squeezes Lloyd's wrist.

"Thank you," Malos insists. "For checking on me. I feel better. I really do."

The two family members actually traveling with him right now (Lloyd counts, he does!) are accounted for and next to him and very very alive. He didn't fuck anything up. They survived.

They survived.

He's alright.

Ahahaha, everything went to shit so quickly.

She'd settled on the ground next to Lloyd to watch the fight, curious to see both how Anna fought and how Zelos handled himself since she'd hardly been able to focus on him during the escape, but, well. Malos falters, and Zelos snaps, and his anger rushes into her like a lava flow, unstoppable and completely overwhelming. For a second she forgets how to breathe in the face of it. Lloyd's hand finds hers, though, and she squeezes back tight, pulling herself back. It's enough to get her through until Zelos slams the door shut on their connection, letting the tension ebb. Her grip relaxes, one much gentler squeeze of gratitude before she lets go so he can get to his feet. She doesn't follow, not wanting to intrude on the family group hug, but she stands and dusts herself off as he goes, heading after Zelos. It's not hard to tell, with the way he's been talking about himself and what she'd seen in the castle, that it had been personal for him, and worry and some anger of her own on his behalf builds in her.

"Hey," she says as she catches up to him, awkward, unsure of how to start, but - she can't not, right? It's not like she actually expects a Zelos who's only known her for a day or two to open up to her, but they have to start somewhere. "Are you--" No, of course he's not alright. Come on, Sheena. She takes a deep breath, starts over: "You wanna talk about any of that?"

Walk away, walk away. Slowly make your way over to their camp, where everything else lies gathered, and inhale, exhale. Calm down. Hum a little, keep your voice steady to make it seem like it's natural, walk about looking for something to do. Make yourself useful. Make yourself useful. Spot the fire, unlit and half-assed, and set yourself to the mind-numbing task of fixing it up and lighting it if only to escape everything that just went down.

Don't think about everything you just did. Don't think about how you ruined everything, just focus on fixing something else instead.

Better to be useful than a menace, right?

Ah.

Intent on ignoring literally everything around him but himself, Zelos reaches the gathered wood for their fire tonight, kneeling down in front of it and examining it, humming still and keeping his face as cheerful and unbothered as he can. It's a show, it's a dance. It's falling apart, but--but that's fine. It's fine. He can pick up the pieces and try to keep it afloat. The Aegis' back is to the commotion, dead-set on ignoring the fallout of his meltdown if only to make it go away faster. Because maybe if he doesn't pay attention to it then it can't come catching up to him at all. The last thing he wants is for this to escalate and blow up in his face any further, so Zelos keeps the whirlwind of emotions trapped in his core, hands shaking, all that shame and rage and dread singing a cacophonous song of fate in his veins for him and him alone. He breathes it in, rearranges the wood. Breathe in, breathe out. Fix up the wood.

Fix it, fix it, fix it.

"Hey."

He blinks.

Sheena's voice is an unwelcome addition to the situation. His smile falls for a second at the sound, but Zelos at least manages to catch himself before he lets go of the emotional bleed in his surprise, before he truly reacts, and quickly so he plasters that smile on his face again like nothing's happened. Then Zelos twists to look at her over his shoulder, all smiles and friendliness, definitely a stark contrast against the last she's seen from him. He's not stupid, he knows that she's going to be suspicious, but. Still, he keeps up the charade, rising to his full height after she stupidly asks him how he's doing, if he wants to talk.

No, Sheena, he doesn't want to talk. He wants to put this behind as fast as possible, in fact. Wants to pretend it never happened. Wants to pretend he's not a fucking menace to the world.

But he can't say that, he knows. He can't lash out again.

So he laughs instead.

"Talk about what?" he plays dumb, tilting his head. He blinks innocent eyes at his driver, hands on his hips for a second before he grins, decidedly not giving her any time to react when he immediately speaks again, saying, "Hey, you wanna see something cool?" while removing his right hand from its spot on his hip, channeling ether into his palm and linking it to the ambient ether around the wood. Palm up, he raises his hand slowly, heating up the air around the wood until a flame flickers to life on it, growing, growing, growing. Once it's lit Zelos laughs again, snaps his fingers and lets go of the ether in his hands. The flames crackle with the snap of the connection, a strong and powerful release, before settling back down.

Look at his handiwork, he thinks. Look at what he can create, instead of what he can destroy. Sparing one look at the fire Zelos puffs out his chest, smirks, and gestures to it with his free hand.

"Ta-dah!" he goes.

Pride is easy to fake.

Edited 2019-04-12 15:08 (UTC)

Wow! She'd expected a reaction kind of like this, really, wouldn't have known what to do with Zelos being genuine about his feelings in the first place, but the way he just blows it off entirely gets her hackles up a little anyway, crossing her arms loosely. It's brief, though, easily brushed off; he's not being awful, and it's not like she can blame him for it.

But okay, yeah, a topic change is fine. At least it'll distract him a little. "I guess that is pretty neat," she allows, charitably. It's just lighting a fire, Zelos. Sheena's no mage, but it's hard to spend much time in the imperial lab - or travelling with Genis and Raine - without picking up a few things about magic. She's not really more than idly curious, but it's an excuse to keep the conversation going, and an excuse not to have to deal with the fact that she feels just a little uneasy about letting him out of her sight just after his outburst. "Actually, do blades not need to use incantations? The mages I've known back home do for most things, but I just realized I haven't seen anyone here do it." Is that why he'd thought her treating his weapon like a summon spirit had been so funny? Fuck. She takes a step towards the fire, glancing down into it.

It's a little embarrassing and ridiculous how any sort of praise right now is absolutely and completely welcome, how Sheena agreeing to his simplistic trick with the fire being neat already pulls Zelos into an illusion of being actually wanted. He laughs at it, a little in awe at himself, and lowers his hand to his side. Looking at the fire is a better than looking at literally anything right now, so he sets his sights on the flame he created and parses Sheena's next question.

Keep the conversation flowing, Zelos, just use it as a safety rope to get yourself out of this hole. He's still holding his side of the resonance link, but the terror and despair slowly die down to make way for a full-on hit of shame and desperation instead, so he's not exactly ready to let it go just yet. He'll work on that, though. He will. So, sorry, Sheena, but you're going to have to wait.

Just don't call attention to it, please.

"Nah, not really. Blades are hyper-sensitive to ether, since we mostly function on and are made up of it. And ether is everywhere, so it kinda becomes second nature to manipulate it for us," Zelos starts to explain, one hand gesturing at the fire. "Imagine taking a scoop of water in your hands and throwing it at someone. You just do it, right? Barely any thought behind it." He shrugs. "That's kinda how it is."

The words simply leave his mouth, somewhat comforting in the way they come and go, the way he's allowed to sink into the topic change no questions asked. Explaining blade and ether basics to his own driver wasn't something he'd ever pictured himself doing, but for some reason, now that he's here, he finds that he doesn't mind it as much as he thought he could. It's a good excuse to not talk about anything else, at least. And Sheena's willing to learn, willing to listen, looking genuinely curious with every little question and interaction they have that dips anywhere into blade basics.

It kinda gives him some sense of purpose, in a way. That's kind of nice.

The fact that Sheena can't feel anything obviously not stemming from her is strange, if he'd accepted the topic change with this little complaint, but maybe the emotional link comes and goes? It's not like she knows how this works. She should ask, probably, but-- later, maybe. This seems like it's a safe topic, and she's made enough mistakes in the last day or two for her liking. She stretches lightly, still watching the fire as she thinks about what he said.

"Huh," she says, contemplative. "That makes sense, I guess. If you're that closely linked to ether, you don't need the same kind of focus. The summon spirits in my world work the same way, but there are... a lot more blades than that." They can't all be as powerful, right? Not if Zelos is special. Maybe it's just that there's so much more ether than there was mana, back home, and more blades because of that.

"Like I said, ether is everywhere. The whole of the world is made up of it, and blades regulate it as well, so it's not like it's a limited resource." Zelos hums, taps twice at his core crystal. Keeps his expression guarded and neutral as the sound of footsteps coming closer registers in his hears, continues staring into the fire. "A blade's ether output power depends exactly on their ether input ability. It's part of what separates regular blades from Aegises, too."

And that's all he's willing to say on the subject tonight, because as soon as the rest of their party members get close enough to the camp to start talking, for Zelos to hear their words, the Aegis shuts his mouth, constructs a mask of smiling friendliness and tries to pretend everything is fine. He smiles when he's looked at, laughs when he's addressed, sits somewhere he won't bother anyone else, and makes himself useful by keeping the fire alive. And slowly, as he pushes his shame to the back burner and allows it to snuff itself out on the leftover fires of his rage, he starts to let go of the emotional bleed, easily fabricating calm and boredom for his driver to feel.

No one mentions what just happened. Everyone chats low, gets ready for bed. Slowly but surely things simmer down to something close and similar to normality.

But overlooking an issue does not mean it's forgotten.

Of course it's not that easy. There's still a shaky, taut tension in the air that Zelos can feel permeate the scene, an unfortunate reminder of what just went down that everyone messily attempts to leave behind, stretched silences, discomfort. It feels bad. All the guilt in Zelos' gut evaporates and leaves him in a puff of shaky annoyance through his mouth, an emotion directed at everyone else, at the situation, and at himself.

Really, can't they just leave it all behind, he thinks. Can't they all learn to pretend like he can? All this unease is putting him on edge.

He deserves the unease, of course, but.

Still.

Zelos sighs.

Despite it all, the rest of the night is thankfully mostly uneventful and low-key. Stubborn as they may be humans still need to sleep, so it doesn't take too long before Anna and Sheena have already conked out, Malos following suit of his driver. With the majority of their group asleep Zelos allows the fire to die down a little, its crackling gentle in the overpowering silence of the night. Sighing, he lifts his gaze up to the skies, watching the stars as they move and dance across the darkness, seeking comfort in the only thing he couldn't possibly reach or break. He keeps his senses sharp, though, watching for any changes in ambient ether, highly on guard.

He said he would keep watch, after all. The least he can do after his fuckup is keep that promise and keep these people safe.

Except it's a little distracting when the third other human in this group is fidgeting and causing ripples in the ambient ether every now and then, still stubbornly awake, apparently.

It makes Zelos groan.

Tearing his eyes off the sky and looking down to where Lloyd has settled himself for tonight feels like he's being interrupted, so Zelos lets himself be annoyed, even if he's totally doing this out of his free will, glaring at the boy from a distance. Lit up by the low fire, the red of Lloyd's jacket is hard to miss against the darkness of the night, the moons' light bright in the skies along with their stars. His eyes are very, very obviously open. Zelos is pretty sure that humans need their eyes closed to sleep.

He cocks his head, hums. Watches. Everyone else has the right idea. Is he not going to sleep, or what?

This world is vastly different from Lloyd's own, but the stars are the same, which is a welcomed surprise. It makes sense, honestly - this Aselia shares a lot of the same towns, cities, and general geography of his own, but... It's weird. Lloyd knows better than to think that maybe the stars he's staring at are anything more than a reflection of the stars on his Aselia, but. The comfort that the familiarity brings him, that leads him to think that maybe his Colette, his Genis, his Raine, they're all staring at the same stars, waiting for Sheena and him to return home - it's large enough to help him push down at the growing, stubborn sense of unease and anxiousness that settle themselves in his gut. Lloyd shouldn't be here, not with the ghosts that linger in his mind, not with him being so weak as to break so quickly and violently whenever faced with something he's not ready for.

Sleep escapes him, just as he knew it would, and honestly, he's not upset about it. Lloyd knows that had he been able to sleep, had his over-clocked mind taken the chance to rest, he would have had nightmare after nightmare. This entire day has been shrouded in episodic flashbacks and feelings he refuses to truly give the time of day, and he knows that with days like this, he's usually prone to waking up with a yell. The last thing Lloyd wants is to wake everyone up, to show them how broken he is, so he takes the involuntary reprieve not sleeping allows him and stares up at the sky, fighting off half-thoughts and memories with stories of heroes burned into the night.

He thinks of a lot. Thinks about his actions today, of the words he shared with Anna and Malos. Of losing his composure, of embarrassing Zelos and crossing several lines by accident. Thinks about how he ditched Sheena to deal with the fallout of his break-down and swears he'll be better about that. Lloyd fidgets, trying to stay quiet, though the rush of his mind makes it impossible for him to find a comfy position. So he stands, quiet as a mouse because Sheena is definitely sleeping quite nearby, and tip-toes away, careful to keep silent as he reaches for his swords, watching out for any tree branches he might snap.

There's a smaller clearing only about twenty feet from the campfire. Lloyd settles himself up against a boulder jutting out from the hillside and puts his arms behind his head, looking back up at the sky with a sigh. He wishes he had his carving tools here, something he could use to distract his hands. Lloyd's not in the mood for training, not when the memories that haunt him are of the fighting kind, and he just misses creating things for a change. Misses tinkering, misses making jewelry and small wooden gifts. Instead, he keeps silent, keeps focusing on the stars that twinkle, the moon that dimly lights the forest with peaceful white light. There's the constellation Efreet, with Celsius facing against it in a dueling dance. Sylph, to the right, a connect-the-dots picture of playful vitality. As the list grows, and Lloyd recognizes more and more, the world once again fades to his own. But it's blurry, fuzzy, the gentle touch of a man unknown to him guiding his chubby hand, pointing at the sky.

They say all heroes become stars, one day. Says the man, with a low timbre and a fond smile.

Lloyd blinks and the image fades, and for as much as he claws his mind for it again, for any possible continuation of that memory, of a time when Kratos was there and happy to be with him, it's gone. Letting out a defeated sigh, Lloyd pulls his arms out from behind his head, staring at the stone that's settled in his left hand, glinting bright blue against the moonlight. He doesn't know what to think about Kratos anymore, doesn't really know what to think about anything anymore. The past two days have challenged him in a way comparable by only a few others in his life, and he doesn't know if that's going to stop anytime soon. Gently, Lloyd places his right palm over the sphere, blinks, and looks back up at the sky.

He's overwhelmed. Confused, tired, and upset. But there's a beat of hope that keeps coming up from beneath the cracks. This could be a second chance to prove his worth to reflections of people who should have never met him.

A noise. Lloyd swings his head to the side, already reaching for his swords, but a bright orange glow coats the trees of the direction the noise came from, so Lloyd forces himself to look relaxed. His heart beats hard in his chest, tense and more than a little nervous, because why the hell is Zelos coming to talk to him, and how is Lloyd going to get through this without slipping up, without embarrassing himself further?

Lloyd takes a deep breath, counts to three. "Zelos?"

Considering how fidgety and uncomfortable Lloyd looks while watching the sky, the moment that he gets up and walks away from their little camp, Zelos sighs, settles back down, and resolves to give him about five minutes before he follows after him. Damn it. Really, the main reason he doesn't immediately get up and stop him is at least he had the mind to take his swords with him, but Zelos can't help but be annoyed yet again at Lloyd's disregard for structure. Like, come on, kid, how the fuck is Zelos supposed to keep you all safe if you leave his sight like that?

Geez.

While he waits for the perfect time to get up and walk over, Zelos concentrates on the ambient ether instead. It's peaceful, calm. Zelos can still feel Lloyd's weird, less condensed ether signature even from far away, so he at least knows he's still around, even if he's still restless. It's weird. It feels weird, even if it makes sense, that he and Sheena share the same type of signal, though Lloyd's is explicitly a lot deeper than Sheena's. Plus, sometimes Sheena's signature feels like many different types of ether--or maybe it's that mana thing, Zelos thinks--are coursing through her veins, while Lloyd's feels like a single, powerful thing that's covering, or amplifying, something else.

Zelos sighs, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. Now that he's paying attention to their signatures, he's left with more questions than answers. He's so curious. These people are so weird.

But, anyway.

Five minutes have passed.

With a quick push, Zelos gets up from his seat and walks over to where Lloyd left to as quietly as he can, following the pull of his anxious little signal. He finds the clearing and feels more than sees Lloyd resting behind a boulder on the hillside, eyes fixed on a stone on his left hand. Huh. The sight is curious for many reasons; for one, Zelos knows Lloyd is not a blade, would be able to tell if he was, but there's so much at odds with his ether--mana--signature and the power emanating from that stone to completely rule out the possibility. But, also, the stone is not a diamond shape. Most blades have that, right?

Hmmm.

Zelos walks over. Maybe there's a blade-adjacent race of people in Lloyd and Sheena's world? Probably. Could be. It's not too crazy to think about. Zelos would love to ask, but then Lloyd catches sight of him as he approaches, startled, and the way he reaches for his swords forces Zelos to pull his hands up in a peace gesture, anxious, but keeping his face and posture playful while Lloyd composes himself.

"Heyo, bud," Zelos offers a laugh. Slowly, he lowers his hands, tilts his head. Smiles. "Can't sleep?"

Edited 2019-04-14 19:48 (UTC)

Lloyd blinks, eyes adjusting to the glow of Zelos' visible ether lines, and breathes out a quiet laugh. "Yeah," he answers, keeping his nerves tight in his grip, making sure to watch his words, to keep calm around Zelos and interact with him like a normal person, damn it. "Sleep and I have a complicated relationship in that it hates me."

That isn't a lie, and he says that in a completely joking tone - even before the angel transformation, Lloyd always had a hard time falling asleep. Back then, it was mostly because of excitement, rushing and roaring thoughts coming and going like high tide. Lloyd's pulled many all-nighters in his life, simply because sleep evaded him like nothing else in life. Even if he has trouble now with a combination of forceful angel abilities and persistent nightmares, it's not like it was ever really easy for him to fall asleep.

"Sorry," Lloyd says, as a second thought, shooting Zelos a sheepish grin. "I should have let you know I was going to walk away. Forgot you were on the first watch."

And then the words escape him, and Lloyd's left scrambling for his thoughts, anything he could use to keep some kind of conversation going before the awkward silence is felt by them both. Unfortunately, everything his mind gives him are collections of times long gone - inside jokes, taunts and teases, knowledge that his Zelos had granted him that don't apply to this Zelos, that he can not and never will forget. He can't toss an arm around this Zelos' shoulders and pretend that he's the same Zelos Lloyd once knew. This Zelos doesn't deserve that, doesn't deserve to have his own identity stripped away from him again, and Lloyd remembers the moments of his own Zelos' quiet vulnerability when Lloyd saw first hand what it could do to someone.

He will never do that to any Zelos, no matter how much this confusing and, frankly, entirely painful, experience leaks into the thin bandages on Lloyd's heart.

"U-um," Lloyd stutters, desperate to leave that train of thought behind and cut off the growing awkward silence. "Would you like me to come back? I could take watch if you wanna sleep."

Zelos offers him another little laugh at his joke, approaching fully and standing by the boulder. He leans against it, arms crossed. Listens to Lloyd's apology, then shrugs, nonchalant even through his annoyance. "It's fine. You looked distracted anyway."

Truth be told, Zelos had felt guilty enough to consider keeping watch literally all night. He'd been counting on being the only one awake through the whole thing, letting everyone sleep and using the quiet to gather his thoughts and feelings, to strategize and analyze, but with Lloyd awake that plan completely evaporated into thin air. Having to babysit another human when he'd wanted to be alone is annoying, sure, but it's the fact that Lloyd had been so happy looking at his sword earlier and is now so obviously distressed that pulls at Zelos' guilt again. He did this, he knows he did, and so the visceral desire to fix everything he destroyed takes a hold of Zelos and silences him for a few minutes, looking up to the skies for some clue on what to do, some way to help, some way to repair his mistakes.

And then Lloyd speaks again, stuttering, and the easy, breathy laugh that comes out of Zelos' lungs is honestly just amused.

Something about the way Lloyd fidgets and worries tells him that he just isn't going to sleep, and since his earlier plans to just mope and grump on his own are busted, Zelos might as well make himself useful here instead. There's so many facets to this kid anyway, and he can't say that the way Lloyd jumps from emotion to emotion is not intriguing as hell, so. With a quick move Zelos pushes himself off the boulder and approaches fully, plopping himself down right next to Lloyd, leaning back with his arms behind his head.

Even if Lloyd jumps, if he's showing any signs of more distress, Zelos doesn't comment on it at all. He just smiles. Smile, smile, smile. Stay casual. Raise your eyes up to the skies, to the stars above. They always hold the answers to navigating anxiety.

Maybe this way he can fix some of what he broke.

"Nah. You're obviously not sleeping and neither am I, so you might as well keep me company instead, or something," he says, voice low enough not to bother the rest of their sleeping companions. He hums for show, sighs. Makes a sound of surprise like he just got an idea, adds, "Hey, question. Does your world have stars too or is that an exclusive feature to mine?"

Lloyd chuckles a little at Zelos' question. It's not a dumb one, certainly, but the idea of a world without stars seems impossible to think of - truly, Lloyd would never want to be in a world like that. He follows Zelos' lead, looks back at the night sky, at its twinkling stars, shining back down on them comfortingly. This far out in the middle of nowhere, the starfield sprawls out like a blanket over them, safe and familiar.

"Our world has stars, yeah," he answers, enthralled by the warm feeling that comes with watching the night sky with someone he's weirdly acquainted-yet-not-acquainted with. And that feeling is what carries him into a sort of peace - this, this is safe, he thinks, sneaking a quick glance at this Zelos. He can handle this. Lloyd shifts his gaze back to the sky.

"Actually, we have the same stars and constellations. There's Gnome, over there," he says, and Lloyd points a little to the right of where Zelos' gaze probably is. "I saw Efreet, Celsius, and Sylph, too." Lloyd pauses, unconsciously pouting a little bit. "I was looking for Luna earlier, but I think that one might not be visible until summer. I dunno, maybe it's different on this world."

Realizing he's rambling a little bit, he bites at his lip, willing himself to calm down. He's - well, he's still anxious to prove himself trustworthy to this Zelos, but he also just wants to show him that what happened in the morning was an outlier, that Lloyd can and will be better than that. Even if Lloyd knows deep within his heart that getting close to this Zelos will do more harm than good, that keeping distance between himself and the people he's met on this reflection of his world is the best course of action so he can get out of here relatively unscathed, growing attachment already roots itself in his heart like thorned vines. He wants to impress them all, show them that he's a good kid, that he means well.

But he shouldn't, so he keeps quiet about his end. Besides, who's to say that he'd have a good effect on this Zelos, anyways? Look at how much good he did for his own.

Lloyd shakes his head, continues on with the star-thoughts. He's familiar with the way his brain works, how one subject matter will split into twenty subtopics, and five from there, three from that - it's hyperactive, and in moments like these, it could be enough to distract him dangerously. Count to ten, Lloyd. Count to ten.

Crickets chirp, owls hoot, and the campfire's crackles and pops can be heard from here. The sounds of nature, the beaming smiles of light being shined down from the stars, the closeness of Zelos, they all help to ground him, remind him where he is. So Lloyd paints on his own grin, nudges Zelos lightly in the shoulder. "I wonder if my world's stories about stars are the same over here."

Hearing Lloyd take the lead of the conversation and ramble actually is a pretty good way of preparing himself for the actual conversation to take place, Zelos finds, so he doesn't really mind it at all when he starts rambling. He does frown, however, when Lloyd starts naming constellations that quite honestly make no goddamn sense to Zelos at all. Gnome? Efreet? What?? And what the fuck is a Celsius, isn't that a unit of measurement or something?

Hello????

It's a little amusing, though. Disarming, too, catching him by such surprise that before he even thinks about it Zelos finds himself laughing softly and genuinely at the ridiculousness of it all. What the hell, honestly. And Lloyd sounds so convinced on what he sees, but where he points out Sylph, Zelos sees the Leftherian Titans. Where he says he sees Gnome, there's Uraya. Clearly they have a case of miscommunication here, huh?

Maybe their worlds differ more than they expected. It's so much to take in and unpack, but it makes sense, Zelos thinks. Just because the stars are apparently the same it doesn't mean the cultures that come up with the constellations are equal at all.

That's... actually kind of funny.

Lloyd nudges his shoulder, and with the perfect opening presented right in front of him, Zelos takes his chance to snort again, shrugging himself off the boulder to sit upright. "Ha! Well, seeing how I didn't even recognize half of what you just said, I think you're onto something here," he offers. Grinning in enjoyment and raising a hand to point up at a particularly bright cluster of three stars, Zelos traces a familiar figure he's memorized from old astronomy books, shining strongly even after fifty years.

"That's the Zohar cluster," he laughs. He moves his hand to the left, continues speaking. "And that's Uraya, then Argentum a little underneath. Then Meyneth and Zanza over there, always next to each other and locked in battle." Zelos pauses, lowers his hand. Breathes out a puff of air and leans back on his palms, eyes fixed on the stars, laughing and teasing without any real bite to it. "Architect, what the hell's up with your skies? I can't imagine it any differently than this!"

Lloyd scoffs in faux-offense, slapping his right hand over his heart and gaping at Zelos, but his giggle betrays his amusement. "What's wrong with our skies!? Nothing! Your skies are the ones that are weird! What the hell is a Uraya?"

He drops the act, allowing himself to laugh freely. Sticking his left hand behind his head so he can lean back against the rock comfortably, he lets his grin soften into a smile, staring back up at the stars. "That cluster you pointed at - the Zohar cluster?" Lloyd pauses, glancing at Zelos for confirmation before continuing, "in my world, it's known as the Origin Cluster. The legend behind that is my favorite. Basically, this spirit with ultimate power, Origin, created the world with the help of other summon spirits that he shared his power with. My world was born from that cluster using starlight."

It's weird how just two years ago, that legend had just been that: a legend. Meeting and forming a pact with Origin was - still is - such a foreign concept to Lloyd. Holding the Eternal Sword in his hand had made Lloyd terrified: no person should ever hold as much power as he did at that moment. And he remembers how in his moment of weakness, the whisper of Zelos' name brushed against his ear, how he thought - just for a second - that he might have the power to turn back time, to right his wrongs.

But humanity was counting on him, so he was able to shake his head and continue on, the shame of his weakness shackling itself around his heart. Lloyd had understood Mithos' plight from the moment he knew the details, but at that moment, he empathized. Lloyd is not his uncle, would not have been able to make everyone suffer for his own desire to see Zelos alive again, but... With that power came a horrifying sense of selfishness.

Lloyd never wants to feel that again.

Forcibly pulling himself out of his thoughts, he continues on with the story. "Origin created the world, moved it to a place in the universe where it would thrive, but we would still be able to see his light. From there, every spirit offered a gift to Origin's new world - Undine gave us water, Gnome gave us the earth, Efreet, fire, Aska, light, and so on and so forth. Finally, they combined their powers with Origin and helped him create humanity, slipping into a deep rest after the creation of our Aselia."

There's a beat of silence, Lloyd trying to figure out where to take the conversation next, before he just decides to bite the bullet and ask, "do you guys not have anything like summon spirits over here?"

While Lloyd's retelling the story of his world's origins--no pun intended, he laughs softly. Or maybe yes, who knows--Zelos keeps his gaze trained up on the stars and the stars only, eyes fixed on the Zohar cluster as he learns of its mirror in Lloyd's parallel, backwards version of Aselia. It almost beckons him with its glow, titillating above as Lloyd speaks of spirits and gifts. Huh. Somewhere in the distance he hears the fire's crackle weakening, and with a quick flick of his wrist Zelos reignites the flame to keep the others warm, mind absent from the motion as he thinks.

Zelos thinks of another Aselia, the one where Lloyd and Sheena call home, and the many gods it houses within its atmosphere. Tries to picture its geography, its heavens, its systems. He wonders where their versions of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla are, or even if they exist at all. If they're at war or at peace, or if they're, Architect forbid, maybe allies, ridiculous as it may sound. If humans are any different there from here. Wonders if there's a connection between mana and ether, wonders about the stone on Lloyd's hand. Thinks, quietly, about this parallel reflection of his own world, and wonders if there's a Lloyd and Sheena in this side of the mirror as well.

Thinks of a memory he shouldn't have. Of blood on a green glass floor. Of his own laughter ringing out of the mouth of another man. And with laughter echoing in his ears, slowly, without even noticing it, Zelos tenses.

There's... clearly a lot more differences between both Aselias than just the cultures in charge of fabricating myths and legends about the stars, huh.

Ha ha.

"Nah, no summon spirits or anything fancy on this side," Zelos laughs again, a darkened sound as he allows himself to fall back on the boulder, resting against it. He sets his arms lazily over his stomach, feeling much more relaxed than he probably has any right to, and keeps his expression blank even as he shrugs. "Just a lousy god called The Architect whom no one but the original Aegises have even seen in the many years of Aselia's existence," he then adds.

He breathes. Once, twice. The purple-teal-green glow of the Zohar cluster above is already burning itself into Zelos' violet eyes despite his attempts to tear them off cluster, so mesmerized as he is about them and Lloyd's tale. Because, duality sure is a funny thing, isn't it? Zohar cluster in one world, Origin cluster in another. A gathering of godlike light with a deep meaning tied to the creation of Aselia in one world, a simple belt of stars shining down on Aselia in another. Meaningful there, meaningless here.

Dies, died, will die.

Lives, lived, will live.

Zelos thinks he kind of understands, now.

A smile spreads on his face, something amused and accompanied by a little chuckle. Finally, with great effort, violet eyes leave the cluster and turn to look at Lloyd instead, making direct eye contact. Even in the darkness, red on green fills his vision. It makes Zelos grin. "Funny, ain't it?" he asks, light, jokey. "If our stars have completely different stories attached, I think I'm kind of afraid to find out just what else is different, now!"

Edited 2019-04-17 00:44 (UTC)

’I think I'm kind of afraid to find out just what else is different, now!’

A large bubble of toxic panic pops in Lloyd’s throat, and he holds back a flinch as he works to keep the smile on his face, a mostly normal-only-a-little-nervous laugh finding its way out of his mouth as he thinks of the scope of that one statement alone. He can tell Zelos is joking, so he keeps on the cheerful expression, forcing the quickly-rising rate of anxiety back into his mind, desperate to ignore it. Memories continue to rise up past the cold dread that lingers in the corners of his mind, but he puts up wall after wall, determined not to break like he did this morning.

You have no clue, Zelos.

Deflect, deflect, deflect. This is a dangerous topic to be on, so Lloyd changes the subject only a little bit, keeping it connected enough where the shift won’t be obvious, pulling his gaze away from Zelos’ own, one that threatens to entrap Lloyd in it’s cold familiarity. “Well,” he says, pushing back some fringe with his right hand - he needs a haircut, had been meaning to get one before Origin showed up - “it seems like it’s mostly cultural stuff. Which. Yeah, that tracks, actually. Even if our worlds look similar, they’re very different otherwise, I think.”

Segue time! Lloyd taps at his forehead, thinking, and as his next topic comes into mind, his grin turns from a somewhat forced one to one that’s actually legitimate. “Hey, Zelos, at least you don’t gotta deal with weird ass Katz here! That’s a bonus your world has over mine, even if your constellation names are equally weird.”

Lloyd's words wash over Zelos' not-quite-here-but-still-here mind, reel it back in in surprise, and pinch his brow and tear his gaze away from the Zohar cluster again. Wait, what? What? Zelos is already wheezing out another laugh when Lloyd's done speaking, looking so expectant, and it causes an incredulous look to slap itself on his face as Zelos asks, a little too loud, "Of course there's cats in this world? Holy shit, Lloyd, what the hell have they done to you for you to hate them? They're so cute!"

And so it begins.

What started as probably just a joke then turns into a five minute debate as they both struggle to understand the true beauty of homophones, then a short explanation on Katz and why they suck forever and cannot be redeemed in the eyes of any god, followed by a lengthy comparison on other small, mostly meaningless differences between both of their worlds. They compare names, culture, geography. Food, at some point. Art, at another. Superficial things that mostly scratch a childishly curious itch, but nothing more.

But that's okay, really. Under the starlight and with only the sounds of nature keeping them company, together with their voices and the crackling of the fire in the distance, Zelos finds that he just doesn't mind if their conversation sticks to the superficial and mindless. Because he's pretty sure that if he hears anything deeper and more serious about the worlds' differences now then he might not like what he finds--the confirmation that he wants is thus sent to the back of his mind, forgotten for tonight, locked together with the existential horror that he knows will come with it. So he humours Lloyd. So they talk for now, casual and easy, until the dark blues and blacks of the sky begin to leak light blue and pink, until morning comes and Zelos realizes, belatedly, that he's left a human without any sleep.

Damn it. Failed step one, huh?

Well, that's not his fault, right? Lloyd did this of his own accord. Maybe it really was like he said and sleep just hates him. The fire has been allowed to go out at some point, Zelos guessing that the morning temperatures are probably much more tolerable than those felt during the night for a human's senses. He's a fire blade, so it doesn't matter to him, but. Gotta be courteous for the humans. Gotta be nice.

Laying down on the grass, staring at the swirling colours of day and night, the transitional moment never quite getting old for a once caged bird seeing it outside for the first time, Zelos suddenly feels unease. Maybe he should get up and check in on the others, a part of him thinks, but the tension from last night comes back and haunts him the second he even dares to think about the only other driver-blade pair in this group. Zelos makes a face. His little episode from merely a few hours back already lies limp in his memory, but there's still licks of anxious energy lapping at his feet like water at the prospect of facing Malos and his driver, leftovers from the intense storm of yesterday that haven't quite left the shores of his conscious.

Lloyd and Sheena already seem to not care about it, though. That's... good, right? The fact that literally half the people here have already apparently forgiven him and he didn't get into any significantly threatening trouble for stepping out of line. The fact that his driver didn't do anything.

That's something, right?

Huh.

Stirring in the ambient ether warns him to an early riser. Zelos blinks, sighs. Makes a choice, rises from his spot on the grass, stretches, dusts himself off as he gets ready to join their party before anyone freaks out about their clear lack of an Aegis nearby. He makes quick, direct eye contact with Lloyd, then silently gestures at the dead campfire with his chin. Briefly, Zelos entertains the idea that he might have to explain why Lloyd's out here with him, but then decides that maybe the kid should explain himself instead.

Because what a curious sight this human makes, having just stayed up with an Aegis all night just talking, not even bothering with actually keeping watch, and returning to camp looking like it hasn't actually affected him.

The day's travel is largely uneventful, so far - being two days out of the city and not passing too close to any other population centers they don't need to be too careful with their movements, and no one manages to set off anyone else's PTSD, for once. It's a new high score, for this group. Sheena doesn't press Lloyd on the fact that he clearly didn't sleep much, if at all - she will, if it comes to it, but one night won't affect too much.

It's a little after midday when Sheena makes up her mind, catching up with Anna towards the front of the group while Malos, Lloyd, and Zelos are distracted talking about something else. "Hey, um... is it alright if I ask you something?" she asks, as she falls into step with her.

Sheena's question pulls Anna out of her thoughts, which she immediately forgets after she stops thinking about them. It's fine, they probably weren't important. Doesn't matter much now, anyway.

She turns to Sheena, head tilted a little with her curiosity. "Yeah, sure!" she says. "What's up?"

It's just..." She hesitates a moment, not sure what to ask first. Hey, Sheena, why didn't you think about this before you started the conversation? It's fine, it's fine. "The whole driver thing -- I still don't really know what I'm doing," she admits. "You and Malos are from here, it seems like you've got this down pretty well, I just-- I could use some tips, I guess." She lets out a small breath of a laugh, a little self-conscious thing, and fiddles with a loose thread on her glove, though she doesn't look away from Anna.

"Ohhh," Anna says, understanding. She thinks over it a moment, and then--

Well, she probably shouldn't start here.

She can't not start here.

"Blades aren't tools," she says, scowling. She scoffs a little, angry. "Despite what the general population would try and have you believe. They're people, just as much as me and you are. Which-- you probably figured that out already. You look like you got eyes."

Anna sends Sheena a brief, sharp smile, trying to laugh about it to cover up how much this pisses her off. But. Sheena isn't from here. As much as she doesn't know how to be a good driver, she doesn't know how to be a bad one, either, doesn't know how the world expects this to work, and how the world is wrong.

Sheena... didn't exactly get the easiest blade to figure this out with, either. Zelos remembers how awful the world can be, while any other blade wouldn't, couldn't.

"Lotta people on this world don't think like that, though," Anna continues. "Even though they should. Which fills this world with a lot of bad drivers. But if you want to be a good one... You just have to remember it's a relationship. You have to be open with your blade, trust them, make sure they know they can trust you."

Anna nods, pretty confident in that explanation. Then she feels a little sheepish.

"But, uh, if you'd like some more specific tips...?" she asks.

Sheena mirrors the smile, small and quick and not getting anywhere close to her eyes. "Yeah, I-- I noticed that," she says, and makes an effort to push down her own anger before it can make its way to Zelos. She's not sure yet if what this world likes to do to blades is worse than Tethe'alla's treatment of half-elves, just yet, but she doesn't like it either way. At least no one there had been denying that half-elves were people.

But, well. Getting angry about this world and blades probably isn't the most productive course of action here, not when the only blades in the vicinity are one whose driver clearly cares about him and one who she's trying to be a decent person towards. She makes a little bit of a face as she listens to what else Anna has to say, taking it in. The idea of earning Zelos's trust is…

"I dunno," she says, rubbing awkwardly at one shoulder. "Probably most of it is stuff I have to talk out with him, it's just--" Boy, is she awful at that! "It's hard knowing where to start? Especially since it's only been a couple days." At least those few days had been enough for her to start to differentiate this Zelos from the one she'd known, in her head.

Anna sends Sheena her most encouraging smile.

"Maybe try finding some kind of common ground?" she suggests. "Even if it's about something silly."

Anna wishes she had better tips on that front, but at this point she's known Malos for longer than she hasn't known him, so it's hard to remember how exactly they started getting along. And... again... Zelos is different becuase he's the Aegis, and even if Kratos told her a lot about Aegises Anna wouldn't call herself an expert. She only knows what Kratos knew about the originals, anyway, and... she's beginning to think the artificials lead much different lives...

(Zelos is also different because he's Zelos, and not Malos, and...)

"The good news is that being on the run from a government that wants you dead tends to be a great bonding experience," Anna adds, grinning. Maybe she shouldn't joke about that. (It's true though.)

"That's true," she says, with a soft laugh. Common ground is good advice, but she's not sure what common ground they could really have. (She's not even sure what she'd had shared with her own Zelos, come to think of it.) "He did get a kick out of me not knowing what to do with his sword, I guess. That's something." Better than nothing. She nods, cementing something like a plan of action in her mind, then stops, turning her attention back to Anna.

"Oh, um," she says. "Actually, I also meant to ask about the… sharing emotions thing? Is it always," she pauses for a moment, trying to think of the words for it. "So strong?" It's… helpful, she guesses, at least as far as knowing if something's wrong, but do blades and drivers really live like this all the time? It had felt almost like drowning, when Zelos had panicked - she's not sure she could protect him, if that happened in a fight.

"Ohhh." Anna hums. She barely thinks about it anymore, since it's been some twenty years she's been in resonance. "You can siphon it off a little, but you have to like... actively siphon it off, y'know? So it's hard when you're distracted, sometimes. Mostly just good for keeping embarrassing things from slipping through."

Embarrassing things like... not wanting to feel what your dad feels when he's flirting with his husband, or similarly not wanting to send what your dad what your husband makes you feel. Especially not when--

Anyway.

"I'm not sure if I'd be very good at explaining how to do it--" (It's kind of just something you... do! She hasn't thought hard about it in years.) "--but I could give it a shot...?

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TIME SKIP GO

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HE GOT HEAVY ON MAIN AGAIN

LISTEN, HES VALID

One timeskip ready to go

whoops

IT'S FINE IT'S FINE

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