summonerd | i just wanna know: who broke it?

Lloyd winces, rubbing the back of his neck because he most definitely does not really have a crystal clear way of getting them home. In his defense, hearing Origin say that this was about his only chance to find Sheena really changes the way one might plan out a rescue mission.

"Sorta?" He gives her instead, sheepishness claiming his tone as he rests his hands on the grips of his swords, suddenly wishing he had his Material Blades on him rather than Gagnrad, but, whatever. "Origin has little to no power that reaches over here, I think. He told me to find the reflection of himself that could lead us home."

Whichhhhh is a lot less specific now that he thinks about it. Given the existence of blades and an entirely new system of mana - ether? - Lloyd wouldn't bet on summon spirits being a part of this universe. He bites at his lip, lost in thought. As much as it sucks to think about, Sheena and he might be here for longer than they originally thought, especially if they're going to help Zelos out with whatever it is Sheena broke him out of.

"Maybe the Origin over here conveniently has an interdimensional portal? Or just two really strong Rhieards?"

Lloyd Irving, think through a plan completely before kicking it off? Absolutely not. Sheena can't help but laugh at his expression, fond.

"Actually..." She pauses, both feeling at the edges of her connection with Zelos to make sure the comparison's right and not really wanting to be the one to bring his name up to Lloyd. "Zelos does kind of feel like Origin." Which is a hell of a sentence, now that she's said it, and her face is very clear that she doesn't know what to make of it. "That's how I wound up finding him, but I didn't expect him to be..." Well, him. Has Sheena mentioned lately that she hates this world a little? She scowls, taps her boot against the floor to drive her foot into it properly as she thinks. "But he can't be Origin, right? That wouldn't make any sense."

Lloyd would like to note that he took the introduction of Zelos' name into the conversation quite well, thank you, mostly hiding the way his heart sinks deep into his chest cavity. His smile wobbles but stays on, for the most part, and he manages to keep eye contact. He's getting better at this whole ignore how you're feeling thing, finally.

"I - uh, still don't really know anything about this world," Lloyd says, shifting his weight onto his right leg and crossing his arms in thought, "but Malos told me about something before you guys got here. Zelos has a core crystal, right?" He didn't see it if Zelos does have one, but if Sheena has to personally bust him out of the Tethe'allan government's hands, maybe it's not a far cry to assume he's a blade here.

(The idea of Zelos being used against his will as a weapon sickens Lloyd.)

"Core crystals don't... seem too far from exspheres or cruxis crystals. Do you think maybe they could be connected back to this world's Origin?"

Edited (forgot to capitalize god's name, F) 2019-03-26 22:28 (UTC)

Unfortunately for Lloyd, Sheena's spent enough time with him to catch his reaction, and she shoots him an apologetic smile. She's not that far ahead of him on dealing with this, really - she gets it.

"Yeah, he does," she says, thoughtful. "His power felt pretty different from what an exsphere does, but... the concept's so similar. I dunno. They could be." She sighs, lifts her arms over her head to stretch. "But why would Origin be connected to blades?"

"I dunno," Lloyd replies with a small shrug. "Maybe he helped create them? Or helps keep them powered or something? I'm drawing a blank."

He blinks, lifting his arm so he can support his head on the palm of his hand, shooting Sheena a glance, "where are we planning on going from here, anyway? Maybe if we can start keeping an eye out for Origin while we travel!"

That sounds like a good idea! Origin wasn't easy to pinpoint the first time, but it's not like they can't do it again, right? And hey, maybe they can even get him to help Zelos while they're at it. Someone with the power of a god isn't necessarily someone to be sneezed at.

"Guess we'll find out when we find him," says Sheena, matching Lloyd's shrug. Then he asks about their plans, and last night comes back to her.

"Actually..." she says, hesitating. She probably should've mentioned this before now, but better now than to let Lloyd be blindsided by it later. "Last night, Zelos said he wanted to... go to Mithos." Wow, that sounds so much worse than Sheena'd expected it to, and she winces, quickly continuing, "Apparently, he's an Aegis here, too? I've been here almost a month and it doesn't seem like there's anything like Cruxis, so... maybe this Mithos is different. Malos thought it sounded like a good idea."

Zelos said he wanted to... go to Mithos.

Haha, right? Please be joking, Sheena, please laugh. Panic bubbles up from deep in his chest, coming out as a rough laugh that lands itself somewhere between horrified and disbelieving because his life wouldn't be this cruel to him, right? Making him introduce himself to an alternate version of the dead love of his life, only to make Lloyd suffer again in the same way? Making Lloyd face down his dead uncle, the one he killed? This is a different universe, surely whatever is out there that enjoyed watching his life go to shit in the span of a few days doesn't exist here, so this can't be it, right?

"I - I see," Lloyd manages to work out, nausea tickling at his throat, and he swallows down the sudden, dizzying urge to be sick. He knows what Sheena meant, knows that this Mithos is not his own, this Zelos is not what once his own. Knows that things are different, and the picture in the illusion may not be as close as it seems. But the words Zelos said he wanted to go to Mithos keep bouncing around his head, keep pounding at the weak armor he wears around his heart, a heart broken mercilessly and so often that it barely beats with half the strength it used to. He averts his eyes, turns around, busies himself with staring out the window again because it's easier to do that than to face Sheena and call himself a coward.

"Sounds like a good plan," he lies through his teeth, rubbing at the glove on his left hand. "If Malos thought it was a good idea and Zelos wants it, we might as well."

He swallows hard. Pushes down the panic. Forces a blank enough face, not having the will to force a smile anymore. And then he closes the window curtains, having had enough of the sunny morning already.

Zelos said he wanted to... go to Mithos.

Even with her backpedaling, it's immediately apparent that yeah, she fucked up, and her face drops as soon as Lloyd laughs.

"Sorry," she says, helplessly, hands up in a gesture of supplication, and then, "sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that." Honestly she would've rather not said it at all, but it's not like she could lie to Lloyd of all people. "I don't feel great about this, either. But hey," she says, soft, stepping forward to place a hand on his shoulder gently. "We're not gonna let him--" Hm, nope, try again. She starts over, "We're not going to let anything happen to him. Right?" One way or another, she is going to keep this Zelos safe. She continues, rueful, "Besides, with this weird link between us, I'll know if..." She can't finish that sentence, just letting out a deeply uncomfortable laugh. It's way too early in the morning to be discussing the logistics of preventing Zelos's potential future suicide, even if it's only obliquely. "A-anyway. I'm sure it'll be okay."

Probably! Maybe. This is such a fucking mess. Sheena just drags her hands down her face, with a low, muffled noise that could have been fuuuuuck.

Edited 2019-03-27 03:51 (UTC)

"It'll be okay," Lloyd repeats for both of them, though he's not sure either of them really believes it. Guilt eats away at the panic that belies his mind, giving him a disgusting mixture of the two that only work to make him that much antsier. But he works on keeping it down, ignores the way his hands tremble as he rests his hands on the sword grips again, shooting Sheena a wobbly smile she probably can't see, wishing he was strong enough to actually reassure her like she's trying to desperately to reassure him.

"I uh - I trust their judgment," he says, and, well, he's learned his lesson about not trusting Zelos' decisions, so he swallows down the bitter taste of regret and unease and continues. "This world is different from ours, r-right? Who's to say this Mithos is any worse than ours was?"

Who's to say this Mithos is any better, Lloyd thinks, but keeps that locked tightly in his mind. The fear is going to last, going to burn into his brain until he sees for himself that this Mithos won't - won't -

That Lloyd won't have to do something he regrets again.

"Right," she says, after a moment. "I mean, so far as we know this world's still in one piece. If he hasn't done that..." Is it because he isn't as bad, or because he can't, and bringing Zelos to him will give him the power needed to fuck it up? Sheena doesn't know, and thinking about it is making her more anxious with no outlet for it. She shakes her head, uncertain. "For now, let's just worry about getting out of here, okay? I did kind of set the whole city off trying to find us." She says it with half a self-deprecating laugh, but there's no shame in her posture, at least. Hopefully Zelos's trick with the fire left a lasting enough impression that no one in Meltokio will forget it anytime soon. It's what they deserve for letting him be locked up like that. "We'll cross the other bridges when we come to them."

Thinking about that isn't really any better than thinking about Mithos, though, and she glances down, wrapping one arm around her middle loosely. "... Is it bad that I kind of want him to come back with us?" she admits, voice quiet. "I don't know. I know he isn't the same person, but..." His face from the nightmare comes back to her, unprompted, combined with what she'd seen yesterday when he'd told her to touch his core crystal, and she tightens her hold on herself. She can't leave him to face that again, no matter what.

At Sheena's soft question, Lloyd steps forward, wrapping his arms around her in another hug. "I don't think I'm in any position to judge," he mumbles into her hair, quiet and defeated, the earlier sickness fading away to be a not-so-dull throb of pain, vertigo lessening into a general desire to not live in the waking world as is. "I feel the same way. It feels like..."

He trails off, sighing, shutting his eyes tightly closed. "It feels bad," Lloyd finishes, a sad chuckle following him. He's never been a wordsmith, even less so when emotionally distressed, but. He's trying.

"We miss him," Lloyd states, ignoring the way his necklace presses cold against his chest, ignoring the way the shadows, the thoughts he tries to avoid swim to the surface of his mind, attempting to swing their tendrils of forcibly repressed memories into the forefront of his thinking track. "But we'll make it through this, yeah? The both of us. We'll be okay. We'll save this Zelos and we'll - we'll figure some shit out. We always do."

She hugs him back, one-armed and gentle. "Yeah, that about sums it up," she says, soft. "It feels awful, but... we've made it through worse." She just has to keep believing that until it feels as true as it actually is. The hug helps, the anxiety dying down into something more manageable, but leaving in its wake a wave of annoyance that Sheena's immediately certain can't be her own. Oops.

"I think he's still awake, actually," she says, reaches up with the hand that had been wrapped around herself to rub at the center of her collarbone where the annoyance settles faint and sour. "Do you feel up to meeting him?" Her tone's cautious, but moping's never suited either of them.

Lloyd pulls his head back, a nervous chuckle finding its way out of his mouth because he will never feel up to meeting this Zelos, but. Lloyd has a feeling this Zelos has gone through his own troubles, and to keep distance because of Lloyd's own issues instead of helping would be -

It would be the type of thing people used to do to their Zelos. So Lloyd's going to try. He's going to introduce himself, and if nothing else, he will be an acquaintance this Zelos can maybe one day trust to help protect him best Lloyd can. Lloyd nods, slowly, more than a little hesitantly, but it's definitely a nod.

"Ready as I'll ever be," he says, smiling a closed-mouthed smile, "ready as I can be."

Sheena matches his smile, encouragingly. "That's more like it," she says. Honestly, she'd rather fight a couple more like that lightning blade from yesterday than go through this introduction, but that's just her life now!! Whatever!!!

She pulls back from the hug, crossing the room to the door. "Right, let's go," she says, as she pulls it open and looks out into the still-dark hallway. After a glance back to make sure he's following she makes for the stairs, assuming that Zelos would still be downstairs with both bedrooms having been occupied.

The sun rises.

Pink and orange change to purples and blues, and then eventually to baby blue with white clouds scattered about. The stars disappear, hidden behind the light. The murky, darkened greenery outside comes fully into focus once the sun rises in the sky, the trees still calling out for the little bird in his cage, asking what he thinks of the sunrise. And, well, considering he's spent the entire thing glued to the wall just watching as time rolled by, Zelos thinks he's inclined to say he loved it somewhat.

Standing here in silence, arms crossed, just watching the sky in a little shack in the middle of Meltokio's outskirts, feels different this time from all the other times he's watched a sunset before, something a little new and exciting spreading through his veins. It's still a little annoying to have to watch through a window, but considering the situation outside, Zelos guesses it just can't be helped. Still, he enjoys it as best as he can while trying to ignore his driver's end of the emotional bleed and the way it keeps going up and down and up and down in a sickening manner. Well, at least there's no doubt she has awakened by now. But it annoys him anyway, the sensations intrusive and unwelcome, so he makes no move to filter that from their connection.

Whatever. Zelos sighs. Propped against the wall, he keeps his eyes on the wind-dancing foliage outside, wonders what the breeze all the way over here must feel like during the early morning. Wonders about the air, the quality of it, if it's as full of ether as it always is in the city or if it's somehow much more clearer. Wonders about the grass, about the sky, about the sun. Wonders, thinks, questions, wants.

This is the first sunrise he sees since he's been set free.

At the back of his mind, Zelos wonders about the rest, and of everything in-between.

Lloyd follows Sheena down the stairs at his normal pace, but time seems to have slowed, the beat of his heart being the only true indication that it hasn't. His mind is spinning, memories and smiles and glances and touches, jokes and moments he's shared with Zelos but not this one collapsing within his mind until he's left something close to numb, feeling too much and yet nothing at all. Overemoting is a concept he's used to, something he's let carry him through terrors and horrors abound, but as of late it's just served to kick him when he's down, the fact that he's an empath working to bound him to his own fucking pain and then shoving it down because it could be worse.

(He doesn't see how having to introduce himself to someone who looks, talks, and acts like his first love did and pretend he's fine could be any worse. But he was an optimist at heart, and it's easier to pretend like that part of him hadn't left him with all life's thrown at him than to admit that something is wrong with him.)

Zelos stands in the living room, eyes closed, arms crossed, leaning on the wall, and Lloyd averts his eyes, ignores the way his heart sinks into his stomach because everything about this picture is familiar but it's not what he wants. Instead, he places a cheesy smile on his face and purposely makes his steps just a little louder, walking up from behind Sheena and stepping in front of Zelos.

"Hey," he starts, and thank god, his voice actually sounds strong, "my name's Lloyd Irving. It's super nice to meet you!"

Lloyd holds out his hand for a handshake, and it all feels wrong. But he's not going to treat this Zelos like his own, like he doesn't have his own issues and problems. Back in their own world, his Zelos had one time told him about how others liked to pretend that Zelos didn't have his own worries, that Zelos' life was easy because he pretended it was. Lloyd knows that this Zelos has been through shit, and he's not going to sit here and cry like a fucking child because he can't get his way.

Zelos doesn't deserve that. So he wills the smile to stay glued onto his face, puts on an act, and calls himself back to reality. Dreaming is overrated, anyways.

The interruption annoys Zelos immediately, and he doesn't hide his displeasure at the strength and timbre of Lloyd's voice when he suddenly introduces himself. At least Zelos heard him approach, so he wasn't caught by surprise, though that still doesn't mean that Zelos hides the raised eyebrow he gives Lloyd.

There's... something, bubbling in his connection to Sheena. Zelos hums, blinks at Lloyd's hand. It's a sensation that feels the same way a cringe produced by secondhand embarrassment would, something tight and nervous coming from his driver. Zelos raises his eyes to set them on Sheena for a split second, taking in her expression before he flickers them to meet Lloyd's instead. These two know each other, his mind says. They're from the same world.

Sheena knows something about Lloyd that he doesn't show.

Hm.

"Hi," Zelos finally speaks, voice light and friendly and an easy smile on his face as he pushes himself off the wall, uncrosses his arms, and takes Lloyd's hand in his in a deliberately slow fashion. He shakes it once and rather harshly, though, squeezes tight and doesn't let go. He tilts his head and squints, still smiling. "Name's Zelos, but you probably already know that. I knew your name, too. It's a rather late introduction for us, huh?" He laughs, letting go of Lloyd's hand and shrugging instead. "I'm jokin'. Yesterday was a mess, huh?"

Whether or not Lloyd catches the observant, calculating look Zelos gives him behind the grin, the Aegis just doesn't care.

Of course Lloyd catches the calculating look. The fact that this Zelos is not the one he knew is irrelevant in this situation because he knows his face, knows the quirk of his eyebrow and the mask he slid in place over his own analyzing edge. And yeah, it fucking hurts, but Lloyd swallows down the pain and takes it because this is the least he deserves, really.

(Zelos' blood is warm, but Lloyd has never felt colder than he does as it seeps into his clothes, Zelos going limp in his lap.)

The smile wobbles at Zelos' prodding jokes because now that he knows Zelos knows he's full of shit it's significantly harder to play pretend, but Lloyd keeps it up, pulling his hand out of Zelos' own and placing it into his pocket with a laugh, something quiet and tired. "Yeah, it was a helluva day," he agrees with a nod.

It was probably the single weirdest day Lloyd's had in his life, for one, but then finding Sheena, meeting Anna and Malos, trying to cope with the knowledge that this world's Zelos is still alive - it was so much to try and deal with at once. But.

Lloyd wants to say more, wants to excuse himself for not introducing himself sooner past I couldn't face you yet but the words aren't coming and Zelos can already tell he's fucking lying about wanting to be here like this, so instead he's left staring at the floor, avoiding eye contact with either Zelos or Sheena.

This fucking sucks.

Okay, well, the way Lloyd stares at the floor and practically shuts down immediately after talking is very, very hard to miss. Zelos, uncomfortable, drops the smile and raises an eyebrow at him, one hand on his hip. What, was it something he said? What the hell.

Since Lloyd is apparently out of commission here, Zelos turns to Sheena instead. "Yo, is he okay?" he asks out loud, gesturing at Lloyd with a flap of his hand, genuinely curious and perhaps a little bit in shock. This... is really weird. Hm. Zelos turns to regard Lloyd again, then bends down so that his face at least enters Lloyd's field of vision, asks, "You good over there, bud?"

Sheena stops a few paces back, the wave of Zelos's annoyance getting thick enough to be distracting. Seriously, is this normal for this world?

Just seeing Zelos is still kind of a lot, though, especially after that fucking dream, and she's grateful that Lloyd steps up to start the conversation without needing her to. He can handle this himself, right? She doesn't need to--

And then Lloyd's gaze drops, and that awkward edge to his voice goes from obvious to blatant, and there's no chance he's okay, is there. She startles a bit at Zelos addressing her, winces as she looks up from Lloyd to meet his gaze. "Ah, he's--"

Yeah, he's really not. Fuck.

No. No, he's not okay. Lloyd wants to be sick, wants to run away, wants to go home, the home he used to know as camping and joking and snacks in front of a fire, of Colette's singing and Genis' teasing, Raine's hums, and Sheena and Zelos' banter. He wants it back, wants to take it all back because living this life is tearing Lloyd apart, knowing he killed Zelos and ruined his chances with his uncles and wasn't worth sticking around for.

"I'm sorry," he whispers before whipping around and walking out of the room, booking it outside as soon as he's out of Zelos and Sheena's line of vision.

Once outside, he takes a deep breath, allows the smell of nature to ground him because all he can see, all he can think of is his mistakes, the feeling of his swords slicing through flesh and bone as he cries out against how unfair it all is. It's like he's being pulled into several different locations at once - he knows he's on the outskirts of Meltokio, but his mind is in the Tower of Salvation, in Derris-Kharlan and every other place something went wrong.

Lloyd sprints into a small forest placed behind the safehouse, face crumbling into something distressed and ugly, and before he knows it, he's on his knees, punching the ground, hot tears spilling down his face because he can't hold it together anymore, and this is the third time he's sobbed in two days, why is he so fucking broken.

Ah, fuck. Her face drops as Lloyd apologizes and then flees, and she turns as he does, reaching out to try and stop him, but he's already out of her reach. This was a mistake!

"Lloyd, wait," she says, desperate, and makes to follow after him. If Zelos doesn't stop her, she's about to walk straight out into the bright, warm morning air of a Meltokio that almost certainly still has soldiers out searching for her.

Sheena doesn't get anywhere; as soon as it becomes apparent that she's planning to run out there and chase Lloyd down, Zelos reaches forward and grabs her tightly by the arm, keeping her in place. He doesn't make eye contact. He just keeps his eyes on where he'd disappeared to, expression completely blank. And even once it's clear that Lloyd has left the house Zelos still doesn't let go of Sheena. She is his driver, he tells himself. Neither of them can risk her getting caught off guard outside.

Zelos stares. That guy, Lloyd... he's familiar, for all the wrong reasons. The Aegis blinks slowly, the blank mask hiding whirling thoughts and the replaying of a foreign memory he stored in his core for further use. Unconsciously, as it plays out, his grip on Sheena's arm tightens. Because if Zelos focuses on that memory, on the little he is allowed to see--if he pushes with all his might against Sheena's hyperfocus on his mirror's corpse, then he can see a distinct shade of red kneeling in front of his other self. A familiar shade.

Lloyd and Sheena know each other. They're from the same world.

Zelos Wilder commited suicide, using Sheena as an assistant in his death.

Eyes squinting dangerously, still watching the door where Lloyd left, the Aegis wonders if maybe he used Lloyd, too.

"Wh-Hey!" Sheena says, tries but fails to tug her arm free of Zelos's grip. "Let--" she starts, then stops herself, remembering just why it's a terrible idea. "...oh. Sorry."

She makes an attempt to pull away a second time, experimentally, frowning when his grip tightens instead of weakening. "Hey, Tethe'alla to Zelos? You can let go," she says, pasting a less-than-genuine smile onto her face. "I'm not gonna go out there, I just--" She runs her free hand through her bangs, gaze drifting back towards the door Lloyd had left through. "I'm just worried."

Zelos does snap out of his reverie when Sheena finishes speaking, at least. He blinks. Oh dear, oh dear--that was sloppy. He's stepped out of line. Zelos slips a smile onto his face and chuckles, releasing his driver immediately, then shrugging. "Yeah, well," he says, "y'wanna know my opinion? Let him be." He pushes himself away from Sheena and walks over to where he remembers the kitchen being, vaguely gesturing over his shoulder. Lower, he says, "Poor guy looked like he saw a ghost."

He doesn't give Sheena the time to react to that if she heard it. Zelos quickly peeks into the kitchen and bangs his palm on the wall as harshly as he can. "Yo, Malos!" he shouts, all shit-eating grins and amusement to hide how badly the event just unnerved him. "We got a runaway! The kid left!"

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