i just wanna know: who broke it?

[summonerd]

[Sheena'd thought she was all done with dimensional travel, now that the two worlds were united. But here she is, having fallen asleep in one world and woken up in a Tethe'alla that's just different enough from the one she knows to be constantly jarring. Her connections to Aselia's summon spirits dangle loose, snapped by distance - not even Origin's power could follow her here, it seems. That's more than a little unsettling.

It takes her some time, alone in a bizarro version of Meltokio as she is, but eventually she stumbles on a lead - an old scientific journal, a mention of the power of something called an Aegis being able to transcend space and time, at least in theory. And a little asking around tells her that Tethe'alla has its own Aegis, though no one's seen it for years. Well. Worth a shot, right?

Somehow she manages to talk her way into the Tethe'allan castle where the Aegis's core crystal awaits being woken up, with a series of smiles and her very best politicking - yes, of course she's got nothing but loyalty for Tethe'alla, of course she's skilled at this, of course it'd be a great honor.

(Zelos would be proud, she thinks, wryly.)

They're dubious, but her persistence wears them down, or maybe they're just desperate enough for a return of the Aegis's power to let her try, and the orange core crystal is offered out to her.

She takes a deep breath, and reaches out to touch it.]

Comments

[presidentheartbeat]

The moment that Anna materializes her blade's sword Zelos feels the temperature shift of Malos' ether in the ambient, and right away his calculating mind slots him as a darkness based blade. Okay, he can work with that. That's fine. Zelos lowers his stance, fully expecting Anna's eagerness and excitement to push her forth first, and feels a smug satisfaction coat his being when he guesses right.

Anna's speed is a surprise, however. Zelos knows right away that he's not going to get away with a sidestep, so instead he braces himself and locks blades with her immediately in a loud clash. He's still off-balance a little, though, but he digs his heels in as he's pushed back, desperately reaching for that pre-programmed something in his veins that he'd used to fight his way out of Meltokio Castle.

It'll take a while for his instincts to kick in properly, he knows. He laughs through grit teeth, the effort to try pushing back quite mighty to his out of practice bones. "Eager, are we?" he mutters. Then he feels himself finally gather his footing and shoves Anna away, following with a quick twirl-slash-twirl. "You having fun?"

[theactingdad]

Anna laughs like she is, and maybe she says as much, but, Architect, Malos is not having fun, actually!

Or, he was, up until about half a second ago.

Zelos' sword hits his and their ether clashes and--

The world spins, for a second. The strength of Zelos' ether is much much much more feeble than the last time Malos felt it, but, the taste, the way it clashes against his own ether--

Breathe. Breathe.

Take that panic and shove it somewhere Anna can't feel it. Keep biting it down as the swords connect, part, connect again.

"You good, Malos?" Anna calls.

"Yeah!" he lies.

It's dumb as shit. Zelos ain't gonna kill either of 'em. It's just a regular-ass spar and Zelos is outputting an incredibly-regular amount of ether that isn't bound to kill anyone anytime soon.

Anna is so excited, anyway. He can stick it out another minute or two.

[presidentheartbeat]

The satisfaction from before returns with a vengeance once again, though this time it's much, much angrier than before. Because the more that Zelos clashes his sword with Malos', the longer that Anna swings her blade's sword like it's nothing, the ambient ether around her ripples and stutters. Like it's sick. Like it's in pain. Unsurprising, given they're fighting the Aegis, but it still manages to piss Zelos off immensely. She calls back to her blade once, at least, but all it takes is a very obvious lie for her to turn back around and slash at Zelos again.

For her to ignore it. For her blade to simply take it like he's supposed to, or something.

For her to act like any other human.

But Zelos isn't a fucking idiot.

Attentive of Malos just as he is of his driver, Zelos feels a boiling anger slowly rising up his gut, burning, escaping his mouth in a tight, cruel laugh. Honestly, after a while, he's already stopped trying to clash swords and is now simply focused on dodging, words like knives sharpened in his throat that he releases in a shout. "Yeah, this is fun, right?" he sneers, twirling again, dodging, dodging, dodging. He growls low, hastily switches his sword into a passive state once again, devoid of ether as he parries the next blow and forces Anna into a lock.

The impact hurts like hell. Still, Zelos risks a glance at Malos, sees him wincing, and

something

snaps.

Before he can help himself, Zelos is screaming. "It's so fucking fun when you're not the one getting hurt, right?!" he shouts, pressing his passive blade right against Anna, trying hard to ignore the way Malos' ether burns him without the protection of his own. "You just gotta use your fucking blade to fight the Aegis, right? No problem with that! Easy to turn a blind eye when it doesn't hurt for you, right?!"

[ilivedbitches]

"Easy to turn a blind eye when it doesn't hurt for you, right?!" Zelos says, and--

mother fucKING SON OF A DICK

First and foremost, Anna jumps back out of Zelos' reach and drops Malos' sword, which dissipates immediately. No more of this bullshit.

"Malos!" she shouts, voice sharp, as she rounds on him. He flinches, deliberately avoiding her gaze.

He was keeping such a tight hold on the emotion bleed that Anna really had no luck of feeling Malos' panic. She should have noticed that she couldn't feel anything from him, really, so that's on her but. Anger snaps hot in her chest, heart dropping into her stomach. She wants to yell at Zelos, becuase that's not fair, that's not what she meant, but Malos' panic slips through his grip on the emotion bleed, then, and.

Oh, Architect. It's bad.

It's really, really bad.

She staggers a little under it as she marches towards him, zeroing in on this becuase he's hurting, he's hurting and he didn't tell her, she was hurting him and he didn't fucking say a word.

"Malos what the hell," Anna spits, furious. "Why didn't you say anything? We literally-- you know the drill!" Their entire family is a collection of people who have all been scarred by trauma in some way, so they have systems in place, agreements, safewords, I-can't-explain-but-trauma-just-got-real-bad-so-stop-everything code words. "Fucking shit I could have hurt you!!"

She's almost in his face now, seething with fury and pain and he still flinches away from her-- but it's guilt that coats their emotion bleed, and embarrasment, and-- that panic panic panic so thick they're going to choke.

"Didn't wanna spoil your fun," Malos mutters.

"I'M NOT EXACTLY NOT HAVING FUN IF YOU'RE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!"

"It's stupid--" Malos begins, and then stops at a look from Anna. He huffs. Rolls his eyes. "I know, I know, trauma ain't stupid but like. It ain't his fault!"

"It-- What." Anna starts to go off about how that doesn't matter all that matters is Malos not putting himself in danger of the physical or emotional kind but his word's register and. Whose fault is it not? "What are you...?"

Malos turns his head away further, rubbing at his scarred arm. "It's just-- It's like I'm standing there waiting for my shield to fucking fail all over again. Like any minute now we're gonna fucking die. Like-- fuck." He presses his hands against his eyes. "It's-- It's not his fucking fault."

[presidentheartbeat]

The anger roaring in Zelos' core is a nasty, horrible thing that he wishes to turn outwards more than anything else he's wished for in his entire life. It's like a disgusting, misguided knife that points itself outwards, so much different from its usual position pointing inwards, a weapon created after years of abuse and misuse and sharpened by experience and hate. Hate, hate, hate. Hate overflowing, overpowering, watching Anna as she drops her blade's sword, watching her demanding answers from her terrified, hurting blade--

And then... Malos talks. Malos explains himself.

Malos says it wasn't his fault.

And it doesn't take a fucking genius to guess whose fault it is.

Ah, haha. Uh. Shit. The anger is snuffed out by cold terror instead as Zelos draws a sharp breath and doesn't let it go, staggering backwards one step before he stops himself, determined to hold his ground. He gathers the emotional bleed into his core before Sheena can get any stupid ideas, decides to suffer alone. Because this... isn't how he'd expected this to go. This isn't what he wanted at all. And there's still so much left in his system that he just wants to scream out, things he wants to blame on Anna, on everything she represents, but the way she treats her blade and the way Malos speaks to her are honestly, honestly making it very difficult to stay mad.

"It's not his fault," Malos said. Zelos feels something painful sliding down his throat, something that causes him to slowly, absently dismiss his sword in a flash of orange light. Not his fault. Not his fault.

Not his fucking fault? Bullshit. That's such bullshit. Everything about this is Zelos' fault.

If he hadn't been made--

Zelos releases that breath, realizing that his hatred is misplaced, that while Anna may be untrustworthy, she's still not the whole of the world. Zelos can't put his hatred on someone who listens to their blade and drops literally everything just to make sure they're okay. When the only reason the blade is even upset is because of his ether. The angry, twisted knife is turned back inwards instead, when he realizes what a big, stupid fuckup this all is, when it becomes apparent that he's lashed out for literally no reason at all. And that hurts worse than the ether burns from Malos' sword, he finds, because with all eyes on him and his own stuck on the scene before him Zelos is now forced to come face to face with what a stupid fucking destructive force he and his ether are.

He shouldn't have been made.

He shouldn't have been made.

He shouldn't have been made.

"Would you look at that," he says after a laugh, something low and slightly manic as he raises both hands in an 'oh well' gesture, eyes wide. He's doing everything he can to not stagger backwards again. "Y'see this shit? That's what Aegis ether does. You really sure you wanna use this to fight your goddamn war?"

He should never have been allowed to exist.

[ilivedbitches]

Malos definitely isn't doing hot, but that's-- probably something they're going to have to unpack a little later, especially because letting Zelos know he almost killed them last time he was in the cannon isn't exactly a smart move at literally any point in time, especially since... Zelos doesn't look like he's doing too hot right now either. Of course he isn't. No one is.

Anna takes a deep breath. Turns to look at Malos again, meet his eyes. She doesn't need words to ask him something as simple as is it okay if we handle this in a sec, and he nods somehwat-miserably at her. Sending him a soft smile she turns towards Zelos again.

(Malos grabs her by the hand before she can go far, which makes Anna's chest hitch with worry and also fondness. She doesn't protest, though, lets him grip her wrist. He probably needs it.)

"Who here said anything about using you to fight a war?" Anna calls to Zelos, confused but trying to be gentle. She realizes that-- fuck, maybe she implied it, at some point? She can't remember. Or maybe he's just (rightly) paranoid, considering...

What he is. How everyone else in his lifetime has treated him.

(Kratos, tense and sarcastic-- "Forgive me for not trusting so easily, it's not exactly like humanity's track record is perfectly clean.")

"Zelos..." Anna says. "All we want is to get you somewhere where the assholes out there who do want to use you can't anymore."

[presidentheartbeat]

All of that terror, shame, and self-loathing trapped in a loop in Zelos' core as he fights tooth and nail to keep the emotional bleed in check grows larger the more that Anna speaks. Yet her words are so obviously gentle, something that's meant to comfort and understand, so foreign and yet familiar, and that combined with all the attention set on his little outburst makes Zelos slowly recoil back into himself, shoulders tense, expression hardened into a glare that hides vulnerability and embarrassment. He... has no idea how he let the situation get out of control this fast, but the fact that it has slipped out of his hands fills him with dread and a desperate desire to go back, go back, forget what just happened, what he just did, because--

He's stepped out of line, again. Zelos pushed at buttons he shouldn't have, endangered a blade just to prove a point, and made his travel companions suspicious. Bared his true feelings out for a dangerous second. He's singlehandedly burst that easygoing bubble he'd literally just said he was enjoying having spread over them all, brought back the tense and awkward mood from yesterday.

All he ever knows how to do is destroy.

Fucking... damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Fighting back the surge of animalistic fear at the consequences of his actions to keep the self-important and angry mask on is nearly impossible, but keep it Zelos does, and slowly but surely he manages to unfurl from his lowered stance. Breathe in, out. It's fine, he can control this still, he can do some damage control. It doesn't seem like Anna would want to punish him for speaking out of line, at least, just that she wants some answers. He should give her some answers. It's the least he can do.

Unfortunately for him, honesty was never even his forte, nor was trust ever something he could give away easily. Besides, it's much easier to fall back upon familiar habits than it is to step forth into the light.

So he snorts. A quick, breathy sound of finality as he flips his hair back, as he plasters a smile on his face. "You know what? It's fine. Doesn't matter, really," he says, brushing it all off like it's nothing, vice-grip on the emotional bleed steady and strong as he lightens his voice into something friendlier and much more placating, steady and determined in a way to portray an air of 'I will not be convinced to do otherwise' within his words. "Anyway, neither of you look up for staying up all night guarding the camp, so I'll take first watch."

[risingfalcon]

At the start of the fight, Lloyd had been sitting down, legs crossed, leaning forward in anticipation to see the spar, to compare and analyze the blades and how they were used, how they resounded against each other, but then -

Zelos loses his composure. Starts screaming at Anna, and the delirious laughter, the uncontrollably furious sneer and the words, the words, the words, they echo in the forest clearing, as loud as the sound of Zelos' sword clashing against Malos' blade. The tone, the way the fury and hatred coat Zelos' voice, it drips into a storm, the fear, the anxiety it creates in Lloyd rushing up like a tsunami on a dark shoreline, threatening and succeeding in swallowing him whole. He's drowning, this world fading into his own, the forest clearing gaining blue totems and a misty shield, flashes of green branches protruding through the scene, gnarled and ancient. This Zelos' words fade into that Zelos' face, a painful shock running its way up Lloyd's spine as he reaches out, reaches out, he keeps reaching out -

but he's drowning. The waves bring him back under, and he swims up, tries so hard to break free, to breathe, but he can't, he's stuck, he's stuck, he needs help! Lloyd blinks his wide eyes, the world suddenly shifting back into the campsite, but its blurry, unfocused, because he's not actually here, he's still in the Tower of Salvation, clutching the broken and battered body of the man he killed in more ways than one, and the mouth on that man moves, and it tells him 'it's so fucking fun when you're not the one getting hurt, right?!'

Lloyd can feel himself choke on Zelos' trauma, can feel the way it wraps around him and shoves itself through his heart like a goddamn knife, scared and anguished, and Lloyd deserves it, god, he deserves it.

Anna yells, and Lloyd can feel the connection cut, can feel himself flying through dimensions until he's thrown back into his body with a panicked gasp, and he shoves himself to his feet, stumbling, slamming his hand to his chest in a desperate attempt to regain his breath. Where is he? He's here. Where's here? He doesn't know.

Sheena's here. Sheena's here. Take that knowledge and ground yourself. Count to ten, compose yourself, be strong. Lloyd takes a shuddering breath, forces the afterthoughts of the memories out of his mind and focuses on the scene in front of him. Sheena is sitting beside him, and she - Lloyd knows she's probably not doing much better than he is. So he leans down, grabs her hand, and squeezes it tight. A gesture of I'm here, I know. Malos and Anna, they're hugging, they're - they're talking lowly, by themselves, and. Zelos has his back turned, is walking away and a part of Lloyd wants to stop him, wants to talk to him and let him know that the fear that Lloyd saw in his face and heard in his voice, that they're valid, that he doesn't have to hide. Lloyd reaches out a hand, takes a step in that direction, and then the truth hits him like a Judgement spell. He has no right to do that. No right to pretend that he knows this Zelos, that he can help this Zelos when he couldn't help his own.

God, how did this go to shit so fast?

So he turns, controlling his breaths, eyebrows knitted together in concern as he looks back at Malos and Anna, at how tightly they hug each other. Does he really belong there? He's a reflection of the Lloyd they haven't had in their lives in five years, sure, but he just met them, really. That's a family hug. He's not sure he fits into that. But as he gets closer, sees the way Malos' clings tight to Anna, the way fear and left-over panic trace themselves into the sharp edges of his face, and worry wins out over concern for what they think of him. He walks over to them quietly, and once he's close enough, he kneels at Malos' left, gently placing a hand on Malos's shoulder and squeezing it.

"Are you..." Lloyd starts, pausing for a beat before changing his direction, shaking his head slightly. Malos isn't okay. Nobody is truly okay after these kinds of episodes. (The memories haven't left, only been walled off. Lloyd won't sleep tonight.)

"We're here," is what he settles with, knowing that the words do more to comfort him after these moments than simple questions of 'will you be okay?' "We're here, you're not - there's nothing here but us. You're here. Not there. Not where your mind wants to take you."

[theactingdad]

Malos feels-- bad, he really does. It occurs to him that he definitely should have put a stop to this immediately instead of letting it play out, considering now he's just-shy of having a panic attack and Zelos is clearly upset, not to mention Sheena and Lloyd had to watch all that. Son of a dick. He's an idiot.

Still though. Nothing he can do about Zelos at the moment. (He wants to apologize, wants to explain, but he can really only explain so much of what that was without telling Zelos the whole truth, and he's not sure if he has a good enough lie in him.) All there is to do is to take care of himself.

He's already sunk onto the ground with Anna, pulling her into the tightest hug possible. Just holding her (She's alive. He's alive. They're alive.) is doing wonders, at least.

"Why the fuck's Jin all the way in Hima," Malos whines. The definitely irrational fear that everyone did die on him while he wasn't looking sits in his core crystal whether he likes it or not. Holding Anna definitely, definitely helps, but like...

"He and Lora were bored out of their minds, is why," Anna tells him, laughing. "I'd suggest we go see 'em, but Hima's way too far out of our way." She sits up a little straighter, a quick note of anger spiking . "Oh fuck, you remembered to leave 'em a note, right?"

"I did."

"Oh thank fuck. Jin would have frozen half the continent with his worry."

"And Lora would have promptly torn apart the other half."

They laugh, a little. Hold each other. It's fine. It's a little better.

Lloyd comes over not long later. Malos sends a grateful look up at him, touched immensely by his concern and-- aw fuck. What the hell? His grandson's such a good kid. Malos hopes he can raise his own Lloyd to be even half this sweet.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Malos tells Lloyd, smiling up at him as well as he can muster. He is feeling pretty okay, at least. Could be better. "I'm here. We're here. No one's dead-- well." He sighs. Not everyone made it out that night, of course. But no one here is dead, at least. Anna squeezes him a little tighter.

Malos pushes the thought out of his mind and looks up at Lloyd. Lloyd's... Architect, he doesn't look like he's doing too hot, either. Before Malos can convince himself it's a bad idea, he shifts, yanks Lloyd towards him and and wraps him in as crushing of a hug he can manage while his other arm's around Anna.

"Hey, you're here too," he whispers.

[risingfalcon]

Lloyd smiles softly at Malos, but the expression soon morphs into surprise as he yelps at Malos' tug, immediately falling into his grandpa's grip because Malos is really fucking strong and just that yank was enough to knock Lloyd off balance. He lands a little uncomfortably on his side, very glad that his sword belts have been off for the past hour or so, but... the hug helps further ground Lloyd, actually, makes it a little easier to drop his hyperfocus while not having to sacrifice focusing at all. And it - it feels nice, too. Malos is kinda crushing him, but it's a good kinda crush, like being held by a giant, sentient teddy bear. Similar to the time that Genis, Colette, and Sheena all tackled him down, but a little more merciful to his spine.

Okay, the description is getting away from him. Lloyd lets his head rest on Malos' shoulder for a few moments, enjoying the hug, and then looks up at Malos when he hears the whisper. The fact that his mask must be transparent if Malos just knows something is wrong messes with Lloyd a little bit, because if the man he just met can tell something is wrong, everybody else probably can, and Lloyd doesn't wanna worry them, not after what happened in the minutes previous.

But the words soothe Lloyd's anxieties down, act like a verbal band-aid on a particularly bad scrape, so he swallows down the thoughts and lets the words soak in. And he leans a little more into Malos' hug, tries to return it best he can by wrapping an arm around his grandpa and squeezing.

"Thank you," Lloyd replies, and he means it.

[theactingdad]

Malos leans over and kisses Lloyd's head before he really thinks about that gesture either, squeezing Lloyd briefly in return. Anna reaches over and squeezes Lloyd's wrist.

"Thank you," Malos insists. "For checking on me. I feel better. I really do."

The two family members actually traveling with him right now (Lloyd counts, he does!) are accounted for and next to him and very very alive. He didn't fuck anything up. They survived.

They survived.

He's alright.

[summonerd]

Ahahaha, everything went to shit so quickly.

She'd settled on the ground next to Lloyd to watch the fight, curious to see both how Anna fought and how Zelos handled himself since she'd hardly been able to focus on him during the escape, but, well. Malos falters, and Zelos snaps, and his anger rushes into her like a lava flow, unstoppable and completely overwhelming. For a second she forgets how to breathe in the face of it. Lloyd's hand finds hers, though, and she squeezes back tight, pulling herself back. It's enough to get her through until Zelos slams the door shut on their connection, letting the tension ebb. Her grip relaxes, one much gentler squeeze of gratitude before she lets go so he can get to his feet. She doesn't follow, not wanting to intrude on the family group hug, but she stands and dusts herself off as he goes, heading after Zelos. It's not hard to tell, with the way he's been talking about himself and what she'd seen in the castle, that it had been personal for him, and worry and some anger of her own on his behalf builds in her.

"Hey," she says as she catches up to him, awkward, unsure of how to start, but - she can't not, right? It's not like she actually expects a Zelos who's only known her for a day or two to open up to her, but they have to start somewhere. "Are you--" No, of course he's not alright. Come on, Sheena. She takes a deep breath, starts over: "You wanna talk about any of that?"

[presidentheartbeat]

Walk away, walk away. Slowly make your way over to their camp, where everything else lies gathered, and inhale, exhale. Calm down. Hum a little, keep your voice steady to make it seem like it's natural, walk about looking for something to do. Make yourself useful. Make yourself useful. Spot the fire, unlit and half-assed, and set yourself to the mind-numbing task of fixing it up and lighting it if only to escape everything that just went down.

Don't think about everything you just did. Don't think about how you ruined everything, just focus on fixing something else instead.

Better to be useful than a menace, right?

Ah.

Intent on ignoring literally everything around him but himself, Zelos reaches the gathered wood for their fire tonight, kneeling down in front of it and examining it, humming still and keeping his face as cheerful and unbothered as he can. It's a show, it's a dance. It's falling apart, but--but that's fine. It's fine. He can pick up the pieces and try to keep it afloat. The Aegis' back is to the commotion, dead-set on ignoring the fallout of his meltdown if only to make it go away faster. Because maybe if he doesn't pay attention to it then it can't come catching up to him at all. The last thing he wants is for this to escalate and blow up in his face any further, so Zelos keeps the whirlwind of emotions trapped in his core, hands shaking, all that shame and rage and dread singing a cacophonous song of fate in his veins for him and him alone. He breathes it in, rearranges the wood. Breathe in, breathe out. Fix up the wood.

Fix it, fix it, fix it.

"Hey."

He blinks.

Sheena's voice is an unwelcome addition to the situation. His smile falls for a second at the sound, but Zelos at least manages to catch himself before he lets go of the emotional bleed in his surprise, before he truly reacts, and quickly so he plasters that smile on his face again like nothing's happened. Then Zelos twists to look at her over his shoulder, all smiles and friendliness, definitely a stark contrast against the last she's seen from him. He's not stupid, he knows that she's going to be suspicious, but. Still, he keeps up the charade, rising to his full height after she stupidly asks him how he's doing, if he wants to talk.

No, Sheena, he doesn't want to talk. He wants to put this behind as fast as possible, in fact. Wants to pretend it never happened. Wants to pretend he's not a fucking menace to the world.

But he can't say that, he knows. He can't lash out again.

So he laughs instead.

"Talk about what?" he plays dumb, tilting his head. He blinks innocent eyes at his driver, hands on his hips for a second before he grins, decidedly not giving her any time to react when he immediately speaks again, saying, "Hey, you wanna see something cool?" while removing his right hand from its spot on his hip, channeling ether into his palm and linking it to the ambient ether around the wood. Palm up, he raises his hand slowly, heating up the air around the wood until a flame flickers to life on it, growing, growing, growing. Once it's lit Zelos laughs again, snaps his fingers and lets go of the ether in his hands. The flames crackle with the snap of the connection, a strong and powerful release, before settling back down.

Look at his handiwork, he thinks. Look at what he can create, instead of what he can destroy. Sparing one look at the fire Zelos puffs out his chest, smirks, and gestures to it with his free hand.

"Ta-dah!" he goes.

Pride is easy to fake.

[summonerd]

Wow! She'd expected a reaction kind of like this, really, wouldn't have known what to do with Zelos being genuine about his feelings in the first place, but the way he just blows it off entirely gets her hackles up a little anyway, crossing her arms loosely. It's brief, though, easily brushed off; he's not being awful, and it's not like she can blame him for it.

But okay, yeah, a topic change is fine. At least it'll distract him a little. "I guess that is pretty neat," she allows, charitably. It's just lighting a fire, Zelos. Sheena's no mage, but it's hard to spend much time in the imperial lab - or travelling with Genis and Raine - without picking up a few things about magic. She's not really more than idly curious, but it's an excuse to keep the conversation going, and an excuse not to have to deal with the fact that she feels just a little uneasy about letting him out of her sight just after his outburst. "Actually, do blades not need to use incantations? The mages I've known back home do for most things, but I just realized I haven't seen anyone here do it." Is that why he'd thought her treating his weapon like a summon spirit had been so funny? Fuck. She takes a step towards the fire, glancing down into it.

[presidentheartbeat]

It's a little embarrassing and ridiculous how any sort of praise right now is absolutely and completely welcome, how Sheena agreeing to his simplistic trick with the fire being neat already pulls Zelos into an illusion of being actually wanted. He laughs at it, a little in awe at himself, and lowers his hand to his side. Looking at the fire is a better than looking at literally anything right now, so he sets his sights on the flame he created and parses Sheena's next question.

Keep the conversation flowing, Zelos, just use it as a safety rope to get yourself out of this hole. He's still holding his side of the resonance link, but the terror and despair slowly die down to make way for a full-on hit of shame and desperation instead, so he's not exactly ready to let it go just yet. He'll work on that, though. He will. So, sorry, Sheena, but you're going to have to wait.

Just don't call attention to it, please.

"Nah, not really. Blades are hyper-sensitive to ether, since we mostly function on and are made up of it. And ether is everywhere, so it kinda becomes second nature to manipulate it for us," Zelos starts to explain, one hand gesturing at the fire. "Imagine taking a scoop of water in your hands and throwing it at someone. You just do it, right? Barely any thought behind it." He shrugs. "That's kinda how it is."

The words simply leave his mouth, somewhat comforting in the way they come and go, the way he's allowed to sink into the topic change no questions asked. Explaining blade and ether basics to his own driver wasn't something he'd ever pictured himself doing, but for some reason, now that he's here, he finds that he doesn't mind it as much as he thought he could. It's a good excuse to not talk about anything else, at least. And Sheena's willing to learn, willing to listen, looking genuinely curious with every little question and interaction they have that dips anywhere into blade basics.

It kinda gives him some sense of purpose, in a way. That's kind of nice.

[summonerd]

The fact that Sheena can't feel anything obviously not stemming from her is strange, if he'd accepted the topic change with this little complaint, but maybe the emotional link comes and goes? It's not like she knows how this works. She should ask, probably, but-- later, maybe. This seems like it's a safe topic, and she's made enough mistakes in the last day or two for her liking. She stretches lightly, still watching the fire as she thinks about what he said.

"Huh," she says, contemplative. "That makes sense, I guess. If you're that closely linked to ether, you don't need the same kind of focus. The summon spirits in my world work the same way, but there are... a lot more blades than that." They can't all be as powerful, right? Not if Zelos is special. Maybe it's just that there's so much more ether than there was mana, back home, and more blades because of that.

TIME SKIP GO

[presidentheartbeat]

"Like I said, ether is everywhere. The whole of the world is made up of it, and blades regulate it as well, so it's not like it's a limited resource." Zelos hums, taps twice at his core crystal. Keeps his expression guarded and neutral as the sound of footsteps coming closer registers in his hears, continues staring into the fire. "A blade's ether output power depends exactly on their ether input ability. It's part of what separates regular blades from Aegises, too."

And that's all he's willing to say on the subject tonight, because as soon as the rest of their party members get close enough to the camp to start talking, for Zelos to hear their words, the Aegis shuts his mouth, constructs a mask of smiling friendliness and tries to pretend everything is fine. He smiles when he's looked at, laughs when he's addressed, sits somewhere he won't bother anyone else, and makes himself useful by keeping the fire alive. And slowly, as he pushes his shame to the back burner and allows it to snuff itself out on the leftover fires of his rage, he starts to let go of the emotional bleed, easily fabricating calm and boredom for his driver to feel.

No one mentions what just happened. Everyone chats low, gets ready for bed. Slowly but surely things simmer down to something close and similar to normality.

But overlooking an issue does not mean it's forgotten.

Of course it's not that easy. There's still a shaky, taut tension in the air that Zelos can feel permeate the scene, an unfortunate reminder of what just went down that everyone messily attempts to leave behind, stretched silences, discomfort. It feels bad. All the guilt in Zelos' gut evaporates and leaves him in a puff of shaky annoyance through his mouth, an emotion directed at everyone else, at the situation, and at himself.

Really, can't they just leave it all behind, he thinks. Can't they all learn to pretend like he can? All this unease is putting him on edge.

He deserves the unease, of course, but.

Still.

Zelos sighs.

Despite it all, the rest of the night is thankfully mostly uneventful and low-key. Stubborn as they may be humans still need to sleep, so it doesn't take too long before Anna and Sheena have already conked out, Malos following suit of his driver. With the majority of their group asleep Zelos allows the fire to die down a little, its crackling gentle in the overpowering silence of the night. Sighing, he lifts his gaze up to the skies, watching the stars as they move and dance across the darkness, seeking comfort in the only thing he couldn't possibly reach or break. He keeps his senses sharp, though, watching for any changes in ambient ether, highly on guard.

He said he would keep watch, after all. The least he can do after his fuckup is keep that promise and keep these people safe.

Except it's a little distracting when the third other human in this group is fidgeting and causing ripples in the ambient ether every now and then, still stubbornly awake, apparently.

It makes Zelos groan.

Tearing his eyes off the sky and looking down to where Lloyd has settled himself for tonight feels like he's being interrupted, so Zelos lets himself be annoyed, even if he's totally doing this out of his free will, glaring at the boy from a distance. Lit up by the low fire, the red of Lloyd's jacket is hard to miss against the darkness of the night, the moons' light bright in the skies along with their stars. His eyes are very, very obviously open. Zelos is pretty sure that humans need their eyes closed to sleep.

He cocks his head, hums. Watches. Everyone else has the right idea. Is he not going to sleep, or what?

[risingfalcon]

This world is vastly different from Lloyd's own, but the stars are the same, which is a welcomed surprise. It makes sense, honestly - this Aselia shares a lot of the same towns, cities, and general geography of his own, but... It's weird. Lloyd knows better than to think that maybe the stars he's staring at are anything more than a reflection of the stars on his Aselia, but. The comfort that the familiarity brings him, that leads him to think that maybe his Colette, his Genis, his Raine, they're all staring at the same stars, waiting for Sheena and him to return home - it's large enough to help him push down at the growing, stubborn sense of unease and anxiousness that settle themselves in his gut. Lloyd shouldn't be here, not with the ghosts that linger in his mind, not with him being so weak as to break so quickly and violently whenever faced with something he's not ready for.

Sleep escapes him, just as he knew it would, and honestly, he's not upset about it. Lloyd knows that had he been able to sleep, had his over-clocked mind taken the chance to rest, he would have had nightmare after nightmare. This entire day has been shrouded in episodic flashbacks and feelings he refuses to truly give the time of day, and he knows that with days like this, he's usually prone to waking up with a yell. The last thing Lloyd wants is to wake everyone up, to show them how broken he is, so he takes the involuntary reprieve not sleeping allows him and stares up at the sky, fighting off half-thoughts and memories with stories of heroes burned into the night.

He thinks of a lot. Thinks about his actions today, of the words he shared with Anna and Malos. Of losing his composure, of embarrassing Zelos and crossing several lines by accident. Thinks about how he ditched Sheena to deal with the fallout of his break-down and swears he'll be better about that. Lloyd fidgets, trying to stay quiet, though the rush of his mind makes it impossible for him to find a comfy position. So he stands, quiet as a mouse because Sheena is definitely sleeping quite nearby, and tip-toes away, careful to keep silent as he reaches for his swords, watching out for any tree branches he might snap.

There's a smaller clearing only about twenty feet from the campfire. Lloyd settles himself up against a boulder jutting out from the hillside and puts his arms behind his head, looking back up at the sky with a sigh. He wishes he had his carving tools here, something he could use to distract his hands. Lloyd's not in the mood for training, not when the memories that haunt him are of the fighting kind, and he just misses creating things for a change. Misses tinkering, misses making jewelry and small wooden gifts. Instead, he keeps silent, keeps focusing on the stars that twinkle, the moon that dimly lights the forest with peaceful white light. There's the constellation Efreet, with Celsius facing against it in a dueling dance. Sylph, to the right, a connect-the-dots picture of playful vitality. As the list grows, and Lloyd recognizes more and more, the world once again fades to his own. But it's blurry, fuzzy, the gentle touch of a man unknown to him guiding his chubby hand, pointing at the sky.

They say all heroes become stars, one day. Says the man, with a low timbre and a fond smile.

Lloyd blinks and the image fades, and for as much as he claws his mind for it again, for any possible continuation of that memory, of a time when Kratos was there and happy to be with him, it's gone. Letting out a defeated sigh, Lloyd pulls his arms out from behind his head, staring at the stone that's settled in his left hand, glinting bright blue against the moonlight. He doesn't know what to think about Kratos anymore, doesn't really know what to think about anything anymore. The past two days have challenged him in a way comparable by only a few others in his life, and he doesn't know if that's going to stop anytime soon. Gently, Lloyd places his right palm over the sphere, blinks, and looks back up at the sky.

He's overwhelmed. Confused, tired, and upset. But there's a beat of hope that keeps coming up from beneath the cracks. This could be a second chance to prove his worth to reflections of people who should have never met him.

A noise. Lloyd swings his head to the side, already reaching for his swords, but a bright orange glow coats the trees of the direction the noise came from, so Lloyd forces himself to look relaxed. His heart beats hard in his chest, tense and more than a little nervous, because why the hell is Zelos coming to talk to him, and how is Lloyd going to get through this without slipping up, without embarrassing himself further?

Lloyd takes a deep breath, counts to three. "Zelos?"

[presidentheartbeat]

Considering how fidgety and uncomfortable Lloyd looks while watching the sky, the moment that he gets up and walks away from their little camp, Zelos sighs, settles back down, and resolves to give him about five minutes before he follows after him. Damn it. Really, the main reason he doesn't immediately get up and stop him is at least he had the mind to take his swords with him, but Zelos can't help but be annoyed yet again at Lloyd's disregard for structure. Like, come on, kid, how the fuck is Zelos supposed to keep you all safe if you leave his sight like that?

Geez.

While he waits for the perfect time to get up and walk over, Zelos concentrates on the ambient ether instead. It's peaceful, calm. Zelos can still feel Lloyd's weird, less condensed ether signature even from far away, so he at least knows he's still around, even if he's still restless. It's weird. It feels weird, even if it makes sense, that he and Sheena share the same type of signal, though Lloyd's is explicitly a lot deeper than Sheena's. Plus, sometimes Sheena's signature feels like many different types of ether--or maybe it's that mana thing, Zelos thinks--are coursing through her veins, while Lloyd's feels like a single, powerful thing that's covering, or amplifying, something else.

Zelos sighs, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. Now that he's paying attention to their signatures, he's left with more questions than answers. He's so curious. These people are so weird.

But, anyway.

Five minutes have passed.

With a quick push, Zelos gets up from his seat and walks over to where Lloyd left to as quietly as he can, following the pull of his anxious little signal. He finds the clearing and feels more than sees Lloyd resting behind a boulder on the hillside, eyes fixed on a stone on his left hand. Huh. The sight is curious for many reasons; for one, Zelos knows Lloyd is not a blade, would be able to tell if he was, but there's so much at odds with his ether--mana--signature and the power emanating from that stone to completely rule out the possibility. But, also, the stone is not a diamond shape. Most blades have that, right?

Hmmm.

Zelos walks over. Maybe there's a blade-adjacent race of people in Lloyd and Sheena's world? Probably. Could be. It's not too crazy to think about. Zelos would love to ask, but then Lloyd catches sight of him as he approaches, startled, and the way he reaches for his swords forces Zelos to pull his hands up in a peace gesture, anxious, but keeping his face and posture playful while Lloyd composes himself.

"Heyo, bud," Zelos offers a laugh. Slowly, he lowers his hands, tilts his head. Smiles. "Can't sleep?"

[risingfalcon]

Lloyd blinks, eyes adjusting to the glow of Zelos' visible ether lines, and breathes out a quiet laugh. "Yeah," he answers, keeping his nerves tight in his grip, making sure to watch his words, to keep calm around Zelos and interact with him like a normal person, damn it. "Sleep and I have a complicated relationship in that it hates me."

That isn't a lie, and he says that in a completely joking tone - even before the angel transformation, Lloyd always had a hard time falling asleep. Back then, it was mostly because of excitement, rushing and roaring thoughts coming and going like high tide. Lloyd's pulled many all-nighters in his life, simply because sleep evaded him like nothing else in life. Even if he has trouble now with a combination of forceful angel abilities and persistent nightmares, it's not like it was ever really easy for him to fall asleep.

"Sorry," Lloyd says, as a second thought, shooting Zelos a sheepish grin. "I should have let you know I was going to walk away. Forgot you were on the first watch."

And then the words escape him, and Lloyd's left scrambling for his thoughts, anything he could use to keep some kind of conversation going before the awkward silence is felt by them both. Unfortunately, everything his mind gives him are collections of times long gone - inside jokes, taunts and teases, knowledge that his Zelos had granted him that don't apply to this Zelos, that he can not and never will forget. He can't toss an arm around this Zelos' shoulders and pretend that he's the same Zelos Lloyd once knew. This Zelos doesn't deserve that, doesn't deserve to have his own identity stripped away from him again, and Lloyd remembers the moments of his own Zelos' quiet vulnerability when Lloyd saw first hand what it could do to someone.

He will never do that to any Zelos, no matter how much this confusing and, frankly, entirely painful, experience leaks into the thin bandages on Lloyd's heart.

"U-um," Lloyd stutters, desperate to leave that train of thought behind and cut off the growing awkward silence. "Would you like me to come back? I could take watch if you wanna sleep."

[presidentheartbeat]

Zelos offers him another little laugh at his joke, approaching fully and standing by the boulder. He leans against it, arms crossed. Listens to Lloyd's apology, then shrugs, nonchalant even through his annoyance. "It's fine. You looked distracted anyway."

Truth be told, Zelos had felt guilty enough to consider keeping watch literally all night. He'd been counting on being the only one awake through the whole thing, letting everyone sleep and using the quiet to gather his thoughts and feelings, to strategize and analyze, but with Lloyd awake that plan completely evaporated into thin air. Having to babysit another human when he'd wanted to be alone is annoying, sure, but it's the fact that Lloyd had been so happy looking at his sword earlier and is now so obviously distressed that pulls at Zelos' guilt again. He did this, he knows he did, and so the visceral desire to fix everything he destroyed takes a hold of Zelos and silences him for a few minutes, looking up to the skies for some clue on what to do, some way to help, some way to repair his mistakes.

And then Lloyd speaks again, stuttering, and the easy, breathy laugh that comes out of Zelos' lungs is honestly just amused.

Something about the way Lloyd fidgets and worries tells him that he just isn't going to sleep, and since his earlier plans to just mope and grump on his own are busted, Zelos might as well make himself useful here instead. There's so many facets to this kid anyway, and he can't say that the way Lloyd jumps from emotion to emotion is not intriguing as hell, so. With a quick move Zelos pushes himself off the boulder and approaches fully, plopping himself down right next to Lloyd, leaning back with his arms behind his head.

Even if Lloyd jumps, if he's showing any signs of more distress, Zelos doesn't comment on it at all. He just smiles. Smile, smile, smile. Stay casual. Raise your eyes up to the skies, to the stars above. They always hold the answers to navigating anxiety.

Maybe this way he can fix some of what he broke.

"Nah. You're obviously not sleeping and neither am I, so you might as well keep me company instead, or something," he says, voice low enough not to bother the rest of their sleeping companions. He hums for show, sighs. Makes a sound of surprise like he just got an idea, adds, "Hey, question. Does your world have stars too or is that an exclusive feature to mine?"

[risingfalcon]

Lloyd chuckles a little at Zelos' question. It's not a dumb one, certainly, but the idea of a world without stars seems impossible to think of - truly, Lloyd would never want to be in a world like that. He follows Zelos' lead, looks back at the night sky, at its twinkling stars, shining back down on them comfortingly. This far out in the middle of nowhere, the starfield sprawls out like a blanket over them, safe and familiar.

"Our world has stars, yeah," he answers, enthralled by the warm feeling that comes with watching the night sky with someone he's weirdly acquainted-yet-not-acquainted with. And that feeling is what carries him into a sort of peace - this, this is safe, he thinks, sneaking a quick glance at this Zelos. He can handle this. Lloyd shifts his gaze back to the sky.

"Actually, we have the same stars and constellations. There's Gnome, over there," he says, and Lloyd points a little to the right of where Zelos' gaze probably is. "I saw Efreet, Celsius, and Sylph, too." Lloyd pauses, unconsciously pouting a little bit. "I was looking for Luna earlier, but I think that one might not be visible until summer. I dunno, maybe it's different on this world."

Realizing he's rambling a little bit, he bites at his lip, willing himself to calm down. He's - well, he's still anxious to prove himself trustworthy to this Zelos, but he also just wants to show him that what happened in the morning was an outlier, that Lloyd can and will be better than that. Even if Lloyd knows deep within his heart that getting close to this Zelos will do more harm than good, that keeping distance between himself and the people he's met on this reflection of his world is the best course of action so he can get out of here relatively unscathed, growing attachment already roots itself in his heart like thorned vines. He wants to impress them all, show them that he's a good kid, that he means well.

But he shouldn't, so he keeps quiet about his end. Besides, who's to say that he'd have a good effect on this Zelos, anyways? Look at how much good he did for his own.

Lloyd shakes his head, continues on with the star-thoughts. He's familiar with the way his brain works, how one subject matter will split into twenty subtopics, and five from there, three from that - it's hyperactive, and in moments like these, it could be enough to distract him dangerously. Count to ten, Lloyd. Count to ten.

Crickets chirp, owls hoot, and the campfire's crackles and pops can be heard from here. The sounds of nature, the beaming smiles of light being shined down from the stars, the closeness of Zelos, they all help to ground him, remind him where he is. So Lloyd paints on his own grin, nudges Zelos lightly in the shoulder. "I wonder if my world's stories about stars are the same over here."

[presidentheartbeat]

Hearing Lloyd take the lead of the conversation and ramble actually is a pretty good way of preparing himself for the actual conversation to take place, Zelos finds, so he doesn't really mind it at all when he starts rambling. He does frown, however, when Lloyd starts naming constellations that quite honestly make no goddamn sense to Zelos at all. Gnome? Efreet? What?? And what the fuck is a Celsius, isn't that a unit of measurement or something?

Hello????

It's a little amusing, though. Disarming, too, catching him by such surprise that before he even thinks about it Zelos finds himself laughing softly and genuinely at the ridiculousness of it all. What the hell, honestly. And Lloyd sounds so convinced on what he sees, but where he points out Sylph, Zelos sees the Leftherian Titans. Where he says he sees Gnome, there's Uraya. Clearly they have a case of miscommunication here, huh?

Maybe their worlds differ more than they expected. It's so much to take in and unpack, but it makes sense, Zelos thinks. Just because the stars are apparently the same it doesn't mean the cultures that come up with the constellations are equal at all.

That's... actually kind of funny.

Lloyd nudges his shoulder, and with the perfect opening presented right in front of him, Zelos takes his chance to snort again, shrugging himself off the boulder to sit upright. "Ha! Well, seeing how I didn't even recognize half of what you just said, I think you're onto something here," he offers. Grinning in enjoyment and raising a hand to point up at a particularly bright cluster of three stars, Zelos traces a familiar figure he's memorized from old astronomy books, shining strongly even after fifty years.

"That's the Zohar cluster," he laughs. He moves his hand to the left, continues speaking. "And that's Uraya, then Argentum a little underneath. Then Meyneth and Zanza over there, always next to each other and locked in battle." Zelos pauses, lowers his hand. Breathes out a puff of air and leans back on his palms, eyes fixed on the stars, laughing and teasing without any real bite to it. "Architect, what the hell's up with your skies? I can't imagine it any differently than this!"

[risingfalcon]

Lloyd scoffs in faux-offense, slapping his right hand over his heart and gaping at Zelos, but his giggle betrays his amusement. "What's wrong with our skies!? Nothing! Your skies are the ones that are weird! What the hell is a Uraya?"

He drops the act, allowing himself to laugh freely. Sticking his left hand behind his head so he can lean back against the rock comfortably, he lets his grin soften into a smile, staring back up at the stars. "That cluster you pointed at - the Zohar cluster?" Lloyd pauses, glancing at Zelos for confirmation before continuing, "in my world, it's known as the Origin Cluster. The legend behind that is my favorite. Basically, this spirit with ultimate power, Origin, created the world with the help of other summon spirits that he shared his power with. My world was born from that cluster using starlight."

It's weird how just two years ago, that legend had just been that: a legend. Meeting and forming a pact with Origin was - still is - such a foreign concept to Lloyd. Holding the Eternal Sword in his hand had made Lloyd terrified: no person should ever hold as much power as he did at that moment. And he remembers how in his moment of weakness, the whisper of Zelos' name brushed against his ear, how he thought - just for a second - that he might have the power to turn back time, to right his wrongs.

But humanity was counting on him, so he was able to shake his head and continue on, the shame of his weakness shackling itself around his heart. Lloyd had understood Mithos' plight from the moment he knew the details, but at that moment, he empathized. Lloyd is not his uncle, would not have been able to make everyone suffer for his own desire to see Zelos alive again, but... With that power came a horrifying sense of selfishness.

Lloyd never wants to feel that again.

Forcibly pulling himself out of his thoughts, he continues on with the story. "Origin created the world, moved it to a place in the universe where it would thrive, but we would still be able to see his light. From there, every spirit offered a gift to Origin's new world - Undine gave us water, Gnome gave us the earth, Efreet, fire, Aska, light, and so on and so forth. Finally, they combined their powers with Origin and helped him create humanity, slipping into a deep rest after the creation of our Aselia."

There's a beat of silence, Lloyd trying to figure out where to take the conversation next, before he just decides to bite the bullet and ask, "do you guys not have anything like summon spirits over here?"

HE GOT HEAVY ON MAIN AGAIN

[presidentheartbeat]

While Lloyd's retelling the story of his world's origins--no pun intended, he laughs softly. Or maybe yes, who knows--Zelos keeps his gaze trained up on the stars and the stars only, eyes fixed on the Zohar cluster as he learns of its mirror in Lloyd's parallel, backwards version of Aselia. It almost beckons him with its glow, titillating above as Lloyd speaks of spirits and gifts. Huh. Somewhere in the distance he hears the fire's crackle weakening, and with a quick flick of his wrist Zelos reignites the flame to keep the others warm, mind absent from the motion as he thinks.

Zelos thinks of another Aselia, the one where Lloyd and Sheena call home, and the many gods it houses within its atmosphere. Tries to picture its geography, its heavens, its systems. He wonders where their versions of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla are, or even if they exist at all. If they're at war or at peace, or if they're, Architect forbid, maybe allies, ridiculous as it may sound. If humans are any different there from here. Wonders if there's a connection between mana and ether, wonders about the stone on Lloyd's hand. Thinks, quietly, about this parallel reflection of his own world, and wonders if there's a Lloyd and Sheena in this side of the mirror as well.

Thinks of a memory he shouldn't have. Of blood on a green glass floor. Of his own laughter ringing out of the mouth of another man. And with laughter echoing in his ears, slowly, without even noticing it, Zelos tenses.

There's... clearly a lot more differences between both Aselias than just the cultures in charge of fabricating myths and legends about the stars, huh.

Ha ha.

"Nah, no summon spirits or anything fancy on this side," Zelos laughs again, a darkened sound as he allows himself to fall back on the boulder, resting against it. He sets his arms lazily over his stomach, feeling much more relaxed than he probably has any right to, and keeps his expression blank even as he shrugs. "Just a lousy god called The Architect whom no one but the original Aegises have even seen in the many years of Aselia's existence," he then adds.

He breathes. Once, twice. The purple-teal-green glow of the Zohar cluster above is already burning itself into Zelos' violet eyes despite his attempts to tear them off cluster, so mesmerized as he is about them and Lloyd's tale. Because, duality sure is a funny thing, isn't it? Zohar cluster in one world, Origin cluster in another. A gathering of godlike light with a deep meaning tied to the creation of Aselia in one world, a simple belt of stars shining down on Aselia in another. Meaningful there, meaningless here.

Dies, died, will die.

Lives, lived, will live.

Zelos thinks he kind of understands, now.

A smile spreads on his face, something amused and accompanied by a little chuckle. Finally, with great effort, violet eyes leave the cluster and turn to look at Lloyd instead, making direct eye contact. Even in the darkness, red on green fills his vision. It makes Zelos grin. "Funny, ain't it?" he asks, light, jokey. "If our stars have completely different stories attached, I think I'm kind of afraid to find out just what else is different, now!"