summonerd | i just wanna know: who broke it?

It turned out that sparring with Sheena was exactly what Lloyd had needed to compose himself again. They kept it friendly, a melee spar with the intention of leaving no lasting bruises but working to get the stressed energy out of their bodies, to lessen the tension in their shoulders. It worked perfectly, left Lloyd feeling the determined adrenaline pumping through his veins, and it's with a large grin that he high fives Sheena, suddenly very glad he thought to wrap his injured knuckles before sparring.

Lloyd takes a look at his hands, at the way they shake after the strain they just took on, at the red that bleeds through his bandages, and thinks, with a frown, that it may be time to replace them. He wouldn't be surprised if the his previously-closed wounds on his knuckles might have reopened while fighting Sheena, but. Still, that was kinda sloppy on his part.

So he stands from by the campfire and looks for Malos, who Lloyd knows is carrying the medical supplies, but he can't spot him. He can't spot Anna either, which is weird, but he takes it in stride, wondering a little further from the campsite, a little deeper into the neck of the forest.

And then he hears voices. Malos and Anna's voices, to be precise. Things seem to be a little more on the argument side, so he's stepping away from behind a tree, deciding it might be best to let them talk out whatever's going on and ask for the bandages later. He'll just wait for them to return to the campsite.

And then Lloyd hears his name and his movement stalls. He stops breathing, enhancing his hearing on instinct, because why are they talking about him?

Malos's voice rises above the din of a forested night. 'You mean you're OKAY with the fact that he's never going to know who we are?!’

Oh. Oh no, oh no no no.

The composure Sheena beat into him falls away like a landslide, shallow and fragile like glass, and his eyes widen as he realizes that they're not talking about him, they're talking about their Lloyd, the one who they haven't.

The one who they haven't seen in five years.

Five fucking years.

Is it a universal constant that Lloyd's parents are never around? That they either die or disappear or just refuse to stick around for him? Because hearing it once sucked, experiencing it twice was worse, but seeing the mom he never got to have hesitate when confronted with the consequences of her abandonment.

It's agonizing. His heart aches so painfully, pins and needles of they never loved you, you were always a disappointment, a burden burning into his soul like the brands Dirk soldered into his creations, like the scorching, furious heat that was left behind by a lightning strike that hit just a little too close to him in the Temple of Lightning.

And then Anna's excusing herself again, and even though Lloyd understands where she's coming from, logically, all he can hear - all he can see -

Goodbye, dad.

I let him go. Is that alright, mom?

He's heard enough.

Tears burning in his eyes, bile rushing to his throat, he quietly sneaks out from behind the trees once more, starts walking towards the campsite. He's heard enough, he's heard enough, he's heard enough.

The confirmation that his fears were well-founded, that he was the reason why Kratos left, and had his mother lived, she probably would have left him too - they feel worse than the broken ribs Kratos’ knee to the abdomen had left him with.

Lloyd is drowning in the weight of his own mind, of the self-contempt he feels draw deep from within his consciousness. He's here for Sheena, to free this Colette, to save this Zelos, and then he'll find his way back home and live his life out alone. He's holding them back, everyone he loves.

You're a burden the shadows of his mind whisper, look at you, can't even handle the truth without breaking.

Lloyd stops in his tracks, leaning his back against a random tree, and swallows a sob. He's being a child. He's throwing a tantrum. He's going to embarrass himself and Sheena and everyone around him. It's no wonder his own parents didn't want him.

His own parents never wanted him. It tastes like poison slipping down his throat, but he takes in the taste anyways because it's easier to digest than the root of the matter, which points to Lloyd Irving being a disgrace.

See, the thing about Lloyd is he's a pretty rough ether signature to miss. So Anna doesn't know what she's done when she says those damning fucking words but Malos can take a guess.

Maybe he could try and smooth this out. You don't really mean that, he could say, to offer her a way out. You know you miss him, he could argue, because maybe if she admits that she'll realize she's full of shit.

Or he could just let her face the consequences of her actions.

"Alright," Malos says, and this is mean, but leaving Lloyd alone after hearing all that would be meaner. "Why don't you say that one more time to Lloyd's face. I'm sure he'd just love to it."

Watching all the blood drain from Anna's face should not be as satisfying as it is, but it's pretty damn satisfying.

"Oh no," she whispers, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Oh fuck. Where is he."

Lloyd’s body shakes with the way that he tries to stop himself from breaking down, violent tremors making his way down his spine as he bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. His eyes are clenched shut, his hands over his face, fingers placing tight pressure on his temples, trying so hard to stop being a baby.

He gasps for air, his chest burning with a lack of breath, his heart beating with the suggestion of giving out. The words race through his mind, burning their way on his think track and making him hear them over, and over, and over again. They never wanted him. They never wanted him. They never wanted him.

A sob escapes his lips. He claps his hand back to his mouth, tries to soften the sound of it, but it seems so fucking loud in this quiet forest. With one sob, the dam breaks, and tears leak out of his eyes and down his face, a desperate breath being taken in an attempt to get himself back together, but it doesn’t work. Kratos’ voice haunts him, the way he had gently instructed Lloyd to count to ten seems wrong, now. It seems vicious, taunting, a subtle way to say let me help you, because you can’t help yourself.

Has he read into every interaction wrong? Maybe this is on him. Maybe Kratos was never interested in staying with him, never thought he was a son worth sticking around for. He was detached enough, but Lloyd had thought - he had thought that, maybe -

Doesn’t matter. Anna didn’t want him either, apparently. Neither of his parents ever wanted him. A slightly deranged laugh leaves his mouth, followed by more sobs, by a painful hiccup that uproots the sickness lingering in his bottom stomach. Acid rises to his throat once again, and he stumbles a few feet over, emptying out his stomach.

So this is what he is. Pathetic, really, breaking down by himself in a forest clearing, crying like a fucking child, unable to deal with the truth that he doesn’t really offer any reason to be cared for. He’s Lloyd Irving, the wielder of the Eternal Sword -

he gave it up-

He helped save Sylvarant and Tethe’alla -

the temporary deaths of his friends and family linger in his mind, haunting him, haunting him, the way his sword came up through his uncle’s torso -

He -

He -

What’s the point?

Lloyd scrambles back, falls to his knees, tugging at the grass beneath him, desperate to have some control as he breaks, so fucking disgusted with being in his own body that the violent anger from this morning is back, running itself through his veins and into his head, a pulsing cycle of leave before you fuck this up. It’s no wonder why his parents never wanted him, look at how much fucking good he’s done!

A branch snaps not that far from where he is. Lloyd can barely bring himself to attention, but he stands, swaying. He doesn’t have his swords on him, had left those back at the campsite, and he doubts he’d be able to fight like this anyways, not with the way the landscape blurs, not with the way he can’t think straight. Maybe he should just embrace the angel powers, but if he dies, he’d rather die a pathetic shell of his former self than one who had lost its humanity.

And then Anna steps out of the shadows, and Lloyd thinks that he’d rather be dead.

Anna hesitates before she moves, trying to wrestle with the crystalizing guilt and dread in her stomach. She can't. Think. "What- how much do you think he...?" she begins, looking to Malos for a rescue.

Malos' answer is sharp, just-short of angry. "Enough," he says, and he doesn't need to say any more to convey the rest of what he means. Architect above, she really did basically just essentially say to Lloyd's face she didn't even want him around, huh? Great! (ABSOLUTELY NOT GREAT EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE)

"Fuck," Anna says, and, "Okay!" Anna says and she. Moves. She's not sure how she's going to fix it but she's got to do. Something. It's not like-- It's not like...!

(Yeah it kind of is, though, isn't it? Losing track of him-- being unable to see him because of circumstances you can't control-- dying before your time-- Those suck but they're so much different than actively making the choice to leave your son behind.

She's a fucking idiot.)

It's not hard to find Lloyd, but Anna isn't honestly sure if she prefers that. He's-- The sight makes her vision swim, makes her feel sick to her stomach. He's so full of pain and anger and despair and-- What has she done. What has she done!?

(Would her Lloyd... would he hate her for this, too?

Is his safety really worth that price?)

"I- fuck," Anna says, not sure what else to say. She presses her hand to her eyes for a second as she tries to get a hold of-- anything. Her eyes are hot and there's a pressure in her chest. Where does she start? Where does she fucking START?

She is just a goddamn coward, isn't she.

"Lloyd..." she begins, starting to reach out to him, then thinking better of it. He looks like he doesn't want anything to do with her. "I'm..."

Her legs are weak. She gives up and just plops herself on the ground, buries her face in her hands.

"Malos is right," she says, with a bitter laugh. "I'm full of shit. And a goddamn idiot." It's-- hard to peg down exactly what to say, but, fuck, these are words she was going to have to say to her Lloyd eventually. Better figure them out now. (And he deserves that from her, doesn't he?) "I'm. Anything I'm gonna say at this point is just gonna sound selfish as hell, huh?" She laughs again. Bitter bitter bitterness is thick on her tongue.

"I guess I'm just scared," she whispers. "Scared of something happening to him. Scared of messing it up. ...But that's not an excuse."

Even with all of the negative emotions that take control of Lloyd's mind, that lead him down a slide into the freezing waters of dread and leave him with a desperate need to keep distance, a part of Lloyd wants to pull Anna into a hug and comfort her, the same kind of hug they had only last night, when she first met him.

(Rather, when he first met her. She knows her own Lloyd, but Lloyd only has fleeting touches to remember his own Anna with.)

But what kind of comfort could Lloyd really offer? He's wrestling with his own thoughts, the same thoughts that keep his words trapped in his throat, that snicker and prod at him, at his weak walls and the threadbare armor he's strapped around his heart. He hates this situation, hates the fact that he was caught, hates himself for being so fucking terrible at putting up masks and saving others the trouble of dealing with his own shattered self.

It's not Anna's fault her son is a burden. It's not her fault.

But.

Past the accepting sadness, past the grief and the pain, anger rushes back into his blood, eating at the shadows that linger in his mind, and Lloyd reaches out to it, the fury familiar and reliable. He doesn't lash out - would not be able to lash out at his mother, just like he was truly never able to lash out at his father, never let him know exactly what he thought, because. Lloyd understands. It's easier to not face the failure he is rather than live with him.

But the anger is what allows Lloyd to stand straight, what allows him to swallow back the bitter taste in his mouth and keep his face mostly blank. Because he understands why his parents never wanted him, but it's fucking cruel that he has to keep facing them, that he has to meet them and re-meet them and watch them leave again and again. If he's not going to be given parents that love him, is the constant taunting necessary?

Anna speaks, and Lloyd feels guilt leak into his anger, slowly turning it from anger at the situations he lands in into anger at himself. Really, he shouldn't be this affected, knew from the start this isn't his mother, that - well, even if she was, who's to say she would have wanted to stick around? And she's got points, reasons to not stick with her son. He'd slow her down, he'd keep her in an unsafe position.

But, by Goddesses does it hurt.

He averts his eyes. Licks at his lips, ignoring the way the dried blood on his lip tastes metallic on his tongue, and opens his mouth.

"No, it's fine. I get it. I don't blame you, either," and he laughs, bitter and low. The stars shine bright tonight. "I've known for a while that I held you guys back.

Anna's head snaps up in confusion.

"Held us b-- Lloyd that's not even close to anything I just--"

Confusion sharpens into white hot anger as the implications if what he just said, of what got him into a position to believe such a thing really, really hit her.

"Who. the FUCK. told you you were a burden."

"Nobody did," Lloyd says, and it's the truth. Nobody has ever called him a burden to his face. But the dots that link Lloyd and his Kratos, this world's version of Lloyd to his Anna, they connect, painting a pattern of willingness to leave him. "I'm just not fucking blind, Anna."

Okay, maybe his tone is a little harsh. He crosses his arms, exhales deep, and shuts his eyes. They burn, still, the tears fresh in his eyes, but he wills them away best he can. He can take it. He's taken worse.

"It's fine, I get it. Honestly, I understand," he continues, and his chest aches with the frustration that underlies his voice, but he pushes the words out anyways. "You don't have to explain yourself. Once we free Colette and Zelos and get them to Mithos' tower, Sheena and I will leave and you can forget about all of this."

"I'm just not fucking blind, Anna."

It's like a punch to her gut. He sounds so fucking sad and so fucking certain and Anna-- Anna hates that this is where they are, right now, hates grappling with the guilt and despair in her stomach becuase that isn't fair, Lloyd, that isn't fair, of course she wants you here--

(But you never said that to him, did you, Anna?)

"That's not- what I--" She tries to stammer, because it's not as easy as just forgetting he ever showed up in her life, she's only known him like a day but he's her son and--

Anger boils over. She curls her hand into a fist and slams it against her thigh, hard, because she needs some kind of outlet. She growls short and sharp. (There's a flare of alarm from Malos but he can fucking deal.) The stinging pain grounds her, a little, and--

Pieces slot together, in her head. She knows this Lloyd's mother is dead. Which means there's only one parent left.

"Was it Kratos?" she whispers, with more fury than she honestly expected to muster because hating Kratos is a foreign thing on her tongue. She looks up to meet Lloyd's eyes, cutting him off before he has the chance to deflect. "I'm not fucking stupid, Lloyd. What did Kratos do?"

Edited 2019-04-05 01:58 (UTC)

Lloyd flinches at the direct way Anna demands answers, tilting his head away instinctively. The drop of his father's name does nothing to soften the blow, only working as a way exacerbate his pulse. How does he even begin to explain to Anna Kratos' actions without going into everything else that had happened to them, that Lloyd had gone through, that Kratos had indirectly and directly contributed to -

He can't. For as much as Lloyd wants to yell, wants to cry that he tried to be a good son for the time he had known Kratos was his father, that maybe he wanted him to stay, his thoughts won't let him. Lloyd let Kratos go because Kratos found no reason worth sticking around, and Lloyd can't begrudge him that.

So he sticks with the truth, covers it in vagueness and unclarity, and gives Anna what she needs to know, nothing else.

"He left," he starts, and he hates the way his voice cracks but he clears his throat, bites at his lip, and continues. "I hadn't - I was raised by a dwarf named Dirk, had no idea Kratos was alive, and... I met him when I was seventeen, we journeyed together, but I had no idea he was my father. Didn't know until a few weeks before he. Before he left, again."

It's an empty sort of pain that settles itself in Lloyd's gut. He hasn't had to explain Kratos' absence since Kratos left, because everyone around him knew, just. Knew. And talking about it out loud fucking sucks, the tears he had held back returning with a vengeance. Lloyd lets out a wet scoff, glancing back at Anna with a grim smile.

"You're not the first parent that's left me."

"Mother fucking, that son of a--" she begins, confusion and anger roiling in her because that doesn't make any sense, why would Kratos, how could Kratos--

It doesn't matter.

She did the same, didn't she?

"Look," she says. "It's not like I--" Stop that, stop that, it changes nothing. She sighs. Bitterness and guilt are like a swirling storm in her chest but she needs to stop fucking getting defensive. She fucked up, too. "I guess. I guess actively choosing to not search for him after we got separated counts the sames as leaving, huh," she whispers. (Except her Lloyd's not-- wasn't really-- old enough to realize it was happening. But that's... probably worse.)

"I get it. I fucked up." Anna clenches her hands into fists, presses them against her knees. She looks up at Lloyd, tears falling freely, lips trembling. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'll- I'll try and fix it. I will. I can't-- I can't do anything, not now, not until Zelos and Colette are safe, but... When this is over. I'll try and find him."

It's all she can really offer.

Well... that and maybe one more thing.

"Please, please know I didn't do it because I didn't want you around. I just thought it would be safer. Which-- probably was a bad call. Doesn't matter if he was safer, what matters is he should be with me. I realize that now. I'm sorry."

Edited 2019-04-05 03:28 (UTC)

Lloyd sighs, wiping away at the tears that trail down his cheeks, and shuts his eyes tight. Breathe in, breathe out. This world's Lloyd will get the family he always wanted, Dirk, his adoptive father, the one who taught him almost everything he knows, Anna, Malos - he's. He's gonna be happy.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Lloyd takes a few steps towards Anna, the moonlight reflecting dimly on her face. She's crying, he knew she was crying from the sound of her voice, from her shaky tone, but. Guilt rushes into his mind anyway, because he was the one who made her cry, who makes their mother cry? Dark satisfaction lingers in his heart, though, satisfied over an apology he never knew he wanted, one he doesn't deserve, and Lloyd hates it, hates how he chokes on the bitter taste.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He reaches out a hand to her. Ignores the fact that a part of him wants so badly to believe her, that Lloyd is worth sticking around for, ignores the whispers of goodbye, dad that so haunt him. Ignores the awareness that Anna had reasons for leaving this Lloyd behind, but Kratos could have easily stayed without risk if he had only wanted to.

Breathe in, breathe out.

"Iselia," Lloyd says, voice just slightly above a whisper. "If your Lloyd is reflected in this world like I think he is, he's in Iselia." And then he pauses, averting his eyes to the ground, gaining the last of his courage before he knows he'll shut down. And then he looks back at Anna, keeping eye contact.

"Please, keep your promise and find him. You gotta - you gotta go home, mom."

Breathe in, breathe out.

Anna takes the hand he's offered to her and uses it to pull herself to her feet, then to pull him into a hug. She squeezes him tight-- too tight, maybe-- but she needs this. She thinks he needs this. So she holds him.

"I will," she promises, again. Iselia, huh? It's nice to have a name, a place to start, and it'll make going and getting him... so much easier. The only thing stopping her is the fact they're in the middle of getting Zelos out of Tethe'allan territory. "I will, as soon as I can, I will."

But for now, she holds her son, she holds him, she holds him.

She cannot fix everything broken in him, because she is only a reflection of his mother, but she can hold him, and she can--

"Architect, what the fuck," she hisses, pulling a little away from Lloyd, though she holds him by the shoulders. "Why would Kratos do that? That's--" It's not the Kratos she knows, not even close. But.

She guesses Lloyd's Kratos probably isn't a blade. Which... would make him a regular human, then? He probably hasn't lived close to 500 years. Maybe... Maybe age mellowed her Kratos. She was certainly capable of making some idiotic decisions like don't hunt your son down even though he needs you at the tender age of two minutes ago, so like.

"That's fucked up," she says, wisely.

The hurt that stings at Lloyd's heart whenever he thinks about Kratos is intense and painful, but his need to defend his father sticks itself into the wounds left behind by Kratos’ leaving and temporarily distracts Lloyd from the pain. He's opening his mouth in an attempt to defend Kratos before he knows it, but the issue of how to defend him while keeping the details of Lloyd's journey vague are hard to bypass. Talk too much and Anna will know how badly his mental state is broken, talk too little and Kratos just sounds like a complete jackass.

“He's…. Lived a hard life,” Lloyd sticks with, moving a hand to grip hard at his right forearm, keeping his eyes on the ground. “There was a lot he never got to -”

He pauses, the taste of regret thick on his tongue. “If he stayed behind, he wouldn't have ever made peace with himself, I think. Maybe it's best he left me behind. He could move on from his past.”

Hoo boy, there goes that pain again. Lloyd's defense seems weak and he wants to apologize to his father because - because -

It's not Kratos’ fault it spiraled out of his control like that. He probably wasn't ever going to tell Lloyd he was his father, didn't think Yuan would personally break that news. Kratos' was going for a clean break, not a torn ligament, and Lloyd's feelings just got tossed into the mix and ruined Kratos’ plans.

Really, Lloyd shouldn't be so upset. He's got a dad in Dirk, knows why Kratos would see his son and see disappointment, only got to know Kratos for a few months, really.

He shouldn't be so upset.

Lloyd sighs, lets a shaky smile adorn his face. “I understand why he left. It's fine.”

Lloyd speaks, and he seems so certain, so-- putting up a brave front, as if he wasn't bleedingly angry and disappointed at Anna just minutes ago. Anna squeezes her son's shoulders a little tighter, confusion and anger playing on loop in her mind. Something about the way Lloyd's acting is making something sick resound in her gut, but she can't quite put her finger on what's upset her so much.

(She doesn't even know anything about his Kratos, other than the fact he left, apparently. But trying to comprehend Kratos leaving is like trying to comprehend a foreign language.)

"It- it doesn't have to be fine," Anna says, before she's really thinking about it. "It's okay if you're mad at him. Honestly I'm half tempted to see if I can hop universes real fast when we send you home so I can kick his ass. Who the hell just leaves--"

Stop. Reasses.

"Okay, maybe I'm not one to talk," Anna admits. "But-- My Kratos had a pretty hard life, too. Moving on-- there's no better way to do that than to build a family and live, not run away, so--"

She hates not understanding this. She hates not knowing the full of Lloyd's Kratos, of any Kratos, not being able to understand his reasoning. She's so used to knowing him that not having even an inkling of what's going on in his head is frustrating her more than anything else, the anger on her son's behalf sickening because it's so foreign, directed at Kratos.

She knows so little. Lloyd probably hasn't told her everything. And maybe it's none of her business.

"Ugh. I don't know."

She's not sure if anything she's saying is helping. Maybe she should close her mouth before she makes it worse. Lloyd's definitely sending signals that he doesn't want to talk about it, and-- nothing, nothing she says right now can fix the problem tonight. Especially when she doesn't even really know what the problem is.

But, just one more thing.

"Look, if he left you-- he's an idiot, just like I am. And he's missing out."

Anna squeezes her son's shoulders one last time, and then she lets go. Lloyd looks like he's done for tonight, so, she'll let him be done. Things take time. She knows that.

Lloyd is grateful that Anna seems willing to drop the subject, not really emotionally steady enough to deal with the complicated relationship he has with his father, not in front of her, not without making it obvious that there is more going on to this than she realizes. Honestly, Lloyd wishes he could understand his father, wishes he could understand Kratos past the grief that clouds your faith in the future, shared between father and son from completely different, yet sickeningly similar scenarios.

But her words break through his walls, just a little, and he’s able to shoot her a weak, but genuine smile. Maybe Lloyd will never have the love of his own birth mother and father, but this Anna seems cool. And knowing that another Lloyd will get to enjoy the attention of his mom, that Dirk is probably filling in the blanks that Kratos will leave behind - that helps him swallow down the sadness that lingers on his heart like a leech. Lloyd’s still hurt, he’s still - he knows why Kratos wouldn’t want him - (Lloyd killed his brother) - But. At least he’ll get this, even if Lloyd knows he’ll have to give this up, too, this ground he and Anna stand on.

“Thanks... mom. I’m glad I got to meet you.”

The dried teartracks on his face feel itchy, so he wipes at his face with his sleeve. He tilts his head in the direction of the campsite, with an expectant glance, antsy to get back to Sheena, ready to continue ignoring the shit he’s packed away and refuses to talk about. “Ready to get back to camp?”

"I'm glad, too," Anna says. That he gets this. That he... made her see some sense. But she can hold that truth close to her heart, too embarrassed to say it aloud.

She nods towards camp as well. "Let's go."

The spar helped to recenter her, quieting the worst of her thoughts, but she's still a little restless. Sheena does a few cooldown stretches while she waits for Lloyd to come back, but there's no sign of him.

Well - Anna and Malos are out there, too, and there's no signs of commotion. It's fine, most likely. It's only been a few minutes. And there's something she'd been meaning to ask, too. So she finishes her stretches and wanders over towards Zelos where he'd settled off to the side of things.

"Hey," she says, a little awkward again now that the worry of being found is fading with their view of Meltokio and there's nothing else to distract her from the fact that haha yeah here's someone new with the face of her dead best friend but none of his memories. "You holding up alright?" If he's barely been out of the castle before, it's not like he's ever been camping. She half-expects some theatrical whining from him about how hard roughing it is, honestly.

Watching the stars is something Zelos had grown used to doing even before Sheena broke him out of the castle, but watching the stars outside is an entirely different experience altogether that he quickly finds a quiet joy from getting lost in. Sitting on a log and watching the little white dots twinkle above, the galaxies painted across black splotches of night, the moons dancing and gliding over the stage set--it's nothing like what Zelos has experienced while inside his cages in Meltokio.

After a while, he finds himself chuckling. How can humans have these sights and still focus their efforts in fighting each other, a part of him wonders. How could they have inherited this world only to seek to destroy it? Zelos sighs and lazily leans back on his palms. Wonders if he'll ever get to understand what it is that drives humanity's whims, what it is that makes them such stupid, terrifying, irrational little creatures, then abruptly decides that it simply just doesn't matter. So he hums, sighs. Cranes his neck just enough to take in another constellation he vaguely remembers reading something about three lifetimes ago, some information stored into his core in some childish attempt to safeguard the little things for himself, now put to use as he tries to pinpoint more and more.

The sight is breathtaking. It's just about enough to completely steal his attention away from his companions as they spar and talk, or his ever-whirling thoughts. To blanket him in a momentary peace as he soaks in a taste of something he thinks is perhaps similar to conditional freedom.

And so engrossed he is in the spectacle that he doesn't really notice everyone has left until Sheena's standing close by, snatching his attention right back by asking him if he's doing alright.

Oh, right. Hm. Zelos blinks at her at first, then averts his eyes and pouts as if in deep thought, one hand flying under his chin as he hums out loud. He tap-tap-taps his index finger against his cheek. "Well," he finally says, "aside from my back being completely and thoroughly fucked up forever from sleeping on the cold hard ground so much, I'd dare say the property damage is down to a minimum otherwise. So." Zelos lowers his hand and leans back again, gives Sheena a grin. "Could be worse!"

Edited 2019-04-05 23:38 (UTC)

Wow, she hates that. It's enough to derail her train of thought, propping one hand on her hip as her eyes flash with annoyance. Literally flash, actually, as they reflect the faint glow of Zelos's ether. "Don't call it that," she says, hating it a little more every time he refers to himself as less than human.

"It won't be for that long, anyway. You get used to it." He can handle a week or so. Travel pains aren't the same as injuries, but if he'd healed that wound from yesterday, he can manage a sore back. But she sighs, crouches down close-but-not-too-close to him so that they're at the same eye level. "...It's good to be out of the city, though, right?"

Sheena's literal and emotional flashes of annoyance come as a surprise to Zelos, and as they come and go he's left blinking in confusion at his driver. He doesn't really get it, honestly. Don't call what what? A part of him is tempted to ask, but then Sheena distracts him by crouching next to him, close-but-not-really, giving them both enough space for it to not be uncomfortable. At least she's merciful, Zelos thinks. Not too bad.

Her eagerness to socialize is adorable, so obvious and amateurish in its execution that he has to laugh. At least he softens it with enough genuine amusement for it to pass off as actually amused, though. "Yeah, yeah," Zelos replies, looking back up to the sky. It's hypnotizing. He takes a second to take a deep breath, releases it in a loud sigh. "It's so much cleaner out here, don'tcha think? Even the ether tastes different."

Edited 2019-04-06 02:37 (UTC)

Sheena follows his gaze, taking in the night sky. It's familiar, despite how far she is from home - but that makes sense, for an alternate version of the world. "Yeah," she says. "I don't always mind cities, but they're kind of overwhelming even when you're not running for your life." She laughs, soft but dry, then tilts her head back to watch the sky a moment or two before she remembers what she'd actually wanted to say when she came over.

"...Actually, I meant to ask. Yesterday, you wanted me to try and use your sword, right? I still don't think I'd be much use with it, but did you want to give it another shot?" She's kind of curious, even if she doesn't have any plans to use it in battle. He'd been so adamant about her learning to use it, but why?

Apprehension is an unwelcome visitor that Zelos shuts the door to their link on. He replaces it with more amusement instead, with interest and something he hopes feels a little lighter than that. "Oh, you still curious about that?" he asks, turning only slightly to look at Sheena over his shoulder. Then he remembers what happened the first time she tried to summon his sword and he grins devilishly, both eyebrows raised at her as he laughs. "Well, I mean, you probably should, right? How else are we supposed to function!"

Mmmmmaybe after everything that happened the idea of letting her wield his sword is a little terrifying now, but. Unfortunately, as we all know, he kind of needs a driver, so he might as well play along and get her up to speed. Because, yeah, how else are they supposed to function otherwise? Come on, Zelos can't just wield it himself. That's weird.

"Wait, what do you mean?" she asks, with a frown. "You were using it yesterday and it was fine, right? You're the one who knows how to fight with a sword, anyway." She'd noticed his hesitance with the sword, but she'd thought-- she's not sure what she'd thought. The fact that he'd just woken up, maybe. Sheena twists to face him again, searching his face quizzically to understand why her wielding his sword would be so important.

Well, shit. Zelos really wasn't expecting needing to give a quick driving lesson here. God damn it, sometimes it's easy to forget that Sheena totally failed to at least read up on the blade system when she got here.

He dramatically rolls his eyes and shrugs, leaving his hands outstretched in front of himself, palms up, face twisted into something playful as he twists to face his driver too. "Sure, sure, but that's not how things work around here, hon. And since you totally didn't read up on this stuff, I guess it falls onto me to break it to you, huh?" He snorts, then gestures between the two of them with one hand to prevent her from speaking up before he does, keeps his posture lazy. "Okay, then. Look, the main thing between blades and drivers is that the driver uses the blade's weapon to fight with, and the blade transfers ether for the driver to use in battle by using the weapon as a conduit."

Zelos lowers his hands again, uses them to support himself on the log. He's still facing Sheena, playful features hardening somewhat with skepticism at her previous words of him knowing how to use his own sword. Man, what a ridiculous, stupid notion. "I really just think you should at least learn how to wield it. Like, a blade driving itself is just unnatural, y'know?"

Edited 2019-04-07 16:56 (UTC)

Sheena lets him talk, not interrupting, though she scowls at the reminder of how much she'd missed in her research. She does need to know this, after all. The emotional aspect of their link is impossible to ignore, but the rest of it is still foreign to her.

"Wait, then what happens in a fight?" she asks. "Doesn't that just make you an easy target, if you're not even armed? It'd be a pain if you couldn't defend yourself just so I could use your sword." Maybe in whatever fancy mock battles they had in Meltokio no one would focus on the blade, but Sheena has no faith that in a real fight, any enemies wouldn't focus on the big, glowing, weaponless target. She lowers herself to an actual seated position rather than a crouching one, mostly so she can cross her arms. "I mean, we can try it, but I'm not sure it's a great idea in a real fight."

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GREAT EVERYTHING IS PERFECT

[LLOYD VOICE] THIS IS FINE

Re: [LLOYD VOICE] THIS IS FINE

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anna please stop avoiding the actual issue here

don't worry she will face the Consequences of her actions

SHE IS

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Comes back seven years late with Starbucks hi

guess who forgot it was her tag