summonerd | i just wanna know: who broke it?

Even with her backpedaling, it's immediately apparent that yeah, she fucked up, and her face drops as soon as Lloyd laughs.

"Sorry," she says, helplessly, hands up in a gesture of supplication, and then, "sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that." Honestly she would've rather not said it at all, but it's not like she could lie to Lloyd of all people. "I don't feel great about this, either. But hey," she says, soft, stepping forward to place a hand on his shoulder gently. "We're not gonna let him--" Hm, nope, try again. She starts over, "We're not going to let anything happen to him. Right?" One way or another, she is going to keep this Zelos safe. She continues, rueful, "Besides, with this weird link between us, I'll know if..." She can't finish that sentence, just letting out a deeply uncomfortable laugh. It's way too early in the morning to be discussing the logistics of preventing Zelos's potential future suicide, even if it's only obliquely. "A-anyway. I'm sure it'll be okay."

Probably! Maybe. This is such a fucking mess. Sheena just drags her hands down her face, with a low, muffled noise that could have been fuuuuuck.

Edited 2019-03-27 03:51 (UTC)

"It'll be okay," Lloyd repeats for both of them, though he's not sure either of them really believes it. Guilt eats away at the panic that belies his mind, giving him a disgusting mixture of the two that only work to make him that much antsier. But he works on keeping it down, ignores the way his hands tremble as he rests his hands on the sword grips again, shooting Sheena a wobbly smile she probably can't see, wishing he was strong enough to actually reassure her like she's trying to desperately to reassure him.

"I uh - I trust their judgment," he says, and, well, he's learned his lesson about not trusting Zelos' decisions, so he swallows down the bitter taste of regret and unease and continues. "This world is different from ours, r-right? Who's to say this Mithos is any worse than ours was?"

Who's to say this Mithos is any better, Lloyd thinks, but keeps that locked tightly in his mind. The fear is going to last, going to burn into his brain until he sees for himself that this Mithos won't - won't -

That Lloyd won't have to do something he regrets again.

"Right," she says, after a moment. "I mean, so far as we know this world's still in one piece. If he hasn't done that..." Is it because he isn't as bad, or because he can't, and bringing Zelos to him will give him the power needed to fuck it up? Sheena doesn't know, and thinking about it is making her more anxious with no outlet for it. She shakes her head, uncertain. "For now, let's just worry about getting out of here, okay? I did kind of set the whole city off trying to find us." She says it with half a self-deprecating laugh, but there's no shame in her posture, at least. Hopefully Zelos's trick with the fire left a lasting enough impression that no one in Meltokio will forget it anytime soon. It's what they deserve for letting him be locked up like that. "We'll cross the other bridges when we come to them."

Thinking about that isn't really any better than thinking about Mithos, though, and she glances down, wrapping one arm around her middle loosely. "... Is it bad that I kind of want him to come back with us?" she admits, voice quiet. "I don't know. I know he isn't the same person, but..." His face from the nightmare comes back to her, unprompted, combined with what she'd seen yesterday when he'd told her to touch his core crystal, and she tightens her hold on herself. She can't leave him to face that again, no matter what.

At Sheena's soft question, Lloyd steps forward, wrapping his arms around her in another hug. "I don't think I'm in any position to judge," he mumbles into her hair, quiet and defeated, the earlier sickness fading away to be a not-so-dull throb of pain, vertigo lessening into a general desire to not live in the waking world as is. "I feel the same way. It feels like..."

He trails off, sighing, shutting his eyes tightly closed. "It feels bad," Lloyd finishes, a sad chuckle following him. He's never been a wordsmith, even less so when emotionally distressed, but. He's trying.

"We miss him," Lloyd states, ignoring the way his necklace presses cold against his chest, ignoring the way the shadows, the thoughts he tries to avoid swim to the surface of his mind, attempting to swing their tendrils of forcibly repressed memories into the forefront of his thinking track. "But we'll make it through this, yeah? The both of us. We'll be okay. We'll save this Zelos and we'll - we'll figure some shit out. We always do."

She hugs him back, one-armed and gentle. "Yeah, that about sums it up," she says, soft. "It feels awful, but... we've made it through worse." She just has to keep believing that until it feels as true as it actually is. The hug helps, the anxiety dying down into something more manageable, but leaving in its wake a wave of annoyance that Sheena's immediately certain can't be her own. Oops.

"I think he's still awake, actually," she says, reaches up with the hand that had been wrapped around herself to rub at the center of her collarbone where the annoyance settles faint and sour. "Do you feel up to meeting him?" Her tone's cautious, but moping's never suited either of them.

Lloyd pulls his head back, a nervous chuckle finding its way out of his mouth because he will never feel up to meeting this Zelos, but. Lloyd has a feeling this Zelos has gone through his own troubles, and to keep distance because of Lloyd's own issues instead of helping would be -

It would be the type of thing people used to do to their Zelos. So Lloyd's going to try. He's going to introduce himself, and if nothing else, he will be an acquaintance this Zelos can maybe one day trust to help protect him best Lloyd can. Lloyd nods, slowly, more than a little hesitantly, but it's definitely a nod.

"Ready as I'll ever be," he says, smiling a closed-mouthed smile, "ready as I can be."

Sheena matches his smile, encouragingly. "That's more like it," she says. Honestly, she'd rather fight a couple more like that lightning blade from yesterday than go through this introduction, but that's just her life now!! Whatever!!!

She pulls back from the hug, crossing the room to the door. "Right, let's go," she says, as she pulls it open and looks out into the still-dark hallway. After a glance back to make sure he's following she makes for the stairs, assuming that Zelos would still be downstairs with both bedrooms having been occupied.

The sun rises.

Pink and orange change to purples and blues, and then eventually to baby blue with white clouds scattered about. The stars disappear, hidden behind the light. The murky, darkened greenery outside comes fully into focus once the sun rises in the sky, the trees still calling out for the little bird in his cage, asking what he thinks of the sunrise. And, well, considering he's spent the entire thing glued to the wall just watching as time rolled by, Zelos thinks he's inclined to say he loved it somewhat.

Standing here in silence, arms crossed, just watching the sky in a little shack in the middle of Meltokio's outskirts, feels different this time from all the other times he's watched a sunset before, something a little new and exciting spreading through his veins. It's still a little annoying to have to watch through a window, but considering the situation outside, Zelos guesses it just can't be helped. Still, he enjoys it as best as he can while trying to ignore his driver's end of the emotional bleed and the way it keeps going up and down and up and down in a sickening manner. Well, at least there's no doubt she has awakened by now. But it annoys him anyway, the sensations intrusive and unwelcome, so he makes no move to filter that from their connection.

Whatever. Zelos sighs. Propped against the wall, he keeps his eyes on the wind-dancing foliage outside, wonders what the breeze all the way over here must feel like during the early morning. Wonders about the air, the quality of it, if it's as full of ether as it always is in the city or if it's somehow much more clearer. Wonders about the grass, about the sky, about the sun. Wonders, thinks, questions, wants.

This is the first sunrise he sees since he's been set free.

At the back of his mind, Zelos wonders about the rest, and of everything in-between.

Lloyd follows Sheena down the stairs at his normal pace, but time seems to have slowed, the beat of his heart being the only true indication that it hasn't. His mind is spinning, memories and smiles and glances and touches, jokes and moments he's shared with Zelos but not this one collapsing within his mind until he's left something close to numb, feeling too much and yet nothing at all. Overemoting is a concept he's used to, something he's let carry him through terrors and horrors abound, but as of late it's just served to kick him when he's down, the fact that he's an empath working to bound him to his own fucking pain and then shoving it down because it could be worse.

(He doesn't see how having to introduce himself to someone who looks, talks, and acts like his first love did and pretend he's fine could be any worse. But he was an optimist at heart, and it's easier to pretend like that part of him hadn't left him with all life's thrown at him than to admit that something is wrong with him.)

Zelos stands in the living room, eyes closed, arms crossed, leaning on the wall, and Lloyd averts his eyes, ignores the way his heart sinks into his stomach because everything about this picture is familiar but it's not what he wants. Instead, he places a cheesy smile on his face and purposely makes his steps just a little louder, walking up from behind Sheena and stepping in front of Zelos.

"Hey," he starts, and thank god, his voice actually sounds strong, "my name's Lloyd Irving. It's super nice to meet you!"

Lloyd holds out his hand for a handshake, and it all feels wrong. But he's not going to treat this Zelos like his own, like he doesn't have his own issues and problems. Back in their own world, his Zelos had one time told him about how others liked to pretend that Zelos didn't have his own worries, that Zelos' life was easy because he pretended it was. Lloyd knows that this Zelos has been through shit, and he's not going to sit here and cry like a fucking child because he can't get his way.

Zelos doesn't deserve that. So he wills the smile to stay glued onto his face, puts on an act, and calls himself back to reality. Dreaming is overrated, anyways.

The interruption annoys Zelos immediately, and he doesn't hide his displeasure at the strength and timbre of Lloyd's voice when he suddenly introduces himself. At least Zelos heard him approach, so he wasn't caught by surprise, though that still doesn't mean that Zelos hides the raised eyebrow he gives Lloyd.

There's... something, bubbling in his connection to Sheena. Zelos hums, blinks at Lloyd's hand. It's a sensation that feels the same way a cringe produced by secondhand embarrassment would, something tight and nervous coming from his driver. Zelos raises his eyes to set them on Sheena for a split second, taking in her expression before he flickers them to meet Lloyd's instead. These two know each other, his mind says. They're from the same world.

Sheena knows something about Lloyd that he doesn't show.

Hm.

"Hi," Zelos finally speaks, voice light and friendly and an easy smile on his face as he pushes himself off the wall, uncrosses his arms, and takes Lloyd's hand in his in a deliberately slow fashion. He shakes it once and rather harshly, though, squeezes tight and doesn't let go. He tilts his head and squints, still smiling. "Name's Zelos, but you probably already know that. I knew your name, too. It's a rather late introduction for us, huh?" He laughs, letting go of Lloyd's hand and shrugging instead. "I'm jokin'. Yesterday was a mess, huh?"

Whether or not Lloyd catches the observant, calculating look Zelos gives him behind the grin, the Aegis just doesn't care.

Of course Lloyd catches the calculating look. The fact that this Zelos is not the one he knew is irrelevant in this situation because he knows his face, knows the quirk of his eyebrow and the mask he slid in place over his own analyzing edge. And yeah, it fucking hurts, but Lloyd swallows down the pain and takes it because this is the least he deserves, really.

(Zelos' blood is warm, but Lloyd has never felt colder than he does as it seeps into his clothes, Zelos going limp in his lap.)

The smile wobbles at Zelos' prodding jokes because now that he knows Zelos knows he's full of shit it's significantly harder to play pretend, but Lloyd keeps it up, pulling his hand out of Zelos' own and placing it into his pocket with a laugh, something quiet and tired. "Yeah, it was a helluva day," he agrees with a nod.

It was probably the single weirdest day Lloyd's had in his life, for one, but then finding Sheena, meeting Anna and Malos, trying to cope with the knowledge that this world's Zelos is still alive - it was so much to try and deal with at once. But.

Lloyd wants to say more, wants to excuse himself for not introducing himself sooner past I couldn't face you yet but the words aren't coming and Zelos can already tell he's fucking lying about wanting to be here like this, so instead he's left staring at the floor, avoiding eye contact with either Zelos or Sheena.

This fucking sucks.

Okay, well, the way Lloyd stares at the floor and practically shuts down immediately after talking is very, very hard to miss. Zelos, uncomfortable, drops the smile and raises an eyebrow at him, one hand on his hip. What, was it something he said? What the hell.

Since Lloyd is apparently out of commission here, Zelos turns to Sheena instead. "Yo, is he okay?" he asks out loud, gesturing at Lloyd with a flap of his hand, genuinely curious and perhaps a little bit in shock. This... is really weird. Hm. Zelos turns to regard Lloyd again, then bends down so that his face at least enters Lloyd's field of vision, asks, "You good over there, bud?"

Sheena stops a few paces back, the wave of Zelos's annoyance getting thick enough to be distracting. Seriously, is this normal for this world?

Just seeing Zelos is still kind of a lot, though, especially after that fucking dream, and she's grateful that Lloyd steps up to start the conversation without needing her to. He can handle this himself, right? She doesn't need to--

And then Lloyd's gaze drops, and that awkward edge to his voice goes from obvious to blatant, and there's no chance he's okay, is there. She startles a bit at Zelos addressing her, winces as she looks up from Lloyd to meet his gaze. "Ah, he's--"

Yeah, he's really not. Fuck.

No. No, he's not okay. Lloyd wants to be sick, wants to run away, wants to go home, the home he used to know as camping and joking and snacks in front of a fire, of Colette's singing and Genis' teasing, Raine's hums, and Sheena and Zelos' banter. He wants it back, wants to take it all back because living this life is tearing Lloyd apart, knowing he killed Zelos and ruined his chances with his uncles and wasn't worth sticking around for.

"I'm sorry," he whispers before whipping around and walking out of the room, booking it outside as soon as he's out of Zelos and Sheena's line of vision.

Once outside, he takes a deep breath, allows the smell of nature to ground him because all he can see, all he can think of is his mistakes, the feeling of his swords slicing through flesh and bone as he cries out against how unfair it all is. It's like he's being pulled into several different locations at once - he knows he's on the outskirts of Meltokio, but his mind is in the Tower of Salvation, in Derris-Kharlan and every other place something went wrong.

Lloyd sprints into a small forest placed behind the safehouse, face crumbling into something distressed and ugly, and before he knows it, he's on his knees, punching the ground, hot tears spilling down his face because he can't hold it together anymore, and this is the third time he's sobbed in two days, why is he so fucking broken.

Ah, fuck. Her face drops as Lloyd apologizes and then flees, and she turns as he does, reaching out to try and stop him, but he's already out of her reach. This was a mistake!

"Lloyd, wait," she says, desperate, and makes to follow after him. If Zelos doesn't stop her, she's about to walk straight out into the bright, warm morning air of a Meltokio that almost certainly still has soldiers out searching for her.

Sheena doesn't get anywhere; as soon as it becomes apparent that she's planning to run out there and chase Lloyd down, Zelos reaches forward and grabs her tightly by the arm, keeping her in place. He doesn't make eye contact. He just keeps his eyes on where he'd disappeared to, expression completely blank. And even once it's clear that Lloyd has left the house Zelos still doesn't let go of Sheena. She is his driver, he tells himself. Neither of them can risk her getting caught off guard outside.

Zelos stares. That guy, Lloyd... he's familiar, for all the wrong reasons. The Aegis blinks slowly, the blank mask hiding whirling thoughts and the replaying of a foreign memory he stored in his core for further use. Unconsciously, as it plays out, his grip on Sheena's arm tightens. Because if Zelos focuses on that memory, on the little he is allowed to see--if he pushes with all his might against Sheena's hyperfocus on his mirror's corpse, then he can see a distinct shade of red kneeling in front of his other self. A familiar shade.

Lloyd and Sheena know each other. They're from the same world.

Zelos Wilder commited suicide, using Sheena as an assistant in his death.

Eyes squinting dangerously, still watching the door where Lloyd left, the Aegis wonders if maybe he used Lloyd, too.

"Wh-Hey!" Sheena says, tries but fails to tug her arm free of Zelos's grip. "Let--" she starts, then stops herself, remembering just why it's a terrible idea. "...oh. Sorry."

She makes an attempt to pull away a second time, experimentally, frowning when his grip tightens instead of weakening. "Hey, Tethe'alla to Zelos? You can let go," she says, pasting a less-than-genuine smile onto her face. "I'm not gonna go out there, I just--" She runs her free hand through her bangs, gaze drifting back towards the door Lloyd had left through. "I'm just worried."

Zelos does snap out of his reverie when Sheena finishes speaking, at least. He blinks. Oh dear, oh dear--that was sloppy. He's stepped out of line. Zelos slips a smile onto his face and chuckles, releasing his driver immediately, then shrugging. "Yeah, well," he says, "y'wanna know my opinion? Let him be." He pushes himself away from Sheena and walks over to where he remembers the kitchen being, vaguely gesturing over his shoulder. Lower, he says, "Poor guy looked like he saw a ghost."

He doesn't give Sheena the time to react to that if she heard it. Zelos quickly peeks into the kitchen and bangs his palm on the wall as harshly as he can. "Yo, Malos!" he shouts, all shit-eating grins and amusement to hide how badly the event just unnerved him. "We got a runaway! The kid left!"

Malos, who was already on his way out of the kitchen wondering why the fuck his front door just opened, almost runs into Zelos. "Architect!", he swears, startled, and then the rest of what Zelos says registers to him and. "Kid? Which kid?"

He doesn't give Zelos the time to answer, poking his head out of the kitchen to look and--there's Sheena, so. "Where the fuck did Lloyd go? What happened?"

So much for a peaceful fucking breakfast!

Edited 2019-03-29 02:09 (UTC)

He doesn't give her the time to say anything about it, but Zelos gets to feel the way her heart drops into her stomach anyway. It's not like he could have known, but he hit the nail on the head, and the noise she lets out is akin to a deflating balloon, soft and easy to miss as Zelos goes on and Malos enters the room. This day just keeps getting worse!

How does she explain what she's pretty sure happened without sharing things that aren't hers to share. Fuck. She struggles to pull that smile back onto her face, or at least get back to something neutral, as she says, "He just got here yesterday, right? It's... a lot to take in, all at once. I don't think he'll go far."

Zelos chuckles at Malos' outburst, flapping his hand about to dismiss the tense atmosphere in the air, stepping up into the room right behind the blade. "Oh, yeah. We all had one hell of a day yesterday, right? Particularly him, from the looks of it," he says, directing himself to the couch he'd slept in and settling himself in it once again. He tucks his arms behind his head. "I mean, I think I even heard him cry. So give him, like, an hour or so to calm down. I'm sure he'll be back." He pauses, hums. Snorts. "And if he's not, then we can always meet him halfway, right?"

He's grinning like this is all a joke, like it's amusing, like he's not freaked out of his mind about everything and anything and the way that it all just keeps happening with no fucking end in sight. Architect, this has been the strangest day of his new life, and the fact that it's the very first one feels like a bad omen of what's to come. What the hell did Zelos get himself into? What did Sheena get him into?

This is already shaping up to be the worst roadtrip ever.

"I mean, yeah," Malos says, more confused than anything else. "Guess y'all have been through a lot." And they're in a brand new, probably confusing as hell, dimension besides. Well shit. "Givin' him some time sounds like a fine plan," he says, a little louder than normal, putting on an air of confidence masking the unease that sits in his chest.

Like, okay, giving someone some time to sit and regulate themselves after a breakdown? Valid as hell. Makes perfect sense. Definitely something he's used to.

But also that's his grandson so he's kind of worried like holy shit.

Give him some time, Malos, give him some time. Malos ducks back into the kitchen, makes sure his pancakes aren't burning (they aren't) and then sits and glares at the pan while he tries to figure out what he's going to do. Maybe it won't even be the best thing to spring on Lloyd if he's not doing too hot, but also... if Lloyd and Sheena are going to be in this world for an extended period of time--which Malos kind of figures they are, especially with Zelos in the equation, and knowing that inter-dimensional travel probably ain't something you can do on a fucking whim-- Then, well. Lloyd and Sheena really need to know how this world fucking works, huh. Especially if they're going to meet Mithos. Especially since they have no idea what the history here is, with the war, with the Aegises. Maybe Sheena knows some but Malos knows Lloyd doesn't and they...

They cannot just walk up to Mithos' tower not knowing shit about fuck.

Oh shit, pancakes are burning.

Cursing, Malos hastily gets them outta the pan and tosses them onto the plate with the rest. Batter's all been used up and they've got a pretty impressive stack going, but-- Well, they ain't eating until Lloyd's back. Malos shoves the plate into the microwave. They can just heat 'em up later, it's fine. No one will know if he doesn't say shit.

Better go kick Anna out of bed.

He takes a second just to look Zelos' and Sheena's direction before he heads upstairs. Sheena's pacing enough she'll probably run a rut in their floor if she keeps it up. Zelos is on the couch, looking like he might be trying to nap again. He thinks about saying something to Sheena, isn't sure what to say, decides against it. Saying nothing, up the stairs he goes, until he's in Anna's room.

"Up up up!" he calls, obnoxiously, opening her curtains so she gets a faceful of sunlight. "Unfortunately, day's started."

There's a flare of anoyance and regret along their emotional bleed. Anna rolls over and covers her face with a pillow. "Five more minutes," she grumbles.

Normally this is the point where Malos cajoles her out of bed with promises of breakfast he's already made and threats that it's gonna get cold if she doesn't get her ass downstairs soon, but today he goes with:

"Come on, gonna need you to give your famous Aegis history lesson."

That gets her.

She sits up-- or at least, props herself up on her arms to send him a slightly-more-coherent look. "Oh fuck," she says, and the annoyance in their emotion bleed is replaced by confusion and also a sweet sweet song of eager delight. (Anna loooooves doing these history lessons, she has speeches memorized and everything.) "How soon? I need to pee, at least."

Malos laughs. "After breakfast," he tells her. "Maybe during. You got time."

"Time to shower?" Anna asks.

Malos shrugs. "If you want."

Anna considers it for a moment, then: "We're gonna be on the road for a while, maybe I better."

Malos leaves her to making that decision, and heads back downstairs. He checks the clock. It's been like, fifteen minutes since Lloyd went out? Probably hasn't been enough time... He doesn't want to eat breakfast without Lloyd, though. And something about leaving Lloyd out there alone just doesn't sit right with him.

And like... Lloyd should at least know there's breakfast, right?

"Gonna go check on Lloyd," he tells Sheena, already making his way for the door. "Tell him breakfast is ready and all." He hesitates, then adds. "Don't help yourselves, we'll eat when I get back."

Out the door before Sheena can argue. Malos hopes she's right about Lloyd not having gone far-- but then, he can feel Lloyd's ether signature, still. It's weird, a human having an ether signature so strong (not quite blade, only barely less), but Malos counts it lucky at the moment. He follows the taste of something a little like Anna, a little like something old and just-barely remembered he can't quite name. (Did their Lloyd have an ether signature? Malos kind of remembers he did, maybe.)

He finds Lloyd in the woods not far from the house, back to a tree, face buried in his knees. Malos bites down his worry and siphons his emotional link to Anna, not wanting to ruin her shower with concern she doesn't know why he's throwing around, and also not wanting her highly-focused delight making it harder to think about what's in front of him.

"Hey," Malos says, dragging the sound out just a little. "Breakfast is ready." He wants to ask what's wrong, but knows better than that. Can't get away with that shit when you ain't close to someone. So. "You don't gotta come back right away, just wanted to let you know."

Lloyd startles as soon as Malos speaks up, whipping his head up with wide eyes. There is a little bit of mental berating - you're alone in these small woods, Lloyd, your friends are being hunted, you should have been alert - but he pushes it back like he pushes back the slight tinge of pain coming from his knuckles. The violent energy he had run out here with had disappeared with a few punches to a random tree, and though it left Lloyd mentally exhausted and with torn knuckles, he feels at least a semblance of better. At the very least, his flashbacks have faded for now.

“Ah - thank you,” he says, voice a little hoarse, guilt pulling at his throat with the obvious concern on Malos’ face, with the way he came out here to find Lloyd instead of Lloyd keeping it together by himself. “I-I’m coming. Don't want to keep you all waiting.”

Humiliation lingers in Lloyd's thoughts, sprouting growing dread at facing Zelos or Sheena after this episode, after making everything awkward and tense, after running out like a child. Lloyd pauses, counts to ten, takes a deep, shaky breath and stands, picking up his gloves beside him. He strolls ahead, fixing the gloves back into place and keeping his eyes downcast, because he's sure they're bloodshot and ugly and he's embarrassed, so fucking embarrassed at how he just keeps doing this, breaking down at every wrong turn just because his life happens to be tough.

Lloyd thinks about Kratos, about living for 4,000 years with so much pain, and knows it could be so much worse. He stops in front of Malos, flashes a tiny smile, and tilts his head in the direction of the safehouse. “Let's go.”

"Hey, we don't mind waiting!" Malos assures Lloyd, first and foremost. "Or if you want us to start without you so you can have a little more time without feeling guilty for keeping us, that's fine too. Don't have to go anywhere until you're ready."

Lloyd looks pretty set on going regardless, but Malos hesitates, just a second, feeling like there's something here, something more he should say. He isn't sure what. Watching Lloyd right now is like looking into a funhouse mirror that shows the past-- same signals Zelos was sending, earlier, don't ask I don't want to talk, but Lloyd's is a little shakier and...

Something about the downcast of those eyes, Malos recognizes. Kratos hides his face when he's embarrassed, too.

"Really, Lloyd," Malos says, gentle. "If you want some more time to cool off, take a breather-- I get it. Happens to all of us. It's been a pretty crazy twelve hours-- less than that?" Feels like a fucking eternity since Lloyd showed up, seeing as after that Sheena arived with the goddamn Aegis in tow. "Anyway. A lot's happened. I really can't blame you."

Malos moves then, slowly, just a step or two. "But... if you think you're good, we can go. Or I can just go, if you want some space. Don't worry about breakfast."

The thing is, Lloyd doesn't really wanna go inside. He doesn't want to face Sheena and Zelos yet, not after that agitating episode, not with the shame that burns in his chest over losing his composure in front of Zelos, who's got his own shit to figure out, and leaving Sheena to deal with it. Lloyd doesn't want to deal with this, with this world, with this scenario, with the cruel 'fuck you' fate keeps spitting at him.

But he also doesn't want to stay out here and try to wait out something that won't fade away from existence just because he's ignored it long enough. Lloyd Irving has never run from his problems before, really, and he's not going to start now, not when there are other people who could use his help. He might be broken, he might be shattered, but he'll do what he can. So it's best he staples his heart back together, whips his mind back into working order, and fakes it till he makes it.

Lloyd needs to get Sheena home, after all. No matter what it takes.

He strengthens the weak smile on his face, shrugging a little nonchalantly, trying to force the strain out of his voice for the sake of tugging the concern out of Malos'. "I'll be okay. It was just - Zelos reminded me of someone, is all. I wasn't ready. But - I'll get over it. I'll be okay."

Without waiting for Malos' response, he turns and starts walking towards the safehouse, closing his eyes and exhaling quietly as soon as his back is turned. No matter what it takes.

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YOU HORRIBLE CHILDREN YOU'RE KILLING YOUR GRANDPA

THIS IS HELL

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